


Styx and Stone

by Deadly_Detective_Drew



Category: Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: Actually Plot, Assassins, BAMF Dauntless Family, Blood and Gore, Corrupt Goverments, Dark, Dauntless Fight Club, Dauntless Is Not In Jeanine's Pocket, Dauntless Redemption, Dystopian, Except Brad, Exploration Of The Faction System, F/M, Faction Before Blood, Faction Politics, Imma Fix It, Murder, No Abnegation Attack, No Beta, Power Hungry Factions, Slow Burn, Smut, Snipers, They Done Dauntless Dirty, Underhanded Politics, morally grey everyone, sketchy shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2020-10-28 10:04:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 64,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20776772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadly_Detective_Drew/pseuds/Deadly_Detective_Drew
Summary: Continuing in Candor was never my future, their blunt truths I didn't mind, but the stifling order of my birth faction was suffocating. I needed to have Chaos. To be free.





	1. Titanomachy

The first thing I noticed was his stance, the way he stood screamed confidence and intimidation. The second was his eyes; steel grey and cold as ice. The third was that those eyes were locked on mine, issuing a silent challenge. 

Never one to resist a reckless impulse, I took a step back and ran forwards, not bothering to stand on the ledge, or look below. I was going to jump regardless, so why waste everyone's time? I heard a gasp, but everything else faded away, as the wind raged against my body. My eyes were shut as I fell, not for lack of _wanting _to see, but rather the painful sting of the air, forcing me to close them.

I felt a jolt and my fall came to a stop, opening my eyes, I snorted as I saw the net that cradled my body. A hand extended in front of my eyes and I grasped it, exiting the net in a rather undignified way. The man who'd pulled me from the net spoke, “What’s your name jumper?”

“Persie... It’s Persie” 

He gave a nod and turned to shout behind him “First jumper Persie!”

Immediately the space filled with cheers and shouts. “Whooo, nice one Persie!” I didn’t know who’d spoken but it filled me with pride. I wasn’t just going to _make _it through Dauntless initiation, I was going to _thrive _here.

The cheers quieted down as the screaming of another initiate grew louder. The screams didn’t sound afraid, in fact, they sounded rather like the jumper just wanted to hear the noise. Upon the initiate hitting the net all confusion was wiped away, _ fucking Cassius_. Of course.

The jumpers were a continuous stream after that, I recognised a few of the transfers from school. Emma and Jackson, they were a couple and had transferred together from Erudite, Michael a Candor boy, and two other Candors who were sisters, Leuke and Lo. I didn’t recognise anyone else. In total 4 Erudites, 2 Amity, 4 Candor, including myself, and an Abnegation boy, as well as all the Dauntless-born, made the jump.

The leaders from the roof went down last, not surprising anyone with their effortless movements and gruff but graceful exiting of the net. 

The man who’d helped me from the net spoke, sending everyone into silence. “Welcome to Dauntless initiates, I’m Four and beside me-” He gestured to another woman “- is Lauren, we will be your trainers during initiation, the Dauntless-born will be with Lauren and transfers with me.” His eyes turned hard “You may be training separately, but you will all be ranked together, so don’t get complacent.” With that, it seemed his speech was finished and he turned, shooting one final command over his shoulder, “Transfers with me!”

He took us on a brief tour of the compound and I couldn’t help the excitement that was beginning to steadily grow with every step. Four left us in the initiates barricades with instructions to change and bring our old clothes to the Pit to burn.

The conditions were far from the nicest and a lot of the other transfers had issues with the openness of the room. Their complaints got them nowhere and I opted not to try, the room had obviously been used for the initiates for years. I doubted they would change it for us.

I changed quickly trying not to look at the others, but unable to prevent myself from catching a few glimpses of skin. I caught the back of the Amity girl transfer and paused with my leg partially in my pants, before shaking it off and continuing, this time with my eyes firmly fixed on the floor. Her back had crisscrossed scars standing out vividly from her skin, there could have been no doubt what had caused them.

Sleep that night was hard to come by. It wasn’t the awful bed, but rather Brad’s crying. It wasn’t the first night of Dauntless I imagined, but even the sobs of another couldn’t fully bring down my spirit.

ooOOooOOoo

Most people were up by the time Four came to wake us. I had formed a middle ground with the female Amity. I knew her from before, not by name but I’d lent her a pencil in second year, which she promptly stole, and I’d held a grudge. I hadn’t said anything about the pencil to her, because that was stupid, but if the fucking smirk she sent my way, was any indication, she knew I remembered. 

Regardless of former grudges, she had woken up early like myself, due to the Amity boy crying, again, and she had wordlessly huffed before stalking across the room to my bed and helping herself onto it. Her excuse being she was ‘up now, and bored so I'd better distract her’.

I’d found it all very amusing rather than offensive, and thus started a tentative friendship. Kali, my new companion, had long black-hair like mine, hers, however, matched her skin so well, that when dressed in the Dauntless clothing she could almost pass for a shadow. It was fitting, the way the Dauntless clothes sat on her, they easily made her the most Dauntless-looking of the transfers and I doubted anyone would remember she was from Amity in a few days' time.

My skin was paler, not to the extent of one of the Erudite transfers; Archie, but still quite a contrast between my hair, and where Kali’s eyes were pools of lead mine were icy blue.

I examined the other transfers on the way to the training room, focusing on who I thought would be a threat. Cassius, a Dauntless-born and friend I’d meet at school, was easily the biggest of the initiates, I was glad I wouldn’t have to train against him. I was, however, still being scored against them. 

looking over my transfer class, I figured I wasn’t out of the waters just yet. The couple Emma and Jackson, former Eurdites, were both similar in stature, around my height and with similar body types, however, they were both from Erudite and if they knew they were going to transfer, they would likely have studied for it, I wouldn’t write them off yet.

We came to a stop standing in the training room with both Four and the leader from the roof; Eric. Said man stood and addressed us, “Transfers, as you already know, this will be your training room. Through initiation, there are three stages. Stage one physical; during this time you will be trained and assessed with the purpose of making you into Dauntless soldiers. Stage two is emotional; you will be facing your worst fears in a training sim after that is the final stage, which is mental; this is where you will be experiencing all of your fears. We call this the fear landscape and it will provide your final rankings depending on how you score.”

Murmurs passed through the crowd at the mention of having to face our fears, they died down as Four spoke up. “After each stage, anyone below the red line will be cut from Dauntless and made factionless-” outraged shouts stopped Fours speech and one brave soul voiced his ire.

“What do you mean cut?” Before either Four or Eric could respond, the lone Abnegation barreled on “Even if they're at the bottom they still choose Dauntless and should be given the choice to continue.”

Eric moved close to the boy, his posture deadly, “What’s your name?”

The Abnegation visibly shrunk at the address but answered in the same volume “Thaddeus.”

“Well _ Thaddeus _in case it escaped your notice, here at Dauntless, we are soldiers, and as such are responsible for the safety of every other faction-” His voice got louder addressing us all now “-We don’t want the weak who can’t hold a gun but go through initiation thinking they _chose _ Dauntless so they have a _ right _to be here. You choose us, now _ we _choose you.”

No one else dared to comment after that and Four continued his explanation.

ooOOooOOoo

We started in on training straight away. Each person was lined up to a punching bag and after a demonstration by Four, started practising hits. It was tough and repetitive, but luckily for me, I’d always learn best from watching and then copying. 

I didn’t just watch Four though, I kept my eye out to the others, not knowing what advantages each faction had before coming here. Amity worked out in the farms and as such, it was unsurprising to see Kali have a strong endurance. Brad the other Amity, didn’t have the same stamina, but he was stocker and most likely wasn’t using the extra weight to his advantage.

Michael, the Candor boy, was built like a bulldog and seemed to instantly click with the punching bag. Lo wasn't so successful, unlike her sister who was basically smashing her fists into the bag, Lo seemed rather lost at the whole concept, her skinny limbs and tall stature probably didn’t help.

My eyes landed on Archie, the Erudite who could have passed as carved from ivory. He was average height for a boy and very lean. His hits were impacting the bag just enough for him to control the swing, he was doing very well and noticing his stance was not square with the bag, I moved my own right foot back and instantly felt the difference.

The punching continued for a few hours, with Four stopping a few times to correct a technique then moving on. Eric had left before we started but he would apparently be overseeing some of our training, it was a little nerve-wracking that a leader would be watching us, I didn’t let it get to me though if anything it was all the more reason to prove myself.

Finally, Four stopped us and sent us for a run. The run was easy, something I could do well, having known I was transferring to Dauntless from a young age, I’d run home every day after school, instead of taking the bus and it paid off. I ran near the front but made sure not to be the first. Having been the first jumper I was currently first on the leaderboard. I didn’t particularly want to paint a target on my back so soon, so I opted to try to fly under the radar for a while.

After the run, we broke for lunch and headed to the mess hall. I walked in with Kali, I saw a space near Cassius so I led her over there. “Hiya Persie, fun time training?” He said it while eyeing our sweat-soaked shirts and I responded by shoving my sleeve in his face. Laughing he turned back to his food. 

I introduced him to Kali. “Cassius, this Kali.” I nodded to her but didn’t mention her previous faction, I doubted she’d appreciate it.

“Nice to meet you Kali.” He shook her hand

“And you as well.”

I noticed that Archie had sat himself on Kali’s other side so I introduced him as well, “That’s Archie, beside Kali, he’s an Erudite transfer.” Upon hearing his name Archie looked up and gave a nod in greeting. There were two other Dauntless-born at the table; Delphi, a girl with a similar build to Lo, taller than average and quite fair, she held herself with a grace that I could never replicate, overall she seemed very welcoming and nice. Next to her was a boy clearly younger than the rest of us, who Cassius claimed as his younger brother; Neil.

Said brother leaned forward over the table as if to tell a secret but was interrupted by Cassius. “Don’t listen to him.”

Neil pouted at his elder sibling “I haven’t even said anything yet.”

“Yeah,” Said Cassius hotly “_ Yet _.”

Undeterred Neil turned back to Kali and I, “You know everyone’s been talking about the transfers this year.”

Intrigued, I raised an eyebrow, “Why?” The question elected a sigh from Cassius which everyone ignored.

“Well because of the amount mainly, there’s only 11, usually there are around 20 transfers. They are also cutting people, so I guess you’ll lose a lot before initiation ends.” He pulled back apparently finished, frowned a sick feeling in my stomach. Looking at Kali I could see she was also disturbed by the information, if they usually had twice as much, would they lower the amount being cut? Or would only a few of us remain?

Cassius threw his brother an annoyed look “How do you even know about the cuts Neil?”

Neil smirked, apparently a defining feature of his, “Why brother, don’t you know?-” He gave a wide gesture with his arms “-I know everything that goes on around here.”

The other Dauntless-born girl didn’t seem to find this fact startling, so I didn’t let my surprise show. The kid couldn’t have been older than 11 and was aware of the ongoing of Dauntless, things even the Dauntless-born didn’t know until today. I made sure to store that in my memory for later.

The rest of lunch passed rather uneventfully, but in a relaxing way. Delphi turned out to be a reasonable-sounding person, which was always nice, and Archie joined in on a few discussions. Overall I seemed to have found a good crowd. When lunch was over, we went back to training, this time though, it was just watching demonstrations and practising the techniques a few times before moving on.

Eric showed up to watch for a while and his presence didn’t affect just me. Emma slipped when trying to practice a leg sweep and promptly got grilled for it. “You think you’ll pass initiation with pathetic moves like that?” Emma shook her head, unable to speak, but I also noticed it was a way for her to lock eyes with Jackson, who looked like he was ready to snap back at the leader. Eric gestures for her to stand, which she did, then he told her to go again.

Going through the move once more, Eric stopped her and made her hold the position. “Here-” He grabbed her hips and pulled them out further “-If you can’t stand properly you will lose your balance, which as we all saw leads to that fucking disaster.”

Motioning for her to try it again, Emma did, this time he didn’t stop her, and she didn’t fall. At first, I was frustrated and embarrassed for Emma, but after Eric moved on I let myself mull over his actions. He was right in saying we were training to be soldiers, and despite it being our first day, we only had a few months, already we were well behind the Dauntless-born. Once he had finished ridiculing her, he had helped her to fix the problem, It was actually a good way to go about it. I personally had always found the fear of failing to be more motivational and seeing the improvement of Emma’s sweep afterwards, I didn’t think I was the only one.

My technique, luckily, was one of the better ones and I had yet to be called out, I doubted it would last though, good things never did.

ooOOooOOoo

The afternoon went by quicker than the morning and soon enough we were sent to grab some food and rest. Feeling tired, I didn't participate much in the dinner chat and barely paid attention on the walk back to the barricades. I did, however, notice when Kali sat in the bed beside mine. At a glance towards her old bed, I saw Kali had swapped hers and Michaels stuff over and was currently daring him to say anything about it.

Seeming entirely unbothered Michael headed over to his new bed and started to change. Taking his lead we did the same. My mind brought up the marks on Kali’s back but I didn’t look again, deciding it wasn’t my business and if the way she kept her back to the wall was any indication, she didn’t want anyone asking about it.

Most of us opted for speed while Emma and Jackson held up a sheet for each other. I thought it was kind of sweet. Zane, however, did not. 

Zane was one of the 4 Erudites, and as such, knew both Emma and Jackson from before. Making them his targets. He waited until Emma was changing before reaching over, and ripping the sheet down from Jackson. The reaction was instant, Emma screamed, trying to cover her naked flesh and Jackson whirled around furious, prepared to defend his girlfriend's honour.

Apparently prepared for this Thaddeus, the Abnegation transfer who seemed to have fixed himself to the other boy grabbed Jackson from behind, easily restraining him, while Zane shouted taunts. “Come on Jacky, you gonna hit me? You gonna hit me for your girl?”

Emma who had been rather frozen at that point opted to pull on a shirt and underwear before heading over to where Theddaus was holding Jackson. “Let him go you asshole!”

Surprisingly it was Leuke who responded, involving herself and apparently joining Zane’s little gang, “Or what princess? Will you cry? I saw when Eric yelled at you today, you looked like you were about to cry.”

Jackson snapped “Leave her the fuck alone! Get off me Thaddeus!”

Seeing that Zane had no intentions of stopping the oncoming fight, I went to head over but was beaten by Lo who looked very pissed at her sister's behaviour. “Leuke why don’t you pull your head in and stop being a jerk?”

Not appreciating the interference, Zane intercepted her path and opened his mouth to let hateful words fly, “You gonna defend the slut and her boy-toy?”

Kali straightened up beside me at the words and looked for all the world ready to lay into the former Erudite before she could the sound of a crack resounded through the room. I watched in awe as the lanky girl, who had been having trouble, just hours before, with a punching bag, landed a hit square on Zane’s nose, causing blood to come gushing out. There was a moment where everyone saw the shock cross both Zane and Lo’s face, I couldn’t tell which one looked more startled by her actions before everything went to shit.

Zane tackled Lo to the floor and started to rain down punches. Emma ran to her defence and tried to pull him off, unsuccessfully. Thad threw Jackson to the floor and was about to mimic Zane, but was himself shoved to the floor by Archie.

Leuke seemed unsure whether she should defend her sister or her own actions and stood for a moment, before making the decision to throw herself at Emma. Seeming all too keen to join in the fight, Kali slid, in her socks, across the concrete floor and joined Jackson and Archie who were trying to defend themselves from Thaddeus. Thaddeus had quite the advantage of height and weight on his side, being built like Cassius, but against the three of them, he was losing.

I ran to help Lo, who was now covered in her own blood. Brad, the Amity boy, was the only one now not landing hits, Micheal having joined Thaddeus sometime after me. Zane pulled me down and got a strong uppercut to my jaw, causing my vision to blackout and him to scramble to his feet, swinging his leg to kick my side.

Lo, having also made it to her feet, and with blood covering every inch of her face, fisted her hand in his hair and jerked it to the side. Zane let out a yelp as his head smacked into the metal bedpost, giving me an opening to knee him right in the groin. He sank to the ground in pain, his eyes squeezed shut with moans escaping his lips.

Lo released his hair and turned to see where everyone else was at. Unfortunately, Michael had a similar idea and Jackson was on the ground gasping, leaving a furious Kali and annoyed-looking Archie, to defend against both Thaddeus and Michael. I started to head over to them but my eyes fell on Leuke who had Emma in a stranglehold and was not letting go, despite the girl having gone limp.

Locking eyes with Lo, she grimaced, wiping her face with her arm briefly, not doing her much good, she then turned to her sister. Satisfied she would handle the situation, I leapt over one of the transfer’s beds, not sure whose, and launched myself at Thaddeus. His back was towards me, I landed on it and immediately clung to him with my thighs like a leach.

He predictably tried to get me off by clawing and smacking at his back. Not letting go of my hold on him, I switched my arms so I could sneak one around his neck, and squeezed. Now realising what I was doing, Thaddeus’s movements became frantic and the hits thumped harder against me. I squeezed tighter.

Apparently trying a different tactic, Thaddeus faced away from the wall and shoved himself backwards, successfully slamming me against it, causing the wind to be knocked right out of me. I tucked my head into his shoulder as he did it again, so I didn't get concussed. I could feel him getting sluggish and just before my back hit the wall again, he stumbled and slumped to the floor.

I rolled off him and took stock of the rest of the room. Jackson had carried Emma to apparently my bed, probably as it is the closest to the door and furthest away from the others. I checked for Lo and saw her tending to her own injuries in a sink.

Kali and Archie had knocked out Michael and were apparently waiting for me. I went to move towards them but my back screamed at me and I stumbled, I was caught by Archie and the two helped me walk to Kali’s bed. She ran off to go buy a first aid kit with her points, still surprisingly energetic and looking for all the world entirely uninjured. 

It was strange, how quiet it was, Zane had stopped swearing and had slunk off to the other side of the room, re-claiming a bed, as there were plenty of spares. Leuke was sporting a black eye and split lip, which was nothing compared to her sister's dark purple face.

A closer look at Archie saw two broken fingers and a few superficial bruises on his arms, but otherwise, he looked alright. Jackson had a bleeding ear with some very clear teeth marks in it, I suspected Thaddeus was behind that, Michael and Emma were still unconscious while Thaddeus had woken up and moved Michael closer to Zane.

There was now a very visible separation between the transfers and I couldn’t help but wonder, while we nursed our wounds if this was a common occurrence during Dauntless initiation.

Kali returned a few minutes later and promptly got to work stitching up Jackson’s ear and icing Emma’s neck. Jackson took over caring for Emma with a small thanks, and Kali turned to Lo. She had sat down next to me after washing away most of the blood and sat silently as Kali spread the cream over her skin. Lo had definitely come away from the fight the worst, but she held herself high and didn’t let it show. No one spoke, and none of us asked how Kali knew what she was doing. 

The second night of our stay at Dauntless was different from the first, a line had been marked in the sand, and besides Brad, we had all chosen our side. Brad was unmoving, apparently trying not to draw attention to himself, a smart move, as he was the only person occupying a bed in the middle, and thus an easy target.

Without having to say it aloud, we took shifts that night, alert and ready for an attack, it never came, but we could see the other transfers doing the same. Watching us, as we watched them.


	2. The Twelve Axes

We were all up and dressed before the other group, which we had taken to calling the titans, as they had lost the fight. I wasn’t stupid though, I knew Zane and the others would hold onto their hate from that moment, and they would gladly retaliate. The question was when.

Breakfast was interesting, Kali, Archie and I headed over to Cassius and Delphi. The others of our ‘side’ seemed a little thrown, but quickly shrugged it off and made their own table further down. I knew we had all fought a pretty rough fight together last night, but I wasn’t at Dauntless to make best buds and judging by Kali and Archie also joining me, I knew they understood. We respected the others, but we weren't a gang like Zane’s group.

Cassius noticed the bruising on my jaw first, “Jesus Persie, didn’t realise you were fighting each other so early on, in training.”

Archie bet me to a response “Wasn’t training.”

It was all he said but it was all that was needed. Narrowing his eyes Cassius gave Kali and Archie a once over, noticing Archie’s arms he then turned to the other transfers and visibly winced when his eyes landed on Lo’s face. “Fuck.”

Kali snorted “That’s about right.”

Delphi frowned catching on, “Are you all, alright? Did anyone get seriously hurt, looks like you had quite the brawl.”

I scoffed “We’re okay I guess, sore, but fine, it’s Lo and Michael who took the most damage-”

To everyone’s shock, Neil slid onto the seat and leaned across eagerly “-Oh I heard about this, apparently the transfers had a massive fight, ‘cause Zane insulted Emma.”

Flabbergasted Cassius questioned his brother “How. The. Fuck. Do you know that?”

Neil jumped off the bench and walked away letting the words carry over his shoulder “Talent. Dear, brother. Talent” Upon further prompting from Delphi, Kali grinned and launched into the full story of our previous night.

ooOOooOOoo

Neither Four nor Eric said anything initially of our obvious injuries. It wasn’t until we stopped for lunch that Eric addressed it. “I don’t want to know what happened.-” His voice was firm and dared anyone to start trying to explain “-Whatever it was, you all need to let it go.” He pushed on quickly before anyone could make their protests heard “You don’t have to like each other. You don’t have to respect each other. You do, however, have to live with each other. If you can’t sleep next to a fellow Dauntless without trusting they won't attack you, then you are useless to this faction. If you choose to be a Patrol guard how will you work with your colleagues? If you all want to make it here. _ Learn _to live with each other.” With those final words, he turned and stalked out of the room.

Four followed suit, but not before giving us all a look of disapproval, which had my hackles rising.

The next few weeks went by much the same way as before, we observed then repeated then we would go for runs and practice more techniques. After Eric’s speech, we no-longer had a night watch, but the bedding arrangements stayed the same, a gap separating the titans from us, and Brad in between.

Finally, 3 weeks from our first day, and we were starting shooting practice, I was practically vibrating with eagerness, thankfully, not the only one, whilst I liked the fighting practice, it had started to get a bit repetitive, and as such, everyone was ready to get onto the roof.

One of the giveaways that everyone was waiting excitedly for after lunch, was the fact that not a single snarky comment had been passed from anyone in our group to the titans or vice versa. Cassius and Delphi seemed to find our excitement very amusing, but they had been practising with the guns for a week already now. 

Archie was quick to point that out to the taller boy, not taking any of his shit. Archie had come out of his shell a little, he was still reserved, but as he didn’t seem the slightest bit timid, just quiet, we all figured it was just who he was. Strangely, Cassius had latched onto the former Erudite and took great pleasure in gaining any kind of response from the blond, so really, Archie had given him just what he wanted.

I was pulled from my thoughts by Kali yanking on my shirt, and pulling me from the mess hall and up to the roof.

Eric wasn’t observing today, of which, I quickly became very glad. My previous excitement at learning to shoot came to a halt after having spent 20 minutes watching Four explain the parts of the gun then watching him demonstrate, and after finally being able to actually shoot, proceeding to fail miserably for another 10 minutes.

Frustrated at having, yet again, missed the target, I flicked on the safety and turned to watch the others, trying to see what I was doing wrong. Kali was pretty good, she hit within a few rings of the centre nearly every time. Zane too was doing well. By far the best was Archie, who if he hadn't have said so earlier, I would have doubted it was his first time with a gun. 

The only ones who seemed to be struggling were myself and Leuke, who kept flinching every time the gun kicked, causing the shot to miss. Unfortunately for me, what Leuke was doing was easy to understand the problem. I didn’t know why I kept missing and therefore couldn’t fix it.

Seeing as Four had disappeared somewhere, not a great idea to leave a bunch of teenagers with firearms unsupervised, but whatever, I made my way over to Leuke to see if I could at least do something helpful. I definitely surprised her by placing my hand on her shoulder to stop it flinching, and she whirled around to face me. I frowned at her and gestured to the safety on her gun, she flicked it on and snapped with an annoyed tone, “What are you doing?”

“Just trying to feel useful really” I shrugged honestly. She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously, before looking pointedly at my target. I sighed annoyed, “Yes I know I’m shit, but I don’t know why, if I did, I’d fix it. I do, however, know why you suck.”

“I don't suck.” She snapped it immediately and I didn’t bother responding, my face said it all. She turned a little sheepish at that, before rolling her eyes, “Okay _ fine_, but I do know why it’s because I keep flinching.”

I nodded, “That’s true, but you keep flinching because the kickback of the gun is basically shoving you every time you use it.” She tilted her head, indicating she was listening “If you move your stance so you are a little _ less _square with the target, then it might help absorb the shock.”

Actually following my advice, she lined up the shot and flicked the safety off. Sure enough, when she pulled the trigger, it hit the target, it wasn’t great, but it was better than her other attempts. Grinning, she turned to face me, “Thanks.” It was genuine and made me feel a little better about myself.

I gave her a smile back and returned back to my spot to resume practising. Annoyingly, I didn’t improve at all the rest of the day, and Four only showed up close to the end, so I couldn’t ask him what I was doing wrong. I resolved myself by deciding to ask him straight away next time.

Kali and Archie didn’t offer any words of pity or forced positivity, that I was thankful for. 

ooOOooOOoo

We were doing mock fights now. Training in the morning and after lunch, we went to the shooting range. The mock fights weren’t scored but were a way for us to see where we were at before the real deal in a weeks time. Four didn’t mind if we watched the fights or continued practising. I _ always _watched. I didn’t do it for the reason most people probably thought, I didn’t want to see my friends hurt, or even really any of the transfers, I had come to know them all quite well over the past few weeks, but watching the fights, I never saw my friends or even competition, I saw a mission and I watched with the aim to find their weakness.

Four trained us to our individual body types, it was good because it caused Lo to use her reach to her advantage, and Emma her speed. But it was also easy to turn against them. Michael always powered forwards, with his strong but short stature, it worked for him when he got his opponent to the ground he would swing kicks like a gear in motion until the fight was called. It was systematic and a strong strategy, but it was predictable, and therefore exploitable.

While I trained like Four instructed, my average size and strength favouring endurance, I also watched the fights and memorised everyone's personal ticks and tricks. When it came my time to fight for real, I would adjust my fighting style, not to myself, but to my opponent. 

I’d had two mock fights so far, one against Michael, which I lost, and one against Brad which I won, as he seemed yet unwilling to actually land a hit on anyone. It would be interesting what Eric would say when he spotted it, I had no doubt it was going to result in Brad being humiliated. I would feel sorry for Brad if I wasn’t so frustrated with him, I didn’t understand it, after trying a few times to talk to him and being rebuffed, I gave up. It would do me no good to make friends with someone who was bound to be cut.

My current ranking was 15th out of 37, not too bad, 17 above the cut line, but having started off in the first place it did sting a little. I knew it was my shooting letting me down and if I didn’t figure it out soon I would be in trouble. Not just with my scores though, one of the main features of Dauntless was that we guarded the wall, If I couldn’t shoot, then I wasn’t much use, and I refused to be a waste of space. I was fighting 36 other people for a place at Dauntless, and I was sure as hell, going to earn it.

ooOOooOOoo

It was the weekend, and my group of friends had gone to get changes to their appearance, apparently, 4 weeks in Dauntless was the timeframe when we needed to start looking the part, I had opted out, claiming I was already pretty enough for Dauntless, but the truth was I didn’t know what I’d do. I knew I’d get a tattoo sooner or later, but for now, I was going to think on it.

Instead of heading down the halls to the heart of Dauntless, I made my way up to the roof to fit in some extra practice. I’d asked Four for help after the first lesson, but he didn’t seem to know what the problem was either, my stance was good, I didn’t flinch or shake, and theoretically, my aim should be fine, but it wasn’t and that was starting to piss me off.

I pulled one of the guns from the rack and loaded in a cartridge, at least I knew how to do that. Choosing the closest target, I lined myself up and fired. _ Miss. _

Again, fire... 

_ Miss. _

Fire... 

Hit. 

Stopping to see where the bullet had gone and didn't hear the door to the roof click shut. I cocked my head as I finally noticed where my shot had gone. I was confused, it was far lower on the target then I had been aiming, not sure why I decided to try aiming higher, I lifted my gun and raised it to normal height then shot... _ miss_. 

With a new resolve, I raised it again, aiming above where I wanted the bullet to land, and pulled the trigger... _ hit_? I let out a frustrated noise, It had hit where I wanted it to, but the problem was it wasn’t where I was aiming, _ and _the angle I had to hold the gun was too high to be natural, “I don’t understand!” I snapped at myself in annoyance but nearly jumped out of my skin when a chuckle answered me.

I whirled around to face the noise, Eric stood just behind me, slightly to the right and grabbed the barrel of my gun before it could face him properly, he made the gun point upwards and away from him, causing me to flush and flick on the safety, mumbling an apology.

He only smirked in response, before gesturing to the target, “Again.” I hesitated for a second but upon finding him unwavering, I resumed my position. He hadn't seen any of our shooting sessions so far, but I had no doubt he’d been getting reports. I flicked the safety off and raised the gun preparing to shoot. “Stop.” I froze, he moved in closer, until his arms reached around and pulled mine lower, back to the normal place I shot from. I frowned and opened my mouth to explain why it wouldn’t work, but he interrupted. “Trust me.”

In lue of nodding, I simply pulled the trigger, his arms still holding my wrist as I did. The result was a hit. My eyes lit up and I momentarily forgot he was still holding me. I’d done it! I’d hit the target and I’d done it within some semblance of where I had been aiming. “Thank you!” I grinned, days of frustration melting away.

He chuckled again, his breath close to my ear, and I suppressed a shiver, “Your arms drop, just as you pull the trigger-” He gave my wrist a squeeze “You need to keep tension here until _ after _you’ve hit your mark.” I nodded, glad I finally had something to focus on. Stepping back he gestured to the dummy, “Try it again.”

I released my grip on the barrel, then replaced it again, testing the tension in my arms as I raised the gun to its normal level. I aimed at the centre of the target’s head, a little ambitious, I pulled the trigger... hit.

It had hit the side of the face near the left ear, still a good shot. I turned to Eric to see what he thought. He considered it for a moment before gesturing for me to demonstrate again. After I shot a second time he spoke, “Don’t tense. Keep tension, but don’t tense. If you tense and lock your elbows you won't be able to make a good shot when moving.” I nodded to show I understood, then practised incorporating his advice.

We continued like this for a while until I had moved on to practising up-down shots, where I went up and down the row of target's, positioning within a few seconds, aiming and firing, then moving on. After I’d done a row Eric would assess and point out what I’d done wrong, then I’d go again.

The whole process was thrilling, I loved feeling like I was achieving and improving, whilst Eric was never kind about his criticisms, the feedback itself was wonderful. Four was a good trainer for people like Lueke and Jackson, but I prefered Eric’s ‘here's what you need to do, so do it’, rather than the various options Four gave to improve.

I knew I was very lucky to have Eric helping me, he had obviously come to the roof for a reason and I doubted it was my shitty aim. I made sure to show my gratitude through implementing his instructions into my technique, I knew he wouldn’t appreciate me thanking him and so tried to show it through improving.

By the time Eric called break, the sun had dipped down and it was several hours since I’d stepped onto the roof. I couldn’t help the breathy smile that crossed my face as sweat dripped off my arms. I needed a shower. Apparently thinking along the same lines Eric spoke up “Take a break, initiate, clean up and rest for Monday.”

“Yes sir.” I agreed, having taken to addressing him as such after much mental debate. He hadn’t shown any response to the title and seeing as he _was _a leader I figured it was appropriate. I went to put the gun on the table so I could come back to it, after a short break for food but was stopped by Eric’s arm.

“I said you need to rest initiate-”

“But...-” I wanted to practice, having been so far behind I needed to catch up.

“-That’s an order.” Knowing it was a fight I wouldn’t win, I picked the gun back up and went to lock it away. Just before leaving the roof, I turned to thank him, regardless of his need for it, but the words died in my mouth as I watched him pick up a gun and aim. Not a second later the bullet sounded, hitting the target dead centre. Not even looking surprised with the shot, Eric moved to the next one and aimed again. Dead centre.

Deciding to leave before I was caught ogling, I let the door close with a soft click and made my way to the mess hall.


	3. Battle of Psyche

Kali had got a tattoo that ran across her shoulders, it was a simple line design and suited her. Cassius had an old-style ship that he'd seen in one of his history books, he’d gotten it on his forearm and claimed he would slowly add to it, so by the end of initiation, it would be a full sleeve tattoo. Archie hadn't done anything, he wanted a piercing but decided not to before the fights were over. Smart guy. 

At the moment, our mock fights were called early. Four clearly not wanting us to be too injured before the actual ones, although, Eric had made it very clear there would be no interruption from them on Monday. I was interested to see how I would fare in the proper fights, I tended to get hit just as often as I landed them, but I also knew I could take quite a few punches and keep going, I had a feeling it would change the outcome when Four wasn’t deciding if I had taken enough.

“Delphi!” I noticed the girl about to head off and left the others behind to catch up with her.

She turned and regarded me curiously “Alright Persie?”

“Yea.” I nodded, then gestured for her to continue walking, “I was just wondering what positions were available in Dauntless, and what they include. I would have asked Cassius, but he likes to screw with people and I kinda want a serious answer.”

She snorted at that but then turned thoughtful. “Well, there’s patrol, you join a squad and respond to problems in the city, like a factionless fight, or a fire. You can also become a squad leader but that’s through promotion, not straight out of initiation.”

“Sounds fair.”

“You can also open a parlour, like tattoos and piercings, or a bar. Guarding the fence isn't a glorious position but it’s another option. Then there are the leadership positions, which are only really open to the top of the initiates.”

“That’s Eric’s position.” It wasn’t a question but she nodded anyway “What does he do?” I was rather curious what the young leader did and jumped at the opportunity to find out.

“Well Eric isn't the only leader, there are 5 positions currently, and they each oversee a part of Dauntless. If one dies, then one of the shadowing members take their place.”

I frowned “So you can only become a leader if one of the others die?”

“Well no, not necessarily. But even if one did pass on, and you were ranked first in your class, their underlings would most likely be given priority, as they would have shadowed the leader, and were also probably first in their class.”

I was quick to point out the first part of her comment “Not necessarily? So you _ can _become a leader without waiting for another to kick the bucket?”

She sighed and came to a stop outside their training room, “It is possible if someone proposes another part of Dauntless life, that isn't already covered by one of the leaders, and they all vote it in, then yes, another leader can be elected.”

“Has it ever been done before?” I was curious at the concept but also doubted it was easy to achieve.

“Eric was the first to be voted into a leadership position that wasn’t already created. It’s unlikely to happen again.”

That was interesting, Eric was the first, and _only_, person to have permanently changed how Dauntless was run, no wonder he continually gave off confident vibes. Thanking Delphi, I left her to train and headed back to the barricades. It was only when I made it through the door, I realised I had forgotten to ask what part of Dauntless Eric oversaw.

ooOOooOOoo

Morning came and with it my first fight. Before breakfast, I made my way to the training room so I could see who my opponent would be. It was Jackson, a good match, we were both similar in build and both in the bottom-middle of the scoreboard. That would change though, whoever won the fight would move up and whoever lost would go down, I intended to be the former.

Kali and Archie were also fighting today. Kali was against Brad, no contest there and Archie was going against Zane. I will admit, I was a little worried about Archie’s fight, Zane wasn’t too much bigger than him, but he was solid and hadn’t lost a fight in the practices. He seemed to have been trying to make every one of his opponents end up covered in their own blood, it was slightly concerning.

If Archie was nervous at all, he didn’t show it, instead, he ate 2 slices of toast in silence like he always did. Cassius, who’d taken a liking to Archie, spent the entire breakfast shifting like he was sitting on hot coals. Finally having enough, I turned to him, “You alright there Cassie?”

The reaction was instant, he stilled and zeroed in on my smirking face “Do. Not. Call me that.”

I shot him an innocent expression “What? Cassie?”

In response, he tackled me straight off the bench. 

I laughed and wrestled with him on the floor, reminiscent of our younger years during school break. A few people had turned to watch the show, but most just carried on eating. I managed to pin his arm behind his back and sit on his side.

He glared up at me pouting but made no further effort to move. Letting out a dramatic sigh he whined, “Fiiiiine Persie, you win.” I made sure my face was smug before getting off and sitting back on the bench. I knew realistically if he’d wanted to Cassius could have broken out of my hold, but he hadn't, because of my upcoming fight, no doubt. It was considerate of him, but I wanted to get to the point where I was strong enough to keep him subdued for real, despite his massive form.

Delphi held out a hand which I high fived in an exaggerated move, “That’s my girl” She spoke wiping a fake tear from her eye. Delphi was a strange girl, she was both very Dauntless, and also, very not. She had no tattoos or piercings, like me, but she held herself in a confident manner that could only be from Dauntless. Erudite also held themselves tall, but more in a ‘trying to prove they were the best’, whereas Dauntless stood in a way that said they already knew who was the best.

Delphi was actually the top of the leaderboard currently, I’d never seen her fight, but Cassius said it was like fighting a river when she was in the ring. Her height and reach worked for her and she often got out of the fight without being hit. Kali addressed the older girl, “Delphi, I know Brad hasn’t been retaliating in any of the practice fights, but if he decides to change his mind today, do you have any tips for fighting a bigger guy?”

It was a smart question, especially seeing as Delphi had just recently won a fight against Cassius, Brad being a similar build. Delphi took a minute to seriously think about it, Kali was smaller than Delphi and didn’t have her reach, “What would _ you _do if he did fight back?” 

Kali was also very good at endurance, and lasting in the ring. “I’d probably stay on offence and wait for an opening while avoiding being hit.”

Delphi nodded thoughtfully, “That’s a good strategy, but you mentioned Brad hasn’t been fighting, probably because he feels guilty about it. That means he won't be likely to go on offence, so you will need to pick up the slack. I suggest you use quick darting movements, jump within his space, land a few hits then back out before he can get any in.”

It was good advice and Kali thanked her. “I doubt he’ll do it though, I don’t think Brad has ever even watched, the other fights.” She was right, Brad had stayed punching the bags every time a fight had been called, and I’d caught him looking very close to being sick after one of Zane’s fights.

Delphi agreed, “Still it’s better to be prepared.”

I jumped into the conversation then, “What about someone who definitely _ will _hit back, and is built like a house?” I wasn’t talking about my fight and Delphi turned to Archie with her answer.

He looked up interested in her advice, it would be silly not to, she was the current best after all.

“I don’t actually have much advice for you, Archie, you’re pretty skinny, but from your ranking, you must be doing well. Zane is a big dude so Jui Jitsu moves would most likely be the way to go. I imagine you are quick-footed, so use that to get him in some form of submission hold.”

“Thanks.” 

After that everyone finished their food and we separated, Cassius and Delphi heading to their own gym and us to ours. Archie was quick-footed, but unlike Thaddeus, Zane was too. I secretly hoped it would be enough.

We met the rest of the transfers in the training room and waited silently for Four to arrive. It was a strange atmosphere, anticipation. Lo and Emma, who had become quite good friends, will fight each other tomorrow, I actually felt almost upset about it, but I also felt proud knowing they wouldn’t hold back, despite their friendship.

My eyes found Brad’s and I frowned, I didn’t understand him, why did he choose Dauntless? Why leave your birth faction if you aren't absolutely sure it’s because you belong somewhere else? I wonder what his aptitude results were, surely they can’t have been Dauntless.

“Jackson. Persie. In the ring.” Four yelled it as he entered, we both moved to obey. Eric came in right behind Four which I shouldn’t have been surprised about, but he hadn’t been present for any of our mock fights, So I was a little shocked. They must have been too boring for him to bother with.

The ‘ring’ was actually a few stiff mats, stacked into a wide square about 3 meters in each direction. The idea was not to be as damaging as fighting on concrete, but still reminiscent of the real deal. Jackson and I faced each other while Four clarified the rules. “You fight until one of you can not fight any longer, due to unconsciousness or severe injury, you may concede if you believe to have reached that point-”

Eric interrupted then “However if you give up, your rankings drop further than if you lose.”

That sounded fair enough to me, I had no intentions of giving up. Four continued “No biting or poking in the eyes, other than that, you do what you need to, to win.” He gave a nod “Begin”

I reached out a hand I bumped fists with Jackson, signifying the start of our match. I immediately pulled my arm back and raised my guard, I went up onto my toes and made sure not to use tension, it may work for shooting, but it’s better to be loose to fight. 

I saw Jackson assessing me and knew he was intending to respond rather than attack, when watching him fight Jackson tended to be a heavy hitter that myself, but he waited for openings, going on defence rather than offence, if I attacked swiftly, as was my usual strength, I would be playing right into his.

Instead, I stepped into his range on light feet, ready to shift my body and ‘carelessly’ left my guard open, forcing him to hit first.

He didn’t disappoint, smoothly landing his fist just above my stomach, I turned my body slightly side on as the punch landed, making it graze rather than wind me, as torso punches tend to. Unfortunately, for Jackson, being right-handed, he had crossed his body to hit me, which meant he was blocking his other arm and his only defence.

Before he could pull back I snatched his extended arm and held it against me with my right arm and used my left to hit him right in the face. The result was instant, his head snapped back and blood started flowing from his nose, no doubt broken. He yanked on his arm as his head moved but I held on, using it to stay within his range. Without hesitating I threw another, this time aiming under his jaw with the intention to knock him out, I didn’t want to unnecessarily draw out the fight.

The second swing landed, and he dropped to the ground, not unconscious but dazed. I followed him, releasing his arm and instead pressed my forearm across his air supply. It would have been easier to get him into an arm lock, but that would have resulted in him having to submit or have a broken arm, and I wasn’t trying to punish him.

He struggled, hitting my body which didn’t do much from his position, he tried to buck me off as well, unsuccessfully. It wasn’t long, however, before he slumped. I released him instantly, not wanting to cause any brain damage, and looked over to Four to see if I was done.

Four nodded, and Eric’s face was unreadable.

Getting off Jackson, I bent down and dragged his arm over my shoulder, swinging my other one under his legs to carry him off the mat and over to the seats. Emma came rushing over but she didn’t seem angry at me, which was a relief, even though I was only doing what we all had to do.

Emma brought some water and handed me a cup. “Thanks.”

She smiled gently, “You don’t have to stay, I’ll look after him.” 

She was giving me an out to go watch the next fight, which was just about to start, Four having moved things along after I’d taken Jackson from the mats. “Nah, he’ll wake up in a few seconds, I’ll wait till then.” 

Kali was fighting Brad anyway and I could watch it from the seats for now. Sure enough, Jackson woke up almost immediately after I’d said it, and with a few quick words from both of us to reorientate him, we all moved to stand with the other initiates.

Nothing much had happened before we arrived. Kali had kicked Brad behind the knees causing him to fall down, how Brad had let Kali get behind him I didn’t know. Eric, I noticed, had his jaw clenched tight and looked undeniably furious, probably having something to do with how Brad hadn't yet gotten up from his knees. Four just looked annoyed, having been used to Brad’s attitude by now.

Kali herself was landing quite a few hits by using Delphi's strategy of quick movements, not that she was moving much though with Brad not bothering to return any. Kali seemed to realise she was wasting her energy by jumping in and out of rang and planted herself in front of him and rained down hits to his face.

Brad raised his arms to defend himself, after being struck in the nose a few times, and Kali responded by dropping herself into a slight squat and hitting his opened torso. Brad fell backwards after a rather vicious punch from Kali.

Looking over to Eric during the fight had actually been far more entertaining than the actual fight. He seemed to darken with progressively more anger until Brad fell back, then his expression briefly flashed to deadly and with hardened eyes, he spoke up. 

“Stop.” He didn’t raise his voice above normal volume but the command was terrifying and grabbed everyone's immediate attention. My eyes shot to Four, who looked fully like he had expected this to happen, before returning back to Eric’s.

Kali had stopped immediately upon Eric’s request and backed away from Brad a few paces, I could see she was a little uncertain whether she would get in trouble for hitting Brad when he wasn’t doing anything back, but she needn't have worried, Eric’s eyes were locked firmly onto Brad.

Eric stormed to where Brad lay on the ground and hovered over him, I imagined it would look quite menacing to have Eric look at you like that, especially from such a dangerous position. “Do you want to be here initiate?” His never actually yelled, but his voice held all the malice that a shout would have, and somehow the quiet tone was far worse than if he had been spitting fire.

“Yes.” The answer from Brad held fear, and rightfully so.

“Yes. You want to be in Dauntless.” This time Brad didn't reply as it was clearly not a question, “Then why-” Eric’s voice hissed the next part “-are you lying down?” Brad stuttered but Eric continued on “Is it because you think the others weak? That they can’t possibly recover from your most delicate of hits?”

“No, I-”

“-No? So why are you not fighting, hmm?” Eric straightened up and spoke and moved back off the mats “You have _ one _more chance Initiate, stand and fight or you’re out.”

The air was tense as Brad tentatively pushed himself up, and stood opposite Kali.

Eric snapped “Go!”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Kali threw herself back into the match, she wanted to be here and she was definitely trying to prove it. Brad’s first hit was a strong swing, connecting with Kali’s side, her legs gave way but she immediately jumped back up again and responded in kind, aiming low and getting him in the groin.

I smirked as a sympathetic sound came from a few of the initiates watching. Brad doubled over but was quick to throw out another hit, this one was clearly with anger, the fresh pain probably good motivation. By now the fight was finally a proper one and Kali was able to use Delphi’s advice to her full advantage, with Brad throwing out hits, despite still slow and almost forced, she was able to dance in and out of his range attacking and spinning away to hit another part of him.

It was actually quite beautiful, the way Kali fought, if blood wasn’t coming from Brad’s nose and bruises already forming on his arms, I might have forgotten it was a fight at all.

After 3 more minutes of this routine Brad started to tire, he could take quite a few hits but his stamina was no match for Kali’s, and his punches started to become gorilla swipes that Kali effortlessly avoided, she wasn’t showing any sign of strain, but clearly not wanting to keep it up for hours, she started to throw her whole body into her hits and aiming straight for Brad’s head. Brad seemed to realise this and wanting for the fight to be over just as much, dropped his guard, however, a warning growl from Eric, caused them to fly back up and him to resume fighting hard.

Kali briefly shot me a look, clearly not sure what to do, as Brad wasn’t going to get close enough to knock her out, and she couldn’t land a hard enough one to do him in. Thinking hard, I remembered what Delphi had said for Archie’s fight, Zane was a big guy and she had suggested Archie submit him if Kali could get to Brad’s back again, then she could choke him out and end the fight.

“Kali!” She didn’t look when I called, dodging a kick from Brad, but I knew she was listening, upon seeing no reaction from Eric or Four, I figured I wasn’t doing anything wrong, “Kali, remember that move you pulled at the start, think about what Delphi told Archie to do.” I tried to keep it vague, so Brad didn’t catch on.

Clearly thinking about what I said, Kali didn't see Brad’s fist coming towards her shoulder and she went down, I hissed in sympathy, but Kali’s eyes seemed to light up, before Brad could follow her down she reached out and hooked her hand around his heel then yanked in towards her chest.

Brad lost his balance and fell, but having learned his lesson he pushed himself to his knees then moved to stand. He never got the chance to do so, before Kali launched herself onto his exposed back and snuck her arm under his chin and squeezed, the same choke I had used on Thaddeus weeks ago.

He took significantly less time than Jackson had to fall unconscious, but it probably had to do with how deep Kali had the hold. Once he slumped, Kali detached herself and looked to our instructor. Always a man of few words, he nodded, however, Eric surprised everyone by giving her praise. “Good job, initiate, that’s the kind of attitude we look for.” Before anything else could be said, Eric turned and stalked out of the room. The rest of the initiates followed as we were breaking for lunch. After that Archie and Zane would be fighting.


	4. Patroclus Fights

Brad wasn’t exactly popular with anyone, so I moved to help Kali sit him, on the seat I’d put Jackson. I grinned at her as we waited for Brad to regain consciousness. “I can’t believe Eric compliment you, that's probably never happened in the history of… ever.”

She laughed, “I didn’t think he was even capable of saying nice things.” She then wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “You jealous?”

“Fuck yes.” I didn’t hesitate, Eric was a terrifying person, within the most terrifying faction, yet, he commanded respect and fear. It was a feat to impress such a man, and to have him acknowledge it, yeah, that was definitely something to be jealous of. “But I am also hella proud of you. Kali, you looked like you weren’t even breaking a sweat!” I couldn’t help but gush out what I had been thinking while watching the fight.

She blushed at the comment but quickly fired back “Yeah but, you weren't even in it long enough to sweat.” She turned serious “In a real fight, the goal is to finish it as soon as possible, you did that.” I was going to point out the differences in our opponents, but she continued on clearly wanting to say something. “If you had been fighting Brad-” She gestured to the still unconscious body “-how would you have ended it?”

I thought about it, Kali was smaller than me so if I were her, I would probably have done it her way, but me? I didn’t really want to admit it, because it was brutal, but if I had been paired with Brad today… “I would have kicked his knee in first-” I admitted it with a little bit of shame because that action would result most likely would result in Brad not being able to continue with Dauntless initiation, however, with a non-judgmental nod from Kali to continue, I did “-then I would have hit him in the stomach so he doubled over, and then dropped down all my weight onto the back of his neck with the point of my elbow.”

She was silent for a moment, “I think that might have been more merciful.” I shot her a confused look and she elaborated, “Someone is not going to make it. Actually 5 people aren’t going to make it through this first stage, it’s almost cruel to give them hope.”

“She’s right.” The voice caused us to jump and we saw Brad had woken up, “About me, I’m just taking someone else's place.”

That wasn't really what she had said and his words pissed me off “It doesn't belong to someone else if it’s yours.” He looked confused by my statement “Brad, I’ve seen you shoot, you’re really good. You’re actually the third-best, after Archie and Zane.” Judging by his face he hadn't known that.

Kali asked him the question I’d been thinking since day one, “Brad, why did you choose Dauntless? I mean you clearly hate hurting people why-”

“Dauntless isn't about hurting people.” He snapped it in a rare show of anger, but quickly moved to explain “Dauntless is about being brave.” He gave a sigh “Back at the farm when I was 6, our house caught on fire. I was outside when it happened, but my baby brother, who I was supposed to be watching, he was inside. The Dauntless response team arrived very quickly and we were all throwing water on the house, but it wasn’t doing much good. I was screaming at the Dauntless when they arrived, I don’t remember what I said, but I yelled something about them _having _to save my brother, they had to save Daniel. One of the soldiers patted me on the head and didn’t even hesitate before running into the fire.” He looked me in the eye “That man saved my brother and I never even knew his name, but he did it, all without recognition, at first I thought he must have been Abnegation cause surely it was an act of selflessness. It wasn’t until I was older I realised that being brave is to be selfless but in a different way.”

The story was touching and highlighted a part of Dauntless I hadn’t really considered before, but upon thinking about it, I wondered why I hadn't. The Dauntless purpose was to be brave so we could protect those who cannot protect themselves, Brad was right, it was selfless.

Kali clearly saw Brad in a new light after his revelation, as had I. Kali snapped her jaw clearly deciding something that I would no-doubt be dragged into. “Brad, I think Dauntless needs you.”

“What?” He was clearly confused by her answer, but I agreed, I had forgotten Dauntless’ motto, in lue of Initiation, and I think some of the other members had as well.

Kali soldiered on “Dauntless isn't about hurting people it’s about protecting them, you’re right, however, to get to the point where you can protect others sometimes you need to make a choice.”

A realisation hit me “Brad, you know we aren't fighting each other for the sake of it right?”

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, Four and Eric aren't making us fight just to see us bleed, it’s to ensure if we ever get in a fight, like say with one of the factionless, we can not only defend ourselves but anyone else we are protecting. By starting off fighting against each other, we are actually making sure no one gets seriously hurt or is killed, they are preparing us, and making us strong enough to be brave.”

The words definitely hit home as his eyes widened with a new thought process.

Kali piped up, “We can help you, you know.”

“Bit far.“ I mumbled under my breath, but she ignored me.

“You’re at the bottom of the leaderboard at the moment-” She was correct, Brad was currently in slot 37 out of 37, despite his shooting skills, as he had never, before today, participated in a match “-So you need to show just how much you want to be here over these next few weeks. You already know how to shoot and you can use your size in matches, but that isn't enough, you need to practice. Properly” She added the last part because we all knew he hadn’t been trying during training.

“Wouldn’t hurt to get your stamina up either,” I added as an afterthought

“How do I do that?” To his credit, he looked like he was seriously starting to plan.

Kali always got up and went on a run in the mornings, and I had joined her a few weeks in, so she offered to let him join, “Every morning we wake at 7 and run for an hour before breakfast, come with us?”

He nodded. Looks like we now had another member to our group. I added one last thing “But don’t think we are about to go easy on you or let you win now, we want to be here just as much as anyone else, and you aren't taking _ my _spot.” He quickly agreed, and we headed off to the mess hall for food.

ooOOooOOoo

We approached our normal table and I took a seat next to Cassius as usual. Brad apparently seeing only one spot left turned to leave but Kali forcefully shoved him into her spot, apparently adopting the stray. With no seats left, Kali threw a cheeky smirk to Cassius before sitting herself in Archie’s lap, who was very tolerant of pretty much anything. He simply adjusted his arms around her and kept eating.

Cassius who had become obviously attached to the blond was currently attempting to stare her down, losing because he was like a giant puppy, a puppy that could rip the head off any passing rabbit, but a puppy nonetheless.

Delphi gestured to our new addition, “What’s your name kid?” Delphi had a habit of referring to us all as her children, despite being only half a year older than most of us.

“Uh... Brad.” He looked nervous, but I ignored it, not bothering to baby him. Despite Kali looking more Dauntless than myself, she was definitely more caring.

“Ah, so this is Brad.” Delphi turned to Kali, who was swiping her food from across the table. “Did you win?”

“Yup!” Kali popped the p as she bit into a stolen grape. “Thanks for the advice mum, worked like a charm.” I snorted at the nickname, but it was oddly fitting, since we had gotten here, Delphi was the one we turned to for advice and who we knew wouldn’t judge us, I knew for a fact Kali had woken from a nightmare one night and stole away to the Dauntless-Born barricades not returning until morning.

Cassius, apparently having had enough of Kali sitting on Archie, got up and simply lifted her off him. She let out a squeal and squirm but didn’t put up a fight as he deposited her onto Brad and gestured for them to move over. He then sat himself beside Archie with glare toward anyone who looked like they would say anything.

Archie raised an amused eyebrow, but unfazed continued eating.

I suspected Cassius was worried for Archie’s upcoming fight, and sure enough, he tried for nonchalance as he asked which one was Zane, from the transfers. Brad, who looked extremely uncomfortable with Kali on his lap, pointed him out.

Upon seeing who Archie would be versing, Cassius’s abruptly turned to Archie “When attacking a bigger guy you need to make each hit count. No point in landing grazing hits, they’ll do nothing except give openings to the other guy…” He continued giving advice to Archie through the rest of lunch, claiming he would know, as he was, in fact, a bigger guy.

I found Cassius obviously concern all very amusing. I had known him since I was little, and he was a very emotional person, he wore his heart on his sleeve, but I had also seen him switch his emotions off in a second, and completely unleash himself on a guy, it had been terrifying and brutal. It was the day he had found out about my father, ever since then we had seen each other in a new light, both with respect and understanding.

Lunch ended, and the others walked us to our training room before departing with well wished to Archie. Cassius hovered a little longer, seemingly unsure of what to do before Archie took pity on him and drew the bigger boy into a one-armed hug, almost as though comforting him.

I shook my head in amusement before dragging Archie inside. 

Archie and Zane’s fight would be the only one in the afternoon, as we would be moving on to knife training after. I was unsure how I felt about it. I had improved on my shooting, but so had everyone else. From what Four said, knife combat could either go really well or really badly. Seeing as I’d never touched a knife, aside from preparing and eating food, I wasn’t holding my hopes very high.

Eric stalked into the room, unable to just walk without giving off predatory vibes, Four followed, and they took up their places in front of the mats. Archie and Zane moved without having to be told.

Everyone was watching like they had the previous two fights, but I suspected by tomorrow, most the initiates will have gotten enough of a taste, and things would go back to being like before, with training and fights occurring simultaneously.

“Begin.” On Four’s command, Archie’s arm shot out and got Zane right in the jaw. It was a strong hit that dazed Zane for a few precious seconds, which Archie used to move closer and land another hit in the same place. I realised that Archie’s game plan wasn’t for the punches to make or break his fight, but to be a distraction so he could follow Delphi’s advice in getting close enough to submit Zane. It was a good plan, might have worked too, if Zane hadn't used Archie’s second hit to uppercut him in response.

The uppercut succeeded in knocking Archie back and he stumbled a few feet, losing his advantage of being close. Zane followed him back and knocked in another hit which forced Archie to spit out a mouthful of blood to breathe. Archie’s arms were up defending himself, and occasionally throwing a hit, but Zane was powering forward and was relentless in throwing punch after punch. 

Moving back constantly under the assault, Archie finally planted himself and used his agility to sneak a hit right in Zane’s liver. It resulted in Zane losing his breath clearly feeling the sharp pain, unfortunately, it only served to make Zane pissed off and Archie couldn’t stop the fist flying towards his face. He went down like a sack of potatoes and stayed limp, while Zane smirked and jumped from the mats to head over to his friends.

Four was about to ask Lo, who was closest, to take Archie to get checked up, but Brad bet him too it. I was quickly over there as well and checking his pulse. It had been a heavy hit and the first knockout that had been from punching, rather than cutting off blood flow, or oxygen.

I found his pulse and nodded to Kali, who was anxiously hovering by. I let Brad lift him and then move towards the door, no doubt to head to the infirmary.

“Alright initiates!” Eric had to yell, as the group had immersed themselves in talking about the fight after Archie had gone down. “Behind me is your current updated ranks. You have all just, either witnessed or experienced, your first real fights, from now on, there will be no more dancing around or playing with each other.”

Four stepped forwards “You have two more weeks of physical training, after that anyone in the red is cut and we move on to stage two.” I scanned for my name on the board, I was number 19, while not bad not great either. I looked for Archie’s name next and found it at 12, he could definitely bring it up again, and he was unlikely to go against Zane a second time. Kali was 9th, her shooting and fight keeping her high. Brad was still in last place and Delphi was still in first, Cassius though, had moved up to 2nd again, having been pushed down after his loss against Delphi.

I did one last swipe of the red zone to see if any of the other transfers were in it and found only Leuke and Jackson with Brad and 2 other Dauntless-born. I hoped that Jackson would make it out of the red, but other than that, I decided to focus on my own training. I was at 19 currently, not good enough, I needed to be better.

“Get in a circle initiates, so Four can show you how to throw.” I guess knife combat would make or break my position in the first stage.

ooOOooOOoo

Upon holding the throwing knife in my hand, I felt a thrill shoot through me, a knife is easily recognisable as deadly, like a gun, however, unlike a gun, a knife could be practically anything.

I breathed deeply and lined myself up, ignoring the others and for the first time, not watching their techniques but focusing on my own. I shifted my hips and followed the motion with my arm letting the knife fall through my fingers as I swung. Dead centre.

I held my breath, unable to believe it, my mind unhelpful brought up the memory of Eric on the roof, the gun an extension of his arm. I shoved the thought away and let my hand close around another knife, not wanting to get too excited if it was a fluke.

I lined up and threw again. The second knife hit home, millimetres to the right of the other. Oh shit yes! I had finally found my thing. I knew I was going to get obsessed with knives, I never could stop once I found a strength. I picked up another and then again. The feeling that came when each knife found its mark never went away, and I could help but think maybe I wouldn’t be useless to Dauntless after all.

I didn’t bother to check how everyone else was fairing, to be quite honest I didn’t really care. I found out pretty soon who was doing badly, as Eric chewed them out. It was Thaddeus, Brad and surprisingly Zane. Their bigger forms worked against them in this instance, and they were unable to get the fluidity needed in their throws to make the knife shoot straight. It was unfortunate for Brad, him already being so far down, Zane was in 5th, and didn’t need to worry. If Thaddeus kept it up, he might though.

Zane was next to me and Thaddeus beside him, I didn’t pay much attention to what Eric was yelling about, I just kept throwing, getting caught up in the rush I didn’t see the knife come skidding through my space and slice down my extended arm, from the shoulder to the inside of the elbow, I sure as hell felt it though.

“Fuck!” I let the cry out between clenched teeth as I clutched my bleeding arm to my chest. Everyone stopped throwing at my cry and fell silent. Zane had a shit-eating grin on his face so I snapped in his direction “Screw you Zane, you asshole!” I saw Four rushing over to me.

Zane looked startled at being called out “It wasn’t me!”

In too much pain to give a shit and hissed back “Yea, well screw you anyway, fucker!”

Four pulled my arm towards him and quickly assessed the damage, “Everyone get back to practice, Persie, I'll take you to the infirmary.” He turned to look over at the other boys to presumably dish out a punishment but was beaten by Eric.

“I’ll deal with them Four, take her.” He jerked his head towards the door, if it didn’t feel like fire was ripping through my right side I would have been worried at the death glare Eric had on Thaddeus. As it was, I was rather preoccupied and could barely see where I was going, almost like I was drunk Four guided me out of the room.

ooOOooOOoo

The drugs the nurse gave me were great for numbing the pain, unfortunately, it meant I couldn't feel my arm and thus couldn’t go back to training for the rest of the day. I was disappointed, but also very anxious the damage done would permanently affect my throwing.

The nurse had reassured me, saying it was a superficial wound, and with the healing serum they gave me would only leave a thin scar within a couple days. I had to stay in the hospital room for the rest of training time, which turned out to be 5 more hours, under ‘observation’ from the nurses, however, upon my insistence I was released in time for dinner. As soon as I showed up I was pulled down into my seat. “Explain.” The command came from Delphi. 

I raised an eyebrow in Kali’s direction asking why she hadn't told, but Cassius answered for her, “They already said what happened but Delpih’s gone all momma-bear mode and wants your take on it.”

Delphi clearly not amused, glared at him and opened her mouth mostly likely to demand I talk, so I jumped in before she could, “We were practising throwing knives for the first time-”

Archie piped up “Which you’re really good at.” I paused a little startled at the comment, obviously noticing he elaborated, “We all noticed, probably why Thaddeus threw one at you.” He said it so matter-of-factly I was a little thrown, but brushed it aside to point out what he’d said.  
  


“So it was Thaddeus then?” I had thought so but wasn’t a hundred per cent sure.

“Yes-” That was Kali “-Eric was furious, he made Thaddeus run laps until he told him to stop, and if he stopped before he said so, then he was out.” I scrunched up my nose, it wasn’t much of a punishment, seeing my expression she gave a grin, “He hasn’t said stop yet.” Oh. That was interesting, it had been over 5 hours now, 5 hours of running, that would _suck_.

Delphi clearly impatient, gave a cough, “Right, so we were throwing and I was actually doing well-” They all knew of my not-so-great shooting skills “-I was pretty caught up in it, then before I knew it, a knife went passed me, cutting up my arm.” That was pretty much it, and hearing my side seemed to placate the older girl. But I doubted she would forget the incident if her murderous glaze on Thaddeus empty spot was anything to go by. Nor for that matter, would I.

ooOOooOOoo

After dinner I told Kali and Archie I was going to see the nurse for a check on my arm, which I was, it had been a condition of me leaving the ward, I didn't however, tell them where I was going after. To find a certain person.

During dinner, I’d casually asked Cassius about Neil and why he didn’t sit with us all the time, he’d brushed it off, saying the kid liked to come and go, I asked where he went and found out that he tended to be where lots of people were.

It was no surprise then, when I found him in the pit, sitting at the bar and chatting to the bartender. In Candor, there were strict rules about age and being around alcohol. He wasn’t drinking any, but still, the contrast between my home faction and my chosen one was sometimes jarring.

I approached the bar and tapped Neil on the shoulder, he turned to look at me, “Why _ hello _, Persie, I’m surprised Nora, let you out of the infirmary so quickly.” Of fucking course he already knew, I didn’t even want to ask. He was also right about Nora, she was a persistent older woman, and damn if she didn’t hang on to her patients. Brushing it off I decided to just come out and ask what I needed to.

“Neil, I need some help with something and you seem to be wildly in-the-know around here, so I figured you could help me?” 

He perked up instantly “Oh? And what do you need help with?”

I bit my lip before glancing behind him, “First, I need to know if you can keep a secret and not just talk about everything you know to everyone.”

He actually laughed at that “Persie, I know a _ lot _more than people think I do and even more than I say I do,”

Scanning his face critically, I found that he at least believed what he was saying, which was good enough for me, “Very well, I need to know where I can find quote a ‘fuck tone’ of cockroaches, that I can get in one place an hour after dawn.” It was a long shot, I knew it, but still, I could always improvise with whatever Neil said he could get.

Neil’s grin got wider and I knew, he knew what I was planning, “Oh yes. I can definitely get you that.”

I blinked shocked “You can?”

He hopped off the barstool and started to walk away “Follow me.”

I did and soon we started walking through the tunnelled hallways that made up the Dauntless underground. I lost track pretty quickly of the turns we were making, but one thing became very clear was that we were going deeper and deeper down.

We came to a stop outside a thick wooden door with a slot in it. Neil knocked in a strange pattern and the slot opened to reveal two beady eyes, upon seeing Neil’s cheerful face the slot closed again and the door opened, drawing a whine from the rusted hinges. I eyed the place doubtfully, but Neil bounded in and I didn’t want to leave the 11-year-old kid alone, despite him being apparently very familiar with the place.

The person who had opened the door, a very tall and lanky man with gangly arms and legs, almost appearing spider-like, shut the door behind me and I barely suppressed a wince.

I looked around the room, noticing it was made from rock that appeared to have been carved from water, rather than man-made like most parts of Dauntless. The second thing I noticed, was the room appeared to have chest-like boxes sitting in hollowed out parts of the walls, dotted throughout the room, along with a total of five different doors, I wondered where they went.

The man passed me and walked in a way I imagined a lizard walking on its hind legs might. Neil faced the man, not looking the slightest bit fazed, and spoke, “Hiya Kevin, I’m looking for around 3kgs of Cockroaches they need to be ready for 6 am in the morning.”

The strange man nodded as if it was a normal request, maybe it was, I didn’t know.

The man, Kevin, held out his hand silently to Neil who didn’t hesitate to reach into his pocket and pull out a handful of small round disks. Upon looking again I noticed the small disks were not disks at all, but rather old fashioned currency used before the war. This was getting weirder and weirder.

Neil held the money a little above Kevin's hand and quickly added, “Can you deliver them to the transfer Initiates Barricades?” The man nodded and Neil dropped the money into his palm.

I let out a protest “Um, I can just pick them up?” I didn’t particularly want the strange man coming into our room when we were sleeping.

He turned his beady eyes on me and spoke for the first time, “Mark the bed with a red mark.” His voice was as scratchy as I would have expected and drove home there would be no negotiating with him. I nodded tightly and caught myself considering that this was a _ terrible _idea.

“Well-” The sound came from Neil “-Guess we’ll be on our way, have a nice night Kevin-” He went to the door grabbing my hand on the way, and tugging me with him as he pulled it open and stepped outside, shouting over his shoulder as he went “-Don’t forget to come to the pit on Monday, It’s my birthday and you promised!”

Before I stepped through the doorway I pause, I could have sworn I’d heard shouting from behind one of the doors. Neil pulled me the rest of the way out and the door slammed shut in response to Neil’s teasing. He just chuckled, before starting back through the upwards maze.

“What the hell just happened?” I spoke more to myself than Neil, but he answered anyway.

“That was Kevin, he doesn't have many friends except me, so it’s always nice to give him a visit.”

It wasn’t really what I meant, so I pointed out the obvious. “Except you?” He chuckled but said nothing. I decide not to ask anything else until I heard the familiar sound of the pit coming up, “Neil, why did you give him Money? If he wanted to be paid, I could have just transferred over some points.”

He stopped and turned to me, his expression thoughtful “Well Kevin’s a bit odd and he doesn't accept any form of payment, except coins.”

I frowned, a thought making itself present “So you used some of the only payment he accepts, for me?”

“Oh don’t worry about that, old money’s easy to find, it’s all over the city, practically anywhere you step there will be some coins.” With that, he gave a friendly pat on my shoulder and wished me a final farewell “Hope the revenge goes well.” And then he was gone. I walked the rest of the way to our room zoned out, thinking about what had just happened.

I got to the room and hesitated, trying to find something red, after a few minutes of searching and with everyone asleep, not wanting to wake them, I said fuck it and unwound part of my bandaged arm, scratching it so blood welled up, I smeared the blood on the end of Thaddeus's bed and went back to my own.

I went to sleep still thinking about the weird encounter, finally shutting my brain off by deciding I would never again go back to Kevin, for any kind of help.


	5. Down Icarus Fell

Waking up to the sound of Thaddeus shrieking, and the other Initiates quickly joining in, definitely helped to raise my spirits and keep them that way for the rest of the day. Once Emma had flicked on the lights and everyone had seen the masses of cockroaches literally swarming Thaddeus’s bed, the screaming had started, even Lo, who was the furthest away from them, jumped off the floor and onto her bed.

At all the horrified looks and Thaddeus frantically stripping because they had buried into his clothes, I couldn’t help the laughter that boiled out of me and I clutched my stomach, doubling over, the only one, apart from Thaddeus still on the ground. Kali shot me a horrified look, before it hit her that I was behind the prank, then she too let out a laugh.

Thaddeus, noticing me laughing, and now completely naked, brushing his hands up and down his body to rid himself of the phantom roaches, started to charge towards me, whilst hopping from foot to foot in an effort to try and avoid the cockroaches, which had spread across the floor.

The sight of Thaddeus, full of rage, barreling and hopping, towards me should have made me slightly fearful or even prompted me to move, but I just let out another round of hysterical laughter. 

By now everyone else had realised what I’d done and seemed to be torn between being grossed out, and sniggering. Emma, Leuke, Michael and Brad all wore looks of repulsion, while Zane, Lo, Jackson and Kali had gotten over the shock enough to start grinning like fools. 

Thaddeus reached me and I didn’t bother to try to stop my now hysterical wheezing, enough to block the fist that hit me right on the nose. My head cleared a little after the hit, but I was smiling no less like an idiot and prepared to sock him back, I was beaten by a pair of tattooed arms reaching across his chest and restraining him. 

Apparently we had been loud enough to gain the attention of our instructors. Four stood by the door, unabashed horror written over his face. Eric was holding Thaddeus, but he released him after realising he wasn’t struggling. Upon being released Thaddeus jumped onto my unoccupied bed and started to furiously shout accusations at me.

I wasn’t paying attention though. Having calmed down slightly, and I now watched as Eric surveyed the room. He gave the closer cockroaches, that tried to climb his shoe, a look of disgust, but it was the slight smirk he wore that had me falling into another round of laughter.

Eric turned back to me and then looked over at Thaddeus boredly, who was still shouting angrily about how I had done it. Eric surveyed him up and down before raising an eyebrow, declaring in a dull tone “Have you been keeping any food under your bed perhaps?”

It took a moment for the words to sink in before Thaddeus' face went red with anger and he yelled “You can’t possibly believe this wasn’t intentional! That little bitch did it! Look at her laughing, she's finding this funny, I can never sleep here again! This is ridiculous that fucking bitch ought to be shoved off the chasm!”

Eric’s eyes were cold and unsympathetic when he spoke next, “Four. Take the initiates to the Dauntless-born’s barricades, they’ll have to stay there until this place is cleaned out.” With that, he turned and left the room.

Thaddeus, now spitting fire, turned to Four, who was already giving his look of disapproval at me. “Persie, tomorrow you’ll sit out on the shooting range, and won’t be scored, as punishment for this.” He gestured to the room before turning and leaving too. Seeing my escape, and before Thaddeus could take my punishment into his own hands, I bolted after him, Kali and Archie hot on my heels.

Once we had made it to the Dauntless-born’s barricades, they were all woken up by Four who explained the situation, we found spare beds near Cassius and Delphi. The others settled in nicely, and the Dauntless-born eagerly listened, as the transfer recited what had happened in hushed voices. Thaddeus arrived later, after getting dressed into some clothes provided by the nurse.

Delphi pulled us all onto her bed, it was a tight fit, with Brad and Cassius on the ends but we managed. Kali was the one who told the story to the group, me still being unable to say anything without interrupting myself by snorting. When Kali got up to the bit where Eric had left, Cassius interjected, “Wait, so he just let her get away with it? Nothing? No laps, no near-death hangs from the Chasm, nothing?”

I shrugged, I had been wondering the same frankly, I knew I wouldn’t get away with the prank Scott-free, but to be honest, when I thought it up, I didn’t actually think it would be doable, much less work so well. Eric’s behaviour was confusing, but if the smirk was anything to go by, perhaps he was a little more human than he let on.

After some serious rounds of questioning from the others, we went to sleep in our own beds. I hadn't told about Neil or Kevin, seeing as they _ had _helped me without anything gained on their part, I didn’t want to get them in trouble, plus Neil was Cassius’s little brother and I doubted he would be pleased.

Instead, I told them I had my sources, and left it at that, not wanting to lie. The other initiates had also been listening and judging by a few shared looks, I wouldn’t be getting any more knives thrown at me any time soon.

ooOOooOOoo

The rest of the week passed rather uneventfully. Archie had missed our first knife lesson, being in the infirmary, but after winning against Michael and Emma, it put him up to 7th place. Kali dropped to 10th after losing to Lo in a rather epic match, that was more a dramatic dance between two people, rather than a fight. I had gone up against Leuke and was due to verse Thaddeus tomorrow.

My aim when throwing had been slightly affected by my arm, which I had been pissed about, but unable to do anything I had resolved to spend a few hours the next couple nights practising. 

Delphi had dropped from the top spot but she didn’t seem bothered, she seemed like she was just having a good time with initiation and didn’t mind where she sat, so long as she tried her best, it was a good attitude to have, unfortunately, most didn’t share it.

I was pretty sure Archie and Zane now had a rivalry going, Archie also didn’t seem to care where he was on the leaderboard as long as it was above Zane, Zane seemed to be much the same and took great pleasure all week in pointing out how he was still in 5th place.

I was now in 12th thanks to my knife skills and win in my matches, but I wasn’t planning on stopping my ascent any time soon.

ooOOooOOoo

Thaddeus had gone strangely quiet since the roach incident, and I had taken to being very vigilant when entering the now shared barricades. I knew he would be wanting revenge, however, he hadn't done anything except distance himself from the rest of the Titans, which in itself was concerning.

I knew realistically our match tomorrow would be the perfect opportunity for him to get revenge, which was why I had decided to skip dinner and stay behind in the training room for some extra practice. I had been at it for nearly 2 hours and I was beginning to feel the strain in my arms, deciding I had done all I could to prepare, I turned to leave and nearly jumped out of my skin upon seeing Eric, arms crossed watching me.

“Fuckin hell!”

His lip quirked at my reaction and stepped closer. I hesitated, unsure if he wanted me to leave, opening my mouth to ask, he beat me to it “You won't win.”

I frowned, there was no question what he was talking about, “Gee thanks,” I snarked it with a little more anger than usual, having been on edge since the match was decided.

He didn’t bother looking apologetic but he did seem to pause before speaking again, noticing my hostility. “Not fighting how you are now, you won't.” 

I cocked my head recognizing he was giving an expert opinion, rather than just critiquing me, I questioned him further “How I am currently?”

He stepped closer again, “You are holding back when you fight, the match against Leuke was quick, speed you have no problem with, but that won’t work against Thaddeus with your current fighting style.”

I could see where he was coming from, I knew that I didn’t really have a plan for tomorrow, Thaddeus was frankly massive, and hit just as hard as Zane. My punches weren’t exactly soft, but I did tend to go more for chokes and holds because I could usually sneak them in fast before my opponent even knew what was happening. My current problem was, Thaddeus agility has improved majorly, and there was no way I would be able to submit him, leaving knock-out my only option.

Eric continued “Your punching is strong and you throw your weight behind it, making you better in that regard than most, but they are too clinical, you focus too much on where you hit them and the damage you will do.”

I did do that, didn’t I. “What do you suggest then? Don’t think where I punch, just throw them randomly and hope they connect?” my voice held doubt.

“No, do aim, but don’t _ think _. You have to let your body react and learn to protect you, trust yourself-” He pulled my hands into my guard, opposite him “-and let go.” He stepped back and gestured to the bag. I closed my eyes and took a breath, upon opening them I lashed out and twisted my hips to follow through on the punch, I didn’t think before swinging the other side, pulling back and hitting it again. I could feel Eric’s eyes on me, but instead of making me nervous it only sent a desire to impress through me.

A few minutes must have passed, me releasing hits on the punching bag continuously before Eric called me to a stop. My shoulders rose as my breathing was far heavier than before Eric had arrived, I was a little shocked at that, seeing as I had previously been going at it for hours.

I turned to Eric and felt satisfaction thrums through me at the almost proud smirk he was wearing. Apparently deciding his work was done he nodded “Good, keep it up and you’ll tear through the ranks.” With those final words, he turned and left, leaving me to practice some more.

I did, staying at the training room for a further few hours, before calling it a night. Occasionally I looked around, feeling like someone was watching me but I never found anyone. I decided I was being paranoid and ignored it. Everyone would be in bed by now, but I didn’t worry about the others looking for me, they would have realised I had stayed behind to practice.

I switched off the lights and made my way out of the training room to the Dauntless Born’s barricades. Our barricades were still uninhabitable due to there being no pest control available in dauntless, they had to order some from Amity. 

The Dauntless Born’s barricades were further away from the transfer’s training room. I didn’t particularly mind, I liked walking past the Chasm, the water drowned out every other noise and helped to remind me how much I loved Dauntless life. My shoes were swinging in my hand, having taken them off during my training so I could ground myself, and apply Eric’s instructions about letting go more effectively.

I paused during my walk, to admire the sight. The moon could be glimpsed occasionally through openings in the cavern roof, and the symbolic waterfall stood at the end of the path. The light from the moon shone down on the water and the sound of rushing liquid, hitting the river below, resounded through the walls of the ravine. It was peaceful and helped to calm my mind against the creeping fears of tomorrow.

I walked a few paces to the edge of the walkway and peered down, it was quite a drop and I understood what Four had meant about the difference between bravery and stupidity, the Chasm really was a powerful symbol of Dauntless.

Breaking out of my thoughts, I heard a sound and whirled around, just as I turned I felt a hard shove and my legs caved, causing me to fall backwards, I let out a cry as I fell, grasping desperately with my hands I latched on to the edge of the stone with my fingertips.

My mind flew at a hundred miles an hour, a voice spoke, “Well, well, well, aren’t you in a predicament.” _ Thaddeus. _

“Thaddeus? What the fuck? Help me up!” I craned my neck upwards to see him leaning cockily over the edge.

“Awh, do you need a hand up?” His mocking tone paired with the fact I was literally dangling over a ravine nearly made me snap at him, but I rained it in, reminding myself pissing him off right now, was probably not the smartest idea.

“Yes, Thaddeus. Please pull me up”

Instead of doing anything he just continued to ponder allowed “You know, I find this kind of fitting actually. You hanging on with your fingertips, begging to be let up, right where you should be.” My eyes stung at the words and I tried not to let the thought of begging for anything, get to me. Now wasn’t the time for pride.

“You’re not-,” halfway through the words doubt hit me but I stumbled on. “-you aren’t going to kill me over a stupid prank are you?” 

“A prank was it?” He sneered it leaning down, looking every bit the superior person “Well, _ Persie _who’s laughing now.”

“_ Come _ on Thaddeus-” I had grown desperate as my fingertips ached and I couldn’t find any kind of purchase with my feet “-You can show me how much you didn’t find my _ joke _funny tomorrow, in the match-” I tried to hit a nerve to gain some kind of reaction “-It isn't very Dauntless of you, to murder someone because you’re afraid you’ll lose!”

I got a response from my comment but not the one I was praying for. He reared back “What do you think your little friends will think when they find you killed yourself, rather than face me in a fight.” My eyes widened in horror at the implication “-Not very Dauntless of you.” He hissed the final words and brought his heel slamming down on my right hand.

I cried out again a harsh sob ripping from my throat as my right hand slipped from the rock and I could only see Thaddeus’s twisted face before he repeated the action to my other hand.

_ I fell. _

Seconds passed and my breath caught in my throat, the wind howled around me. My arms flailed, trying desperately to grab the rock as I made my descent. I managed to make contact but the damp stone held no grip and only succeeded in tearing into my flesh. A scream tore through me as my left arm snagged on a rock outcrop, I clung to it desperately, not hearing the ragged wheezing and sobs that left my mouth. I couldn’t think, only cling on with my, definitely dislocated and bloody arm. I swung my right arm beside my left and clenched my fingers hanging precariously.

I didn’t know how far I had fallen, or even how long I hung there before I got my gasping under control enough to drag my feet on the stone, looking for a foothold. I found one and the relief flooded me before another sobbing wracked my body. “Come on Persie, Come on!” I choked the words out as I used what little strength was left in my legs and right arm, to do what amounted to a pathetic pull-up. I made it far enough on the small rock ledge, to use my hips and shimmy the rest of the way up into a seated position.

I panted with my back to the wall for a few moments, before pulling myself together and looking down at the damage done to my arms. I was correct, my left arm was dislocated and so was the wrist, two fingers were broken, and from the inner forearm to elbow was profusely bleeding from the shards of rocks from my descent. My right arm was much the same, apart from no dislocations, and only one finger seemed to be broken. 

I clenched my eyes and let out a dry sob. The rest of my body seemed to be alright, thankfully, I hadn't flipped upside down when I’d fallen or I would definitely be dead by now. Deciding to see how far down I was I peered down first, I was definitely far closer to the bottom now. I could see the current of the river flowing strongly and could even make out some rocks that pushed up from the water in some places.

Drawing in a slow breath and reminding myself to stay calm, I turned my head and glanced back up. I whimpered, I was definitely further than halfway down, and there was no way I would be able to climb back up without any type of equipment, much less on the slippery rock face. I tried not to let the hopelessness of my situation overwhelm me. I just needed to think, if I could think, then I could find a way out,_ I just needed to think _.

Before I knew it, my breathing had picked up and my chest was rising and falling in rapid movements. A sound startled me and I became aware it was me letting out a horrible choking noise, my eyes stung as tears fell and my arms became numb with the cold and blood loss. _ I just needed to think. _

My mind went back to what Thaddeus had said ‘What do you think your little friends will think when they find you killed yourself rather than face me in a fight?’ What would they think? Kali would probably claim foul play, Archie would be inclined to agree. Delphi would be distraught and Cassius… Cassius was my oldest friend. He knew me best, he would know I hadn't jumped, not to avoid a fight with Thaddeus, he would know and he would lose his mind. 

He always wore his heart on his sleeve, if anything happened to any of his friends, to me… he would kill Thaddeus for it, I knew that for sure, justified or not, Dauntless would be forced to put him on trial, he would become factionless because of me. No. No, I couldn’t allow that. I would not be the reason my friend’s future was destroyed, or friends, seeing as Kali would probably be right behind him with a gun. That _ wasn’t _going to happen.

Looking down over the ledge again, I assessed at the drop critically, I had already fallen more than the distance from my current position to the water, unfortunately, I doubted the water would be a soft fall even from the lower height. There had to be another way.

There! 

Just under me, to the left towards the waterfall, was another ledge, like the one I was on but smaller, not wide enough to sit but enough that I could put my feet on sideways and hopefully, enough so I wouldn’t miss if I slid down the rock face to it.

I went to put my plan into action but hesitated. What if I just waited where I was. It would be morning in several hours and people used the path all the time, someone was sure to go past and If I shouted- I shoved the thought away, I was bleeding too much, I wouldn’t last 3 hours at this rate. With the decision made, I stripped off my t-shirt, hissing as the fabric pulled over my ripped flesh. I used my good fingers to tear the cotton shirt into strips, I quickly tied them around the worst of my arms figuring it would have to do.

I edged to the right, trying to line myself up as much as possible with my destination. Once I’d procrastinated a few more minutes, I decided it would have to be enough and used my good arm to cling to the bottom of my ledge and swung under it, before letting go on the backswing and sliding down the rock.

My arm screamed as my shoulders stayed in contact with the cliff, my legs aiming and I hit the ledge not moments later. My shoulders now had cuts but it was a shorted fall so they were not bleeding enough for me to be worried about it.

The ledge I was on didn’t have much support, and I doubted its ability to hold me, so I quickly reassessed my situation. From this distance my chances of surviving the jump into the water were far better, providing I didn’t land on a hidden rock. I didn’t really see any other way, and looking more frantically wasn’t doing me any good.

I swore as a rock fell from my ledge. Jumping into the water was about to become less of a decision, very soon. Still, I couldn’t help but look for any other options. The water below was rushing past as a speed far faster than I’d thought, I had only swum twice before in my life if you could call it swimming.

Another rock fell, causing my feet to shift closer and anxiousness to claw into my throat the same helpless feeling from when I was handing over the edge returned, and thoughts of my friends finding my bashed in face flickered through my eyes.

“Don’t think-” The young leader's voice echoed in my head, providing a clarity I had needed “You have to let your body react and learn to protect you. Trust yourself-” I took a slow shaky breath “-and let go.” I pushed off the rock and launched into the air.

Cold. Freezing cold. I hadn't expected the water to feel like knives cutting into my skin. The surprise had caused me to let out a gasp, and my breath was swept away by the current. I clawed with my arms, trying to reach the surface but the jump had pushed me into the water and I’d lost which way was up. 

Everything was dark and I began thrashing around in the water panic, making another appearance as I felt my lungs contract, desperately seeking air. The last of my air reserve was lost through a pained cry as my arm hit jagged rock. _ Wait _, the rock. Frantically grabbing onto it I used the rock to pull myself up and I broke the surface with an undignified choking. I sucked in air like it was the last time I ever would. I tried not to let the thought that it might be, cross my mind, I was unsuccessful.

The water was harsh not just in temperature, but the current battered against my worn body. I turned my head from side to side, trying to figure out whether I was supposed to head against, or with, the flow. Upon not finding any obvious tell of where either direction would lead, I resolved to go with the flow, no point in making a difficult situation even more so.

I released my anchor, this time more prepared for the rough waters. I directed myself to the edge of the river and used the rock wall to half guide and steady me as the river pulled me along. With the current on my side, the journey was near minutes before I had turned several bends and lost sight of the waterfall entirely.

I tried not to let the silence be an opening for my thoughts to point out how I had no idea where I was going, I instead hummed broken tunes when taking breaks against the side. The tunes were nonsensical noises I’d made during my youth and helped to calm my fears.

Somewhere along the way, I felt a shift in the water and the currents diverged. Opting to stay close to the wall, I felt the current get weaker but watched as the other water went rushing by. Curious I made my way along the wall trying to find the reason for the change of flow.

I found it when my arm reached for the stone and fell down into the water. There was an opening. It was pitch black but my eyes had adjusted slightly so I could see the shadow of the missing wall. Deciding I had had enough of the river, which for all I knew could go on forever, I pushed my body into the gap.

The archway lead into almost a hallway for the river clearly carved out by the powerful force of nature. Turning a bend and knocking into the wall I looked up to see light. I gasped, the moon was fully visible from an opening in the top of the cave and the light spilling down illuminated a sort of cave shore, with lots of tiny rocks instead of sand.

Pulling myself quickly along the outside of the cave now, I became increasingly aware of my body shivering and my inability to stop my teeth from clinking together, my lips were no doubt blue, I needed to get out of the water.

The cave was quite big, possible the size of two or three rooms, but I made it around and pushed through the shallow water on unsteady legs until I had made it to where the water lapped at my heels. I collapsed on the ground and let out a sound of relief, unable to hold it in. If I had been feeling anything close to normal, I would no doubt have been ashamed at how pathetic I was being, even if no one was around to see it.

After letting myself have a moment of weakness, I dug my hand into the tiny rocks so I could shove myself up and keep moving. I stopped upon feeling my hand hit something that had strange holes in it, it almost felt softer than the other surrounding rocks, lifting it, I discovered it was quite large and light. Curiously I held it in front of me towards the moonlight trying to see what it was.

I screamed. 

Blue light hit the object in my hand and I released it like the object had burned me. A skull. It was a skull. I scrambled to my feet and ran further into the cave, feeling like everywhere I stepped would be more human remains. I screamed again, clenching my fists into my legs and sobbing out a harsh breath. The past hours' events started to catch up to me. I had fallen, I was bleeding, I was cold and alone and now there were skeletons in the place I had thought safe. It was too much, I sunk to my knees hiccuping and crying with ragged breaths.

“Little Kore! You must breathe!” A strange voice pierced through my catatonic state and I let the words bring me back. “That’s it. Come now, breath, you must breathe Little Kore”

The slow drags of oxygen were like a drug and I felt myself whimper. I became aware that I was no longer feeling the wind against my skin, instead, I was bundled in a long bit of fabric. Feeling even more confused I looked up to see who had found me.

Beady eyes and long limbs greeted me. Kevin. Too exhausted to be wary around the creepy man, I threw myself into his arms and took deep breaths against his neck. He put his arms around me and lifted as though I weighed nothing. I felt us move but didn't bother to look where we were, not wanting to glimpse the stark white of bone, reflected by the moon.

I must have fallen unconscious, because the next time I opened my eyes, I was sitting in front of a roaring fire, still wrapped in Kevin's cloak. My eyes searched for the man and upon seeing him shuffling around the table behind me, I relaxed.

Despite having only met the man once, and not leaving with a good impression, the thought of being alone was something I couldn’t handle right now. “Where are we?” My voice came out scratchy and I scrunched up my nose in disgust.

He picked something up from the table and walked in front of me, before replying, “We are in my home.” He then pushed the cloak off my shoulder and reached for my arms. I let him take them, seeing the bandages and medical supplies in his lap. As he worked on my right arm I let myself take in my surroundings.

His home was all stone walls and floor, like the rest of Dauntless, however, his held the same damp, dewy texture as the Chasm had, it probably explained why we had to go so far down to find him the first time. looking at the room I was in now, I could see the differences from the one we had met in. This one had a stone slab in the centre of the room, functioning as a table, and surprisingly a homely looking armchair, which I was thankfully not in. There were no chests in the walls and only two doors leading from the room.

He finished with my right arm and I extended my left for him to deal with, “Thank you.” The gratitude in the statement had far more weight in it, than it ever had before, he obviously noticed because he paused and looked me in the eyes. Apparently finding what he was looking for he resumed the task and we sat in silence until he had finished.

Surprisingly he was the one to break it this time, “However did you get into that cave little Kore?” 

I remembered him calling me that name before, I wondered what it meant but pushed it aside in lieu of answering, “I fell.” It wasn’t a very hospitable answer, especially for someone who had just taken me into their home and patched me up, but he didn’t seem offended.

“You fell into the river, did you little Kore?” His voice held slight amusement and doubt, but I didn’t even want to think about what had happened, much less discussed it with a random stranger.

“My name’s Persie.” I changed the subject instead of answering.

He only gave a knowing smile, or grimace depending on how the fire flickered. He didn’t ask any more questions after that, but stood up and returned with some hot liquid for me to drink. I didn’t bother testing it like I normally would, I just started drinking deeply, immensely thankful when my lungs expanded and I felt my insides start to warm.

I had questions for Kevin and didn’t hold back “How did you find me? Are we close to the river?” I didn’t hear the sound of water but the stone walls could be deceptive with sound, I didn’t want to assume anything.

“I was near the moon cave when I heard your cry. We are further away now. Closer to the surface I think.” His tone was thoughtful and made me consider that this was most likely not the only part of his home. He probably had a sort of tunnel system. Maybe I’d trespassed in his moon cave. The thought had the rest of me seize up as I remember the skull I’d found.

Deciding to just go for it, I let the question escape, far more timidly than I’d hoped “There was a- skull.” I couldn’t make myself say any more, snapping my jaw shut to wait for his reply

Kevin let out a weary sigh “It is the will of the river.”

“Huh?” The undignified sound was all I could summon in response, and I sent him a quizzical look, asking for an explanation.

“There are those who the life of Dauntless is not to be. The river washes away their forms, cleansing both the memories and souls of the dead.”

I sat for a moment processing the creepy, but kind of beautiful way, the man spoke. There was no confusion on what he was talking about, Four had mentioned to us on our first night at Dauntless, that at least one person a year took their own life by means of the Chasm. It made sense that the river would cause some of the bodies to be lost, it made me feel a bit like I had overreacted now, but still, the thought of the remains surrounding me caused a shudder. I pushed the memory away. “What time is it?”

Kevin lifted the sleeve of his cloak, probably having gotten another one after giving me his. I was surprised to see a watch on his wrist. Not that there was anything surprising about the watch, rather, the man didn’t seem the type to have any kind of modern technology. “5:21 am”

“Shit.” I would have to be up in a few hours and then I would be versing Thaddeus in a match. I looked down at my bandaged arms and grimaced, would I?

Suddenly remembering my left shoulder, I reached up to feel how bad it was and found it reset, a look towards Kevin told me he must have done it when I was unconscious. Thank goodness for small mercies. Feeling better, and stronger now I was warmed up, and no longer having my life hanging in the balance, I stood. Seeing this Kevin raised an eyebrow “Feeling better now little Kore?”

I shot him a suspicious look at the continued use of the name, but otherwise, let it go, he had saved me after all. “Yes I am, thank you again.” Then as an afterthought, I added “And for the cockroaches. I guess that's twice this week you’ve helped me.”

His face broke into a tight grin at the mention of the cockroaches and he nodded silently in answer. Realising I want to go, he stood up, now towering over me, and led the way through one of the doors and then further through the tunnels that followed.

He had a hand on my upper back guiding me, but I didn’t feel the least bit threatened, I hoped it wasn’t the fact he had saved me clouding my judgment, but I didn’t send any malice or ill intention from the lanky man.

We passed through several more doors, rooms and corridors until finally, we reached a hallway that I recognised, having passed through it the first time I’d gone to see him with Neil. Stopping there, Kevin turned to me with a solemn look on his face, “Next time little Kore, you wish to come to me, you have no need to fall, only come here and follow the crack to my door.” He pointed down and I could faintly make out a crack that ran through the wall all the way along the bottom.

I smiled at him and he turned and left, his feet not making a sound as he disappeared from view. The thought of coming back to see Kevin didn’t fill me with suspicion and distrust as it once had. Perhaps I would take him up on his offer one day, for now, I made my way slowly back to my bed.

I had made it to the barricades rather quickly and had stripped off my still damp clothes, changed into clingy sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. I had tried to sleep but even time I closed my eyes, I snapped them open and they found their way back over to where Thaddeus motionless form lay in his bed, resting peacefully.

Finally having enough, I shoved off the blankets and slipped into my shoes going for a walk. I avoided the Chasm, despite knowing exactly where Thaddeus was, and instead found my way wandering to the training room. I didn’t practice but sat against one of the walls and closed my eyes, not sleeping but resting to try and recover my strength.

I wasn’t sure what I would do about Thaddeus’s attempted murder. The obvious choice was to inform the leaders, however, a nagging doubt ate away at me and by the time the sun rose I still couldn’t shake off the feeling they wouldn’t believe me.

Before everyone had woken I made my way to the mess hall and grabbed some food for my shaking hands. I didn’t eat there, but brought it back to the training room and continued to wait. By the time Four made his way inside with the other initiates slowly following, I had made my mind up for what I was going to do.


	6. Anaideia

I noticed the second Thaddeus saw me. He froze just after entering the room. I kept my expression blank, but I was sure my eyes gave away my rage. He only paused for a moment, but it was enough for me to see the fear in him, before he straightened up and with clenched fists followed the other initiates to stand in front of the ring.

I too decided it was time to move, and pushed up from the ground to go join the rest. Archie who hadn't spotted me upon entering gave a nod in greeting and Kali wished me good luck, but I didn’t respond as my eyes were fixed firmly on the ring, waiting.

Sure enough Four began his address “Today, Persie and Thaddeus will fight, then Leuke and Michael and after lunch Jackson and Zane. Can the first match please step into the ring.” I didn’t rush up like I wanted to, but forced myself to tune out all the other passing sounds and tried to remember the feel of the crackling fire that had saved me from an icy grave.

I stood in the ring, opposite Thaddeus and was oddly calm. I didn’t let my mind wander from the fire. I didn’t analyse his posture or let myself ponder what he was thinking. Yesterday I would have, Yesterday I would have been going over every fight I’d seen Thaddeus have, but not now. Not today.

“Begin.” The familiar word brought a sense of peace, I was glad to be able to hear it another time.

Thaddeus reacted first, his fish flying towards my collar. I turned my body sideways causing him to tottle forwards, his own motion betraying him. Not wasting a moment, I brought the point of my elbow straight across his cheek. It caused him to take a dive into the mat, but I didn’t follow him down.

Yesterday I would have but now I was angry and hurt and I wanted him to feel what I felt. I didn’t want the match to be over quickly, I wanted to drag out his pain and I intended to do just that. I prowled around him and let spitting words fly as Thaddeus wiped the blood from his face and struggled to regain his footing “Awh, do you need a hand up?” 

He responded to the jab with a snarl and threw his shoulders into my stomach shoving me to the ground. I was vaguely aware of the complete silence in the room, the watches having realised something else was happening besides the match.

I thrust my knee upwards aiming for a tender area and was rewarded by his howel of pain and momentary distraction which I used to shoot from under him in between his legs and stand up again to deliver a kick square on his tailbone, I followed it immediately with three rapid hits to his lower neck and finally his face when he turned to try to defend himself.

He managed to turn himself around fully during my onslaught of hits and landed one right in my gut. I dropped to the ground, he tried to repeat the action but I clenched onto the arm as it swung out and dug my nails deep into his skin to keep my grip tight.

He tried to use the other arm, aiming for my head but I was already moving, darting behind him, his arm still clenched in mine I twisted it up his back and pushed my back muscles into an upwards movement of his arm. It was a submission hold but I didn’t pause in it long enough to let him concede. I doubted he would have anyway, but I never gave him the chance. Shoving the arm all the way up until a sharp crack sounded and a scream pierced the air.

He fell flat, one arm hanging off the edge of the mats, his fingers digging into them with his other hand pressed against his aching groin, I let the current power rush heat my words. “You know, I find this kind of fitting actually.” I detangled myself and bent down, spitting the words that had been repeating in my head for the last few hours, “You. Hanging on with you _ fingertips- _ ” I emphasised the word by straightening up and letting my heel come crashing down onto the aforementioned flesh, another snapping sound filled the air and he let out a strangled cry, this one sounding far closer to the ones I had made, more a sob than a moan, and full of _ fear, _“-begging to be let up-”

“Persie..” Four tried to interrupt, but I was deaf to anything else. 

I fisted my hand in his hair and yanked it back, forcing him to arch unnaturally from the ground, I brought his ear to my lips and dropped my voice but the words still carried through the room, “Right. Where. You. Should. Be.” On each word I jerked his head back further.

With a final snarl, I promptly dropped him and he landed with a thud. I didn’t bother to try and look like I was the slightest bit worried for his well being. Nor did I try to look apologetic to Four when our eyes met. I hadn't done anything wrong. Instead, I simply walked off the mats to grab my drink bottle, I took a swig of it and stared down the other transfers who were watching with uncomfortable looks. 

I knew why, my match had been rather brutal and there hadn’t yet been a match, not even one of Zane’s, where the fighter was so obviously, trying to make the other person cry. The air was tense as Zane and Lo helped Thaddeus from the ring and no one spoke. 

Upon sweeping over the initiates, my eyes flicked over to where Eric was standing and I found his own firmly locked on me. His expression might have been unreadable, if I hadn't spent a good few hours with the leader in the gun range and seen the exact look on him after I shot my first, and only, bullseye. It was an appraising look and dangerously close to pride.

ooOOooOOoo

Michael and Leuke’s fight was a basic match, Leuke winning it with an armbar that Michael had submitted to. Thankfully after their fight the tension from my match had dissipated somewhat, but a stern look from Kali told me she wouldn’t be letting it go.

Eric had watched the second fight like normal, his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face, but every now and then I felt them on me and would look up to see him staring, those times I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but he never looked away when I caught him. I doubted he could feel embarrassed at being caught.

I was flanked by Archie and Kali as I walked to the mess hall and got the airy feeling of being walked to my execution. I pushed the thought away and straightened my back, I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell the others, not the truth that's for sure. Despite me being alive and kicking, I doubted it would placate my friends, and the same image of Cassius being thrown out of Dauntless crossed my mind. _ No, not going to happen. _

We took our seats and it was quiet for a moment before Kali decided to break it. “Let's start with where you were this morning.” Her eyes bored into mine and I saw Delphi and Cassius perk up, interested in the response as well.

“I went to the training room.” It wasn’t a lie, thankfully, growing up Candor I’d never been good at it.

“Alright. So you went to the training room-” I nodded even though it wasn't a question “-What about last night, training too?” another nod. She pursed her lips but Archie, never one to beat around the bush, asked what they really wanted to know.

“What happened between you and Thaddeus today?”

“What?” The sharp interjection came from Cassius, not having been there for the fight he didn’t know what was happening. A look towards Delphi confirmed she was listening intently as well.

I sighed stiffly, “He attacked me when I was coming back from the training room last night, I figured I needed to get my message across, that's all.”

Cassius spoke up “What message, what happened?” He wasn’t looking at me so Kali answered him.

“Persie had her fight against Thaddeus today, as you know, and well… she definitely put him in the infirmary to say the least.”

Cassius frowned about to ask her to elaborate but Delphi focused on a different point, “He attacked you?” The reminder of what I had said caused Cassius to start looking me up and down for injuries, he obviously saw the bruising from our recent fight, and appeared to be trying to assess whether they were from this morning or last night.

“Yes-” I took pity on him and gestured to my face “-don’t worry, this is from the fight.”

Brad confirmed it “Yes, she didn’t have any visible injuries when we saw her in the morning.” He put emphasis on visible with a pointed glance to my covered arms. 

Realising they wouldn’t be letting it go any time soon I opted to try changing the subject. “Visiting day is tomorrow.” I’ll give my mother a 100% chance that she wont show.

“Don’t try changing the subject.” I groaned at Kali in response, I wasn’t sure what to do now, I didn’t want to tell them but they obviously weren't going to give it up.

Delphi came to my rescue, “Look sweetie, Thaddeus is a big guy and he attacked you at night, no one’s going to give you shit for I don't know, not defending yourself, or something stupid like that.” The furious expression that flashed across her face showed how she was going to enforce her words, “You don’t need to go into detail of what he did… just, if he, did he _ hurt _you?”

I immediately knew what she wasn’t saying and was quick to reassure them “No, no he didn’t force me to do anything, I just don’t really want to think about it anymore. I feel stupid for letting him sneak up on me, and to be honest I hated that I felt so helpless.” The table relaxed at my confession and Kali gave a pat on my shoulder signifying she accepted my reasoning and would let it go.

The others followed suit and soon our table was full of talk about Visiting day with Cassius miming kissing sounds to Archie who, in a rare show of emotion, was very excited for the visit. My eyes lingered on Kali, who had gone unusually silent and I remember the thin scars that crossed her back. I brushed my hand on top of hers with a gentle smile for comfort. Sharing a look with Delphi we took our leave from the boys and headed to the empty Barakaides.

Kali clung to Delphi upon entering and I made myself useful by grabbing bed sheets and pillows then chucking them on the floor so we could snuggle around her. “Was it your dad?” Delphi asked.

“No-” she paused “-my mum actually.”

I snarled “Bitch.” Kali laughed at my matter of fact tone, I had never been very good at comforting people, humour was my go-to, so I decided to add on “Almost as bad as a pencil thief.” It sent Kali into chuckles, answering whether or not she remembered our brief past.

Delphi quirked an eyebrow not understanding the comment but decided to move on. “Even if she comes you don’t have to see her, you know that right?”

Kali nodded, “Yeah I know, I just… Dauntless is my home now, I don’t want her changing how it feels.”

That made sense and I felt a fresh wave of rage hit me at the thought of Kali feeling unsafe here, I knew what that was like, I had felt that only hours before. I didn’t want the same for her. My mind started whirling and I almost missed Kali’s next words, caught up in my own mind. “What about you Persie? You said your mum wouldn’t come?”

“No.” I answered honestly, my mother and I had always been distant, it was neither of our faults. I did love her, and I knew she loved me too, in her own way. 

Kali frowned at my answer “How can someone not go visit their children, it might be the last time they see you, I don’t understand?”

Shrugging I tried to explain, “Well my mum she's very young, and I think in an effort to protect herself she's always kept a distance from me. Not that I blame her, I get it, really I do. She won’t come because she doesn't want to reopen the wound of me leaving, it’s nothing to do with me personally.

“And your dad?” It came from Delphi.

My expression hardened, “He’s in jail.” I didn’t say any more than that, thankfully the other two girls were quite perceptive. I didn’t mind my new family learning about my life and I trusted them all, the boys as well. But sometimes an understanding was reached through just us girls, and in that moment, I was glad the three of us had found each other.

ooOOooOOoo

We dropped Delphi off with Cassius and headed to our respective gyms. Eric wasn't there after lunch and Jackson surprisingly won his fight against Zane, which put him above the red. After the last fight of the day we moved on to Knife throwing.

Launching my first knife into the air I hissed as I felt the bandages jerk against my torn flesh. I was very thankful that Thaddeus was still in the infirmary and thus didn’t have to worry about any more injuries as I went to collect the fallen knife.

By the end of the session, I had managed to find a slightly different angle from normal that allowed me to maintain my aim with less stress on my body. I checked the board for my name and nearly missed it. 10th. I was in 10th place. My win against Thaddeus had bumped me up 9 places. I grinned, _ oh I could so do this. _

Before I left I walked over to Four, with a wave to Kali indicating she could go without me. “Is there a problem initiate?”

I shook my head “No, I was just wondering if we would be doing any knife combat, for initiation?”

He looked briefly confused, “We are doing knife combat.”

“No, I mean, close combat. We already are learning to shoot, so throwing knives seems a little redundant, shouldn’t we be learning to fight up close with weapons?”

He scowled at the correction, “No, we don’t do close combat weapon training with the initiates, most situations will only require long-distance attacks, and the fight matches are for if you are caught off guard.”

My mind helpfully brought up the memory of being shoved off the walkway and I scowled back “That's kind of stupid, what if your opponent is bigger than you and takes you unaware, surely it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared in that way-”

I was cut off by him getting into my face, radiating annoyance, I didn’t know if it was because of his opinions on my last fight, or because I was questioning the system, “-Don’t get too big for your boots, initiate. If you can’t successfully fight off an attack without a knife to do it for you, then you don’t belong in Dauntless.”

Rage flickered through me but I shoved it down. He didn’t know shit, and if he wanted to be dick about my concerns, then fine. I whirled around and stormed out of the room. I had someone else I needed to find, and the pit was my first destination.

Neil actually found me first.

“I need a knife.” I said in greeting

“Well hello, to you too.” I didn’t bother to engage in his banter, experience from Cassius letting me know it would just go on and on.

“I have information in exchange.” I figured he would probably not do everything for me for free, and I doubted he had his own point’s bank for me to exchange, hence the decision to pay him in a way I knew he wouldn't be able to resist.

“Oh?”

It was a risk, considering Cassius was his brother and he probably already knew a lot about him, still I figured it might also be the one area he knew little on and just decided to hand over the purple gemstone. He eyed it in curiosity as I elaborated “Cassius gave it to me after the first time we played together. He was showing off so I dared him to climb the statue outside the school, the one that some kid had fallen from the day before, he did and pulled the gem from it’s eye. Miss Tara noticed it was missing and searched everyone's bags, He’d given it to me, so she found it in mine. It was confiscated and I was given detention. He felt guilty so he spent the entirety of my detention outside the window acting out funny scenes when the teacher wasn’t looking.”

Neil laughed, looking delighted at my little story.

“He climbed the statue again the next day and stole the other eye.” I gestured to the gem he was holding “This time we hid it better though.”

“Cute. But you do know this is Dauntless right?”

“I am aware.”

“Then you should know that you can buy a knife practically anywhere.”

It was my turn to grin “Well yes, but I don’t want just any knife, I want throwing knives that can sit flush against my skin, not visible to anyone who doesn't know they are there.”

He took a second to scan me, looking for something I didn’t know. Upon finding it he nodded solemnly “Alright, I’ll get you some knives, but-” he waggled a finger in my face, which I made sure to give an unimpressed look for “-you have to learn how to use them.”

That wasn’t a problem for me, as I was planning on it anyway. Agreeing to his demand, we parted ways, I walked on lighter feet the rest of the day, the dread that had become a new feature since the fall, lifted slightly.


	7. Pay the Ferryman

Visiting Day had arrived and Kali had been gone before I had woken. I didn’t let myself worry about it, she could handle herself and I figured she wouldn’t be up to a run today anyway. I still pulled on my shoes and went to wake up Brad. We made our way through Dauntless until we came to the members' entrance. I smirked at Brad who was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes and bolted off into the distance.

I loved the feeling of the wind whipping past, and the burn in my legs I could run for hours and not mind, however, it was the concrete jungle of a city that was really the fun bit. Broken concrete and parts of buildings stuck up from the ground we couldn’t just run, we had to jump and climb through gaps, I loved it, my monkey-like tendencies coming through.

I leapt from a steel beam and let my fist close around a pipe overhead, I used the momentum to carry me across a gap and released before the momentum carried me back, landing in a crouch on the other side.

“Come on!” Brad let out an exasperated noise and I laughed. I loved Dauntless. After another half hour of running, we had made it quite far into the city and decided to turn back. 

Before Brad could take off I called out “Wait a sec.”

“What?” I didn’t bother to respond, simply dropping down into a crouch and scoping up a few coins. I pocketed them and motioned for Brad to start running again. He hesitated a second before apparently deciding not to bother questioning me and begin the journey back.

ooOOooOOoo

It was Saturday and as such, we didn’t have training but our families wouldn’t be arriving until after lunch. Still, I didn’t see Kali at breakfast and Delphi noticed the same thing if her worried tapping was anything to go by. I could have probably said something to reassure her but didn’t bother, I was unlikely to set her mind at ease.

After lunch, I headed off on my own, Delphi’s concern and Archie and Brad’s enthusiasm beginning to get to me. I fingered the coins in my pocket as I made my way past the Chasm, I couldn’t help the nerves that fluttered in my stomach and the occasional checks I did over my shoulder as I walked.

I had successfully avoided the path since Thursday but I couldn’t avoid it forever and figured now was as good of a time as any. I didn’t stop at the spot I had been pushed from, but my eyes did linger on the ledge. Moving on, I made my way through the maze of rock, until I had finally come to a familiar hallway. I bent down to touch the crack in the stone before straightening up and following it into the dark. 

I managed to make it to Kevin’s door within a decent amount of time, only getting lost once along the way. I knocked once, unable to remember Neil’s fancy one from my first visit. The slot opened in the door and I caught beady eyes peering down at me. A moment passed then the slot closed and the door was pulled wide. “Hi, Kevin.”

“Hello, little Kore.”

I flashed him a smile and stepped past him into the room. It didn’t cause the unease it had the first time, but it still wasn’t the most welcoming of places. I ignored it in favour of my new friend. “Neil said he’s going to get me some knives, but Four, he’d my instructor, said he won’t teach me how to use them in close range.” I watched him to see how he would respond.

Kevin didn’t look startled by the statement, and calmly responded, “And why would the instructor not teach you that little one?”

I huffed “I don’t know.” I kept it short not wanting to get into my current issues with Four, “But I was hoping you would teach me.” 

He almost appeared amused by my request “You want me to teach you to fight?”

“With knives.” I corrected

“You don’t know if _ I _ can fight.” He pointed out

“Well, that’s why I’m asking, besides if you can't, I'm willing to bet you can find someone that will.” His ability to find 3kgs of cockroaches within hours was a testament to that. Not waiting for him to respond I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of coins.

He gave a scratchy chuckle as he saw them before holding out his hand, I tipped the disks into his waiting palm. “Clever little Kore.” It was all he said before heading over to one of the doors and pulling it open with a spidery hand.

I made my way over and with a hesitant look to him, entered the next room. It was one I had never been in before, it was smaller than a normal room but not overly so. It didn’t have any chests nor anything else, it was completely bare bar the door we had entered through.

Kevin pulled a thin knife, bigger than a throwing one, from within his cloak I thought he was going to hand it to me but he didn’t. in answer to my confused look, he clarified “First, you must learn to defend from one who is armed, whilst you're not.” I guess that made sense.

I took a fighting stance and pulled up my guard ready to do as he said. He jabbed out with his unnaturally long arms and before I could react the knife was positioned by the side of my throat, my guard apparently useless against the quick movements.

He pulled back “Your arms must be further from your jaw. In a match with fists, your stance is good, but you want distance with a knife, so you may block the arm faster.” I repositioned my arms as he said and he demonstrated the same move again.

The second time I managed to grab his arm before it reached my ear. He nodded before pointing out another thing “Keep your hands open, it is easier to clench them into fists than to release, and an open palm to the jaw is just as effective as a closed one. It will make you faster still.” I did as he said and we went through it again.

His teaching methods were different to both Four and Eric, he repeated the move until I had gotten it, correcting and improving my response until it was right. Then he did another move and repeated the process. His main focus seemed to be the speed of my return. I imagined it like a spider catching its prey.

Time passed and Kevin had shown me 5 possible attacks one could do with a knife and I had managed to learn 5 different blocks. At one point he had switched back to the first attack and had thrown me, causing me to miss the block. He chuckled at that and gave a silky reprimand “Do not think Kore, you must learn muscle memory and simply react to the attack, fighting is like a conversation, your opponent will speak and you must be ready to respond.”

His words were similar to Eric’s advice and I tried to focus less on planning my actions and just doing. The comparison to a conversation was strangely insightful and made sense, logical you need an opponent for a fight, therefore, it hinges on the both of you for anything to happen.

By the time Kevin had gone through all 5 of the moves, I was breathing heavily and my arms ache, a familiar feeling lately. I knew it was well past lunch and decided I should probably check in on Delphi and see if she had found Kali yet. “Thank you Kev, can I come back again sometime this week?” I figured since he had given me a nickname I would do the same.

“Come here tomorrow morning, and after your training on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” I nodded and took my leave.

He didn’t see me out, but I knew the way and I soon found myself once again passing the Chasm. I didn’t stop this time, unable to stomach bringing back the unwelcome feeling of instability. Besides Thaddeus had got out of the hospital today and who knows if my message had scared him off or simply made him angrier.

“Persie! Come here Archie’s family want to meet all his friends!” A yell from Kali distracted me and I was a little surprised to see she had actually shown up in the pit. I probably shouldn’t have been, Kali was never one to back down from her fears, besides she could definitely take her mother in a heartbeat now.

I made my way over to Archie and two older women who were presumably his parents, a younger-looking girl was also with them, she looked like a carbon copy of Archie if he had been a girl and younger. “Hello.” I greeted them with a smile, trying to make a good impression for Archie.

“This is Persie, she’s the one I told you about who let me in the group.” I was a little startled by Archie's statement but upon thinking about it I realised he must be referring to the fact that I introduced him to Cassius on that first day.

“Nonsense-” I clapped Archie lightly on the shoulder “Archie wormed his way into all our hearts upon first sight, ‘Twas like a fairy tale, instant infatuation.” 

“Yeah-” Kali interjected, “Especially for Cassius.” I laughed and high fived her while said boy turned an interesting shade of red.

“Well-” One of Archie’s mums spoke up “-I’m very glad you have all managed to find each other, especially in such a violent faction.” It wasn’t said with malice but how one would state a fact, Archie still groaned and shoot us an apologetic look, I didn’t mind, I knew how Dauntless looked to the other factions, having grown up with my mother, it probably didn’t help that visiting day was during stage one.

“I’m glad we met too,” I let my words be coloured by emotion so the others knew how serious I was, despite being a Candor I had always struggled to tell people what they meant to me, but on the occasions I got it out I wanted them to know how much.

Cassius ruffled my hair in response before turning the conversation to a lighter topic, asking Melissa, Archie's mother who had spoken, about their current progress in the latest serum. I learned that Melissa worked with some of the higher-ups in Erudite to perfect and create the serums used in each faction. Katie, Archie’s other mother, worked in medicine and had helped to create the healing serum which had saved my arm from Thaddeus' knife.

Archie kept the talk away from our invitation, probably not wanting them to worry about him, so we followed his lead. His younger sister Alla became attached to Neil, who never ignoring a chance to show off his knowledge and stole her away to introduce her to everyone at Dauntless.

At one point Brad brought his family over and the group became larger, with Delphi showing up donning some new running shoes, apparently her solution to having lost Kali.

Overall the day was nice and freeing from the day to day activities that had become routine, while I loved training and getting stronger, I never liked any kind of order so the break was welcome. 

Kali’s mother hadn't shown, which was just as well seeing as Cassius had somehow found out about her and even Archie’s family hadn't been able to stop him entirely from searching the crowded every now and again, anger present in his expression.

That night Kali slept in my bed, I was unsure if it was because the body that occupied Thaddeus sheets had returned, or something else, but I was thankful for it all the same.

ooOOooOOoo

On Sunday I returned to Kevin for more practice. I met Neil along the way and he gave me my requested knives, along with a leather ankle holder to strap them in.

I had told the others that I was getting help from an older member of Dauntless to teach me the close combat and offered them to join. They declined, preferring to have their free time to relax or in Brad’s case, practising the things we were getting scored on.

He’d moved up in the last week, from last place to 35st, still in the red, but with two weeks to go, I was pretty confident he would make it, especially seeing as Delphi was helping him out.

I was still one of the worst at shooting and when Eric had watched on Monday I had been thoroughly chewed out in front of everyone. 

“Pathetic.” The comment had everyone stopping, now used to Eric’s humiliation to know he wanted an audience. I winced internally but realistically I knew it had been coming for a while. “How long have you been here initiate?”

“5 weeks Sir.” My response was clipped so I didn’t give away any emotion, it was an awful feeling to be called out but I couldn’t let it show, he would jump on the weakness like a hound scenting fear.

“5 weeks.” He repeated, “And after 5 weeks, how many times have you hit the target?” It was a rhetorical question, as there was no way I could know how many times I’d hit or missed my shot over a 3 week period. He had a snarl on his face the minute he had graced the roof apparently woken up in a foul mood. I made the mistake of glancing over to Four, he always hated it when Eric interjected and I wanted to see if it applies to me also. Eric followed my line of sight and snapped, thinking I had looked for a different reason “Are you _ scared _right now initiate?” His tone was sharp and once the words had registered, I knew I was in deep shit.

I responded quickly and firmly to show I wasn’t “No.”

“No?” His voice took on a dangerous edge and I resisted the urge to look away from him again. “Because if you can't handle hearing about your own pathetic performance then you don’t belong here.” It was a common threat but it still made my gut clench every time it was said.

“I’m not afraid,” I repeated hoping my forceful tone would convince him.

A sick smirk crossed his face and I knew I shouldn’t have been so stupid. “Stand in front of the target.”

_ Fuck. _

I didn’t ask what he meant, knowing very well what he was asking me to do. I turned sharply and walked over to the humanoid cut out. It was bigger than me, a fully grown male, but not by much. I forced my hands to relax as he stalked over to my station and picked up my gun. I tried not to listen to the nervous whispers of the other initiates. 

I was almost glad when Eric spoke again sending them all into silence. “If you flinch, then you’re out.” His tone was bored almost like he’d said the same thing a thousand times. I tried to prepare myself for the sound the shot would make and didn’t bother looking over to Four, he couldn’t save me and I would be ashamed to resort to that even if he could. I was the reason I was in this mess, and I would be the one to get myself out of it.

Eric lined himself up and I tried to remember the day on the roof when he hadn't missed a shot.

‘Bang!’

I let out a breath between my teeth and maintained eye contact with the leader. It was odd to see the gun from this side and I hoped I never had to again.

‘Bang!’

I didn’t know where it went but the second one was louder and I knew he was getting closer.

‘Bang!’

My hearing might suffer from this.

‘Bang!’

_ Oh fuck. _ I had felt air rush past my hand that time and I briefly wondered if he would purposefully hit me to see how I would react.

‘Bang!’

I saw the gun lower but didn’t register the lesson was over until Eric spoke again “Congratulations Persie, maybe you’ll make it here after all.” I blinked at him surprised at the use of my name and what probably amounted to a compliment. Huh, who knew all you had to do to impress Eric was to be shot at.

Eric walked away and Kali rushed towards me. She grabbed my arm gently and pulled me from the target. I was about to ask her why she was trying to steady me when I took my first step. “Whoah!”

“Hey, take it easy Persie,” Kali snapped clearly concerned. I grunted in answer and waited a second before straightening my back and walking back to my station unhindered.

It was safe to say, the rest of the practice I did not improve, if anything I was worse, missing more than half of my shots. Thankfully Eric seemed content to have made his point to me and instead hassled Leuke who was in much the same boat.

ooOOooOOoo

The rest of the week I got the opportunity to redeem myself in Eric’s eyes, by winning all my fights. One against Leuke and the other Archie. I didn’t hold back on either of them, I was quickly like I always had been but now I no longer choose the option that would cause the least injury, instead, I did the first thing that occurred to me at the time, usually resulting in ruthless tactics.

My fights were definitely the most brutal, and I probably would have hated to watch them. I know the other transfers, that I was friendly with, had become wary of me after my fight with Archie, apparently seeing me not act any differently against my friend had upset them. I refused to feel bad though, it was what we were here to do, and if it resulted in Eric's smirk, I frankly didn’t care.

Archie hadn’t minded, even though he wound up with a dislocated knee and some nasty bruising, he had tried as hard as myself, and we held no ill feelings towards each other. By the end of our second-to-last week of the first stage, I had clawed my way up the ranks to 7th place, beating Kali, Archie and Zane who had dropped with his fight losses. 

Brad was sitting pretty in 29th leaving Leuke, Michael and three Dauntless born in the red. We celebrated Brad’s achievement that night, by all going out to get our first drinks at Dauntless. 

Kali promptly got plastered and started hitting on anything that moved, including, but not limited to, a scary-looking woman with more piercings than she had skin, an older gentleman who actually happened to one of the oldest I’d seen in the faction, and a very understanding Dauntless born initiate, who was so flattered by Kali’s drunken ramblings about her ‘Dewey drop eyes’ that she decided to ditch her own friends and join Kali in getting pissed.

Archie was going strong, having gotten caught up in a drinking contest with the bartender and being egged on by an excited crowd. 

Brad was hanging around Cassius, neither one touching the alcohol but still dumb enough to start singing karaoke on one of the tables. It was chaos and I was thriving, having jumped from hard liquor with Kali, to a few bears watching Archie, and then joining the other boys on the table. By far my favourite part was watching Delphi anxiously jumping between us, her mom friend mode turned up to the max.

To her immense credit, she probably did save as all a few times, she stopped Kali from leaving with the older man, and managed to somehow save me from falling off a table just in time before disappearing again. I was pretty sure at one point she knocked someone out with a single hit, I think it was because the guy had tried to spike Archie’s drink, but I couldn’t be sure.

By 1 o’clock in the morning Delphi skillfully rounded us up and with some help from the other sober boys, managed to get us into our beds. Tomorrow was going to suck... it was a good thing it was Saturday, and we could sleep in.


	8. Awaken Ares

The sleep that I so desperately wanted did not come to fruition and meer hours later we were woken with a shout. Startling out of bed I let my confusion be known “What the hell is going on?”

An answer was shouted back, “War games!” but it didn’t help to clarify things in the slightest.

Deciding to just copy what everyone else was doing I stumbled into my training gear. Kali, the fucker, was already dressed and helping Archie into his jacket, how she had managed to remain graceful when definitely still somewhat intoxicated, baffled me.

Once everyone was dressed the Dauntless born lead the way and we began to run through the halls not bothering to stay quiet for the other members. We burst through the entrance and assembled outside on the grasser side of the tracks. I spotted Four and Eric walking over and was surprised to find them both looking within some semblance of happy. We heard the train coming before our leaders had made it over to us. It went rushing past just as they arrived and I let my feet take over, starting to run alongside the carriages. Archie jumped up and opened the door, I followed next, finding it far easier than I remembered catching the train the first time. Definitely an effect of the training. 

Once we had all piled into the single carriage, Eric addressed us. “Hello, Initiates. Good job to you all for making it thus far. As of next week 5 of you will be leaving us, however, today you will be stimulating your first ever shoot out with a game of capture the flag.”

Oh, war games, now I understood.

Four held up what was clearly a gun, but looked like it was made from plastic rather than metal. “This is your weapon, each one is stocked full of sim darts, which cause the same feeling of pain and a normal gunshot wound, the only difference being no lasting damage. Any questions?”

Nobody said anything so he turned to Eric “You want to choose first?”

“Alright. Persie, you’re with me.”

“Eh. What?” I couldn’t help the exclamation of surprise, everyone knew I was the worst shot and this was a game of guns.

Eric didn’t give an explanation but simply stared me down, personally, liking him liking me and wanting it to stay that way, I didn’t say anything else but made my way over to him taking the gun he handed me.

Four looked just as confused with the choice as me, surprisingly when looking out at the crowd of initiates, I could see a few nodding at the decision. _ Odd. _

“Andrew.” Four picked a Dauntless-born who I guessed was the current best at shooting, seeing as Delphi was still the top overall.

“Archie.” Eric chose him, which must mean Archie is the second best at shooting within the whole group. _ Interesting _.

Delphi went to Four.

Eric chose Brad next, then Four called out a different Dauntless-born. It went on until everyone had a team. Cassius and Kali ended up on Four’s side. 

Our team had myself, Brad, Archie, Zane, Lo, Emma and 6 other Dauntless-borns, including the one girl Kali had been flirting with last night. Once we had our teams, both leaders held up their flags. Four’s was yellow and ours Green. Eric told us to jump off the train, and the game began.

ooOOooOOoo

It was supposed to be a team exercise led by the initiates with input and guidance from the instructors. So after leaving the train, Kali’s Dauntless-born, who I found out was called Talea, took charge and led us from the tracks through the grass until we made camp by a strange metal structure that Archie called a rollercoaster. Zane joined Talea up the front and with input from others, they started to plan the attack.

It was pretty dark out, with only the light from the moon, which was covered by clouds at the moment and would probably stay that way. Our flag was a beacon in the night and it was quickly decided it would be placed at the top of the roller coaster.

“3 minutes left till you can’t move the flag.” Eric’s call moved the team into action with Talea giving out instructions.

“Alright, 12 of us are going to head out for a full-scale attack on the others, while 4 will stay behind to guard the flag.” that sounded reasonable to me.

Zane called off a few names, “Richard, Marly and Persie will stay with Eric.”

“Wait what?” They all looked at me but I ignored the others in favour of pointing out the flaw in Zane’s logic. “I think you might be forgetting that I am quite literally the worst aim in this entire team, shouldn’t someone better stay behind?” I wouldn’t pretend the admission didn’t hurt my pride a little, but the truth was I wanted to win and we wouldn’t do it with me that was for sure.

To my surprise Zane laughed, I didn’t know what was funny about what I had said, but Talea also had a smile on her face. Before I could demand to know what it was about, she explained. “Persie, we all know you aren't the worst shot if your throwing skills are any indication.”

There were a few nods in agreement from the others but I was still confused, “I don’t think we’re allowed to use knives, considering it’s only a game.”

Apparently realising I truly didn’t understand Archie spoke up, “We can’t use knives no, but we don’t just have to use the gun. I think your fighting style in the ring has gotten around, everyone knows you fight ruthlessly and that's just what we need to protect the flag.”

_ Oh _, that made more sense, still, I hadn't known the Dauntless-born were even aware of the transfers fight let alone cared. A look at Eric told me that he had known and it was the reason he had called my name so easily. “Alright. Guard the flag. I can do that.” 

“Good.” Zane sated boldly before continuing with his instructions. “Richard, you camp down in the trees-” He pointed to the line of trees several hundred meters in front of our chosen base, “Marly, you take the back plains-” That was the grassy area behind the roller coaster, “Persie, you guard the bottom and Eric will take the flag up to the top.” Eric grunted in response and accepted the flag from Lo.

With a few final words the rest of the team headed off and we took our positions. I walked with Eric to the foot of the roller coaster and before he started to climb I handed him my cartridge of sim darts. He took it with a nod, understanding I wouldn't be needing them. I watched Eric climb the rusted metal until his form blended into the night. I turned away after a few minutes of peering into the dark, unable to see him and waited. The green glow of the flag appeared above me and I turned away.

Minutes passed and I stayed vigilant, my gaze sweeping the grounds. Although I know Zane intended for me to guard the ladder Eric had climbed, I made sure to watch all the parts where the structure touched the ground. More time passed and my eyes adjusted to the dark, able to see a little more than just shadows now, the silence of the land was very noticeable but almost calming in a way, only the wind broke it.

ooOOooOOoo

Footsteps alerted me to someone's presence and I closed my eyes to better sense the direction they were coming from. _ To my left _. I moved forward on my toes, careful to be as silent as my surroundings. The footsteps stopped, apparently assessing the situation, probably wondering about the lack of security.

Their hesitation was broken when a pop was heard followed quickly by a scream of pain. Apparently Eric had spotted another one. My target bolted at the cry, giving me a clear indication of where they were. I followed them running just as fast but without letting my heels touch the ground to maintain my secrecy.

My foot landed on a hard mound of dirt and I used it to launch myself forward arms wrapping around my intended target. I caught them before they crashed to the ground and gripped my hand over their mouth so the startled cry wouldn’t be heard. They struggled but I didn't give them much more of an opportunity before snaking my arms around their neck and clenching tight to my chest. They passed out within seconds and I used their jacket to hogtie them, not wanting to have to submit them a second time when they woke up.

Another pop then cry pierced the air, I wondered how Eric was even able to hit his target, let alone see them. Pushing on I did a brief run around the roller coaster to see if I had let anyone slip past me. Finding it clear I returned to the base of the ladder.

I saw the next one, they were moving too rapidly, obviously trying not to be hit by Eric, but their fast movements in random directions immediately drew my eye. I didn’t bother to run but walked slowly knowing the night would mask me, I paused a few meters from them and noticed it was Emma. She ran right into my arms and didn’t even seem to realise she was caught before she fell unconscious at my squeeze.

Another pop sounded but no cry followed, hearing it land rather close to me, I thought Eric must have mistaken me for the other team but upon turning around I promptly tripped over a body. It was a Dauntless-born and Eric’s shot had hit them right in the back of the neck, knocking them out instantly. _ Hot damn. _ The rest of the night continued like that, with Eric and I working to take out the waves of people that attacked. I could hear Marley and Richard shooting in the distance but they were too far away to see.

I was running on adrenaline, darting here and there to take out another then another, Eric’s shots a comforting presence knowing he was watching my back. I was having the time of my life and definitely understood why Eric had been so happy. He was also clearly having fun as I saw a few of his shots hit in particularly nasty places. I had to knock out a few of Eric’s hits as they were too noisy or simply powered through the pain.

Upon dropping another body I took the person’s gun and stole the cartridge, I did the same from two more before heading back to the ladder. I hadn't heard Eric in a while and figured he must have run out of ammo. I pulled off my plastic clip belt and looped it through the ammunition packs before taking it back up across my body like a quiver and began to climb.

It actually took longer than I thought it would and I was a little worried about the lack of defence but figured they would have to climb up behind me anyway and I could just kick them off.

I made it to the top but before I could climb into the metal booth, strong arms grabbed me, pulling me over the barrier and then shoved me against the side. “Woah! Eric!” I held my hands in a peaceful gesture. Upon seeing it was me Eric released my shirt and I stepped away from the edge.

“Get bored did you?” His question made me laugh because I was far from it.

“No. But thought you might have.” I fired back while unhooking the belt and presenting him with the ammunition. His eyes lit us upon seeing it, causing a delighted feeling in my stomach.

“Fuck yes.” His voice was almost breathless as he took the belt and pulled one off to load into his gun. I watched him as he went to the edge and paused, then locating a target and pulled the trigger. There was something intoxicating about watching Eric in his element, holding a deadly weapon and prepared to use it. I definitely could have stayed for hours but duty called and I needed to get back down.

Turning to climb back over the railing, a hand stopped me and with a warning look, Eric pointed his gun over the edge and shot down towards the ladder. “Shit!” A shadowy figure a few feet up the rungs let out a cry and fell back to earth.

Throwing Eric a thank-you look I jumped over the ledge and practically ran down the steps. I leapt from where the other person had fallen from and landed in a crouch beside him just in time to deliver a swift punch to the head, knocking him out flat. He wasn’t wearing a jacket so I pulled off mine and tied him up securely. The exercise would keep me warm for now.

I took out 3 more initiates, Eric apparently happier than ever with his new ammo and shooting down all the others before I could get to them. It must have been a few hours now and the attacks kept trickling in. The other team's strategy was apparently to attack in a small group but from different directions, once we had taken out that group another would be sent. They did, unfortunately, orchestrate some rescue missions, stealing back and untying some of their teammates, but overall it was like frogs jumping directly into the fire.

“Motherfucker!” The cry came from my lips this time as I experienced my first gunshot, _ crap it hurt. _ I clutched my shoulder digging my nails into it in an effort to distract myself. _ Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. _A pop and a distant cry, Eric had taken down the shooter.

Sucking in a breath through clenched teeth I stood back up. It was fine, _ I’d had worse. _Still the pain was both piercing and throbbing. It definitely didn’t help matters when three more landed in my collarbone. “Oh come on.” I groaned the complaint from the floor, having dropped as the hits landed.

I heard rapid footsteps and saw Four dart past my crouched form. He was running to the ladder with Cassius hot on his heels. I whimpered in pain, ripping out the darts and throwing them away. _ Had worse, I’ve had worse. _I chanted it to myself as I shook myself, physically trying to knock out the waves of pain.

Once I was able to shift both shoulders in a full arch I set my jaw and picked up a fallen gun. Four and Cassius had made it to the bottom of the roller coaster and were beginning to climb. Four was smart and they were climbing up the wrong side of the ladder so the platform Eric was on would block him from being able to shoot them.

Turning in the other direction I let my eyes scan the grounds. Spotting movement I bolted towards it gun in hand. Upon getting closer I saw it was a Dauntless-born boy I didn't know the name of. Once I was near enough to make out his features I spoke up, startling him. “Drop the gun!” He did so instantly and I saw the look on his face after it fell from his grasp he clearly regretted it instantly. _ That was handy. _

I moved forwards keeping my gun pointed right between his eyes. I kept it steady as I crouched down and picked up the discarded weapon. Handing it back to him but with my gun now pressed flush to the back of his neck I instructed him to walk. I could see Eric from the flag’s glow, peering over the edge of his platform obviously seeing Four and Cassius but unable to get a good angle. I led the boy halfway back to the base and decided it was close enough. “Shoot them down.”

“What?!” His tone was fearful and I used it to my advantage, pressing the barrel harder into his head I repeated the instruction.

“Shoot. Them. Down.”

By now Four was several meters above the ground, the fall would hurt but it wouldn’t kill them. Not questioning me again, apparently deciding I was being serious the Dauntless-born raised the scope to his eye and pulled the trigger. It hit Four in the meaty bit of his calf and he lost his grip tipping backwards and knocking Cassius off in the process. They hit the ground hard and were both badly winded.

Eric looked at me in confusion, the look was wiped off when he took in the other kid, a sadistic grin filled his face and I didn’t break eye contact as I pulled the trigger. My hostage slumped and I made my way over to Four and Cassius. 

Giving Eric who was still watching me a blown kiss as if to say my next actions were for him, which they were, everyone knew about Four and Eric’s rivalry, but it was also for me, having been rather pissed off at our instructor lately. I positioned my barrel against his neck and took a sick pleasure in seeing his eyes widen but he was unable to move due to still gasping for breath. I pulled the trigger for the second time. 

I didn’t shoot Cassius but instead hogtied him with his belt. Then I went back to my game, catch, knock out, tie-up. They would then be saved by a rescue team and the whole process started again. Except I was bored with the game and wanted to change it up a little.

Slamming my fist into the face of one unlucky soul, who turned out to be Emma again, poor girl. Her eyes rolled back and I dropped down under her stomach to catch her over my shoulders as she fell. I then walked back to my base and put her down then tied her up. I was now bringing the victim's back, making it so they couldn’t be rescued, as Eric never let them get close enough to the ladder.

I now had two neat rows of bodies lying on their stomachs with their limbs in the air, some were conscious but couldn’t get up and had resorted to yelling. Annoyed with the noise I stormed over to Cassius who was the worst culprit. Bending down so he could see me I whispered with false sweetness into his ear. “Cassius. If you don’t shut the fuck up, I’m going to use you to practice my aim until I run out of ammo.

He fell silent after my threat obviously realising I was not bluffing. It probably helped that I now had a nice collection of guns from my stolen prisoners.

At one point during a lull in the attacks, I had stolen Michael’s belt and threaded through a bunch of ammunition packs and ran up the structure to reload Eric’s stock. With Eric’s supply of darts in full and not needing to worry about running out for the rest of the night I had let him have fun shooting down all the attempts and had resorted to just collecting his kills to add to my rows.

At some point what remained of the attack for Four’s side had grouped together and decided on a change of tactic, finally realising what they had been doing wasn't working. I found out their new move when the sound of Eric’s gun went off in rapid succession and kept going.

I jumped from the bottom of the ladder, having taken residence on it during a few minutes rest, and saw a big shape rushing in my direction, a body fell from the mass but only the one, despite Eric’s continuous finger on the trigger. I was confused about how they were all still moving until they got closer and I saw their jackets were tied together and being held out and up to block them from the bullets. There were around 5 of them and I was willing to bet they were the last ones.

_ Perfect _, I pulled one of the recently acquired guns and calmly took aim. I fired and a body fell, not bothering to aim again as It didn’t matter who I hit I pulled the trigger again and again. It took them a little while to figure out the shots weren't coming from up above and that’s why their shield wasn’t working but by then it was too late and the last one fell with a hit to the kneecap.

I let out a whoop in trumpet and rushed over to make them secure. I heard Eric laugh from above and made sure to give him a salute before hauling our catch to join the others. Once everyone was lined up I stated cheerfully “Now we wait for victory.” A defeated groan came from Four and my smile widened.

We didn’t have to wait for much longer, another half an hour and green flares were sent into the air. We had won.


	9. Moirai Thread

I wore the high of the win for the rest of the week and apparently wasn’t the only one. Cassius was quick to grumble about Eric’s cheerful mood after the leader had apparently dished out training exercises like they were punishments. Even Kali, who had been on Four’s team and taken two shots to the face, whilst defending the flag, was in good spirits, although I think that had more to do with her having shot Talea than anything else.

I'd had random members of the faction come and congratulate me, which was kind of awkward but after consulting with Neil, apparently normal, as the initiates war game was a popular talking point for Dauntless life and often the crux of how the members thought we would fair once we passed initiation. Thankfully everyone seemed to think we were a good year despite our smaller numbers. I’d caught Neil bragging the details of our win to a young couple. Hearing about what had happened from a different perspective than my own was a rather strange experience.

On Sunday I had made my usual trip down to Kev’s cave, as I had started calling it, and was surprised to be greeted with his version of a smile and proud words “I heard little Kore won the war.” His strange way of speaking has grown on me and the praise filled me with warmth.

“You hear right buddy. Kore tore up the battlefield.” I paused “...With a little help from a certain leader.”

“Ah yes-” He agreed “I heard about young Eric. Good team you make.” I gave him a weird look when he referred to Eric as young, sure he _ was _ young, especially for a leader, but Kevin didn't look that old himself.

“Neil told you that did he?” It was a question but we both already knew the answer too, the kid was gossip but especially to Kevin, I doubted he would be able to keep anything from Kevin if he tried, I still didn’t understand their relationship, but that was a road I didn’t want to go down.

Our lessons in knife combat progressed and I had finally moved on to being allowed my own knife. I knew the moves and information Kevin was teaching me was _ sketchy _at best but I wanted to learn how to defend myself not play fight, so it worked for me. During my sessions with Kev, I occasionally heard faint echoes of yelling and it distracted me every now and then until one time Kevin nicked me across the cheek. “Hey!”

He didn’t look the slightest bit regretful. “Pay attention little one, distractions lead to injury and then to death.” He was right of course and I was about to focus on attacking back when I pause, hearing the sounds again.

Unable to stop myself from asking, I inquired, “What is that noise? Is someone fighting?” I didn’t wait for a reply but walked over to the door and stepped through it. I made my way to the entrance room and waited for the noise to go again. It did this time fainter but still present. My eyes locked onto the door the sound travelled from and I moved to touch the handle.

An arm shot out and grabbed mine, I looked up and saw Kevin’s stern face. “No little Kore, you are not ready yet.”

_ Ready yet. What did he mean ‘not ready yet’. _Deciding to ask I pulled my hand back “What do you mean?” I gestured to the door “Am I not allowed to go in there?”

He shook his head almost like trying to placate a wild animal, “No. You cannot enter there yet.” He didn’t answer my first question but the open-ended ‘yet’ caused me to bite my tongue and agree. 

“Alright. But you have to tell me when I am alright?”

He hummed in agreement and we returned to our practice. From then on I didn't let the sounds distract me but let them fuel me, I now had something to aim for, a price of sorts, Kevin would tell me when I was ready, in the meantime, that's what I would do, become ready.

ooOOooOOoo

Friday came around again and it held a sombre tone that was reminiscent of our second day at Dauntless. Today was cut day where 5 of the initiates would be leaving us. We all made our way straight to the training room not bothering with breakfast. Four and Eric stood at the front in their usual spots and between them was the scoreboard.

I came to a stop next to Delphi and scanned the red section first. Leuke and Michael’s name’s stood out the other three I didn’t recognise, but judging by one of the girls next to me breaking down sobbing, I assumed she was one.

My eyes passed up the board pausing on the 21st, Brad’s score, then moving onto 10 and 11, Kali and Archie respectively, I was at 7th, Delphi was second and Cassius was in first. I knew when Cassius saw it because he let out a yell “Get wrecked Delphi!” Delphi only gave him the finger in response, hi-fiving Brad for his achievement and partially her own success in helping him.

Cassius’s high didn’t last long though before the low atmospheric brought him down and he went quite. Eric took the moment to inform the cut ones to grab their things and go. I watched them leave and recognised one of the Dauntless-born as the one I had made shoot four down from the ladder. It succeeded in making me feel a stab of guilt for them before I shoved it down, we all knew 5 were going to have to leave and they didn’t make the cut, that wasn’t my fault.

I knew I needed to hold onto that attitude because 5 more would be leaving us before it was all over and judging by Cassius and Kali’s distraught looks I would need to help raise their spirits. A look at Delphi showed she wasn’t doing much better, probably as she adopted every person that crossed her path.

Eric dismissed us and I grabbed Delphi’s arm and dragged her over to the other two. With a nod at Brad and Archie to follow, I pulled them to the pit, it was time for drinks.

ooOOooOOoo

The alcohol had been successful in allowing the kinder souls of the group to let go of their emotions relating to the initiates leaving and instead celebrate our own achievements in passing stage one.

“I’m getting a piercing” Archie declared it rather abruptly, so it took a minute for his words to register before everyone was up and egging him on. We all followed Archie to the parlour and on the way Kali decided she wanted to get her Helix pierced. Cassius was unsure and Delphi looked like she was considering it.

I point blank refusing to even step foot inside the piercing place to watch as Archie and Kali go their piercings, Cassius and Brad did go in but Delphi stayed outside with me, I decided to keep an eye on her as she had drunk quite a bit. 

“You know...I might get a tattoo. Persie, will you come with me to get a tattoo?” Ordinarily I would have just let Delphi do whatever she wanted, not really one to reign myself in let alone anyone else, but Delphi hadn't gotten a tattoo the entire time she had lived here and I didn’t think getting one while she was drunk and emotionally compromise was something she’d appreciate in the morning.

“Delphi I don’t think that you should decide that right now. If you still want one tomorrow I’ll come with you” I nearly smacked myself for making the promise knowing fully well I would hate to see someone get a tattoo. Still, I didn’t take it back.

“No Persie! I need to do something now. I need to change…” A tear welled up in Delphi’s eye and I nearly panicked, I didn’t know what to do when people cried!

Frantically scrambling I suggested an alternative “How about a haircut?”

She paused at the suggestion clearly thinking it over. “Okay.” I sighed in relief and allowed the now energetic blond to pull me to my feet. God, I hoped Delphi never drank again, I wasn’t cut out to be the mum friend.

ooOOooOOoo

Two hours later I exited the hair salon with a candy floss haired girl next to me and my own hair donning a single icy streak. Delphi had convinced the salon owner I wanted the change to my hair, and apparently a good friend of Delphi the owner became as persistent as my current ward.

I’d gotten the streak as a compromise I could have it done whilst standing, refusing to let my ass touch one of the high backed chairs. Thankfully the hairdo had lifted Delphi’s mood significantly and when we met back up with the others they gushed over it succeeding in keeping her spirits high. As soon as possible I handed her over to Cassius to deal with and took my leave, bluntly stating I’d reached my people limit for the day. Used to my comings and goings by now, the group only waved me away before returning to their conversation.

I found myself in our old barcodes, now empty of the cockroaches, and I stood before the grotty mirror that went from floor to ceiling. I paused for a moment before stripping off my top and throwing it aside. I stretched out my arms in front of me and examined the scaring.

The thinnest one but most prominent ran from my inner right elbow and wrapped around my shoulder, it was from the knife Theseus had thrown at me weeks ago. I followed the rest with my eyes. Scarred marks stopped and started on both my inner forearms, white tissue poking through. It was from my fall of the chasm and the descent. The rock had torn up my arms and it had only recently healed. I had hidden them under bandages, we all had enough injuries so it wasn’t suspicious but I would need something else moving onto the next stage of training.

I brushed my thumb over one of the different coloured stretches of skin and shivered, the exposed tissue was more sensitive than the other skin. I pulled my hand away and dropped my arms, looking at my body in the mirror. I had other scars, smaller ones unnoticeable if you didn’t know they were there. I did, I saw the tiny cuts on my hips and the pinprick scars the littered my neck, they appeared like blond freckles but I knew better.

I had an idea of what I wanted as a tattoo now, I had for a couple of weeks, and realistically I didn’t have a good reason not to go get one. I knew what was holding me back, the thought of lying down in one of those generic dentist chairs made me feel physically ill and paired with the knowledge needles would be piercing my skin. It was fear stopping me, and I _ hated _it. I hated that the thing stopping me from looking like a member of Dauntless was the reason a person wouldn’t be Dauntless, fear.

The second stage of training was all about fear, we were supposed to face them, whatever that meant. Neil had informed us that most people had around 12 fears, implying we would need to face all our fears. I had written down a list of all the ones I thought I might have to face, but every time I only managed to write down 3.

I suppose I would find out on Monday, then I would really know if I was cut out to be Dauntless.

ooOOooOOoo

It was Monday and we were all sitting outside a single room that we weren't allowed to see inside until we were called in. Both Eric and Four were overseeing the second part of training as Lauren had to go on a patrol in the city and wouldn’t be back for several weeks.

The Dauntless born initiates and the transfers were pretty close now, having slept in the same room and we had all mingled and formed our own groups. Ours was the oldest with Brad as our newest member.

Zane had mellowed out and I even heard him go and apologize to Emma on the quiet once, he still held a sort of rivalry with Archie the two of them often one spot away from each other on the leaderboard, but other than that he had broken away from the other titans a while ago and formed new friendships with a group of Dauntless-born. Jackson, Emma and Lo were friends and Talea had joined them with a few of her buddies. The rest of the initiates were mainly Dauntless born.

“Persie.” I stood at my name and walked past Four into the room. Eric sat looking uninterested behind a chair at a computer and Four made his way to a different screen with a gesture to the chair in the middle of the room, “Sit.” He looked up again after noticing I hadn't moved and was staring at the dentist chair frozen inside the doorway. “Persie is there a problem?” Eric looked up at that, but my gaze had wandered to the metal tray beside the chair which contained a syringe.

“Nope.” I popped the p with all the false cheerfulness in the world, feeling ever so close to just breaking down and crying. This couldn’t be happening, how did they possibly know my fears, was this it? Was this the test, were they going to see if I would be brave enough to subject myself to torture? I found my answer pretty quickly and turned around to leave the room. 

_ Fuck this. _

“Persie.” Eric’s sharp tone caused me to halt with my hand on the door handle, but I didn’t turn back around. _ I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I couldn't- _

My internal mantra was broken by a weight coming to rest on my shoulder, I hadn't even heard him move. I glanced to his face and found surprisingly a touch of gentleness but still the steady resolve that was always present. “I can-n’t” My voice cracked and I turned my face away shamefully.

“Yes you can.” He didn’t hold any sympathy but the tone had an underlying understanding in it.

“No-” I shook my head vehemently “You don’t understand-”

This time I was cut by Four “The process is just like your aptitude test, except we administer the serum through an injection, that’s the only difference.”

I gave a bitter laugh, my aptitude test had been a catastrophe, upon entering the room I had reacted much the same way as now except with a lot more violence. The poor abnegation volunteer had to call for 4 teachers to come hold me down, and none of them had gotten away without a painful reminder of the incident.

I opened my mouth to tell the instructor as much but halted at the burning gaze from Eric. His hand was still on my shoulder and the weight grounded me, reminding me where I was. I remembered the look Eric had given me after Four had been shot off the ladder thanks to my work, and I was filled with a desire to see it on him again.

I wanted to please him, I wanted him to be proud of me. The revelation wasn’t exactly starting but it was something I would have to examine in more depth later on, for now, I threw a last longing glance at the door before striding stiffly to the chair and perching rigidly sideways on the edge.

Eric picked up the syringe and I couldn’t contain the whine that slipped out. He paused “Lie down.”

“Fuck off!” I snapped back, there was no way in hell I would be doing that. Giving an exasperated sigh and apparently running out of patience he unceremoniously swiped my neck and jabbed the needle into it.

My hands turned stark white with the grip I hand on my knees and I knew I would have crescent-shaped marks in my skin later on. It took a few seconds for the serum to circulate my system and during that time Eric didn't move from in front of me, I wondered why until I started to feel the serum take effect and my entire body untensed and the last thing I remembered was Eric catching me as I fell forwards.

ooOOooOOoo

I awoke in a different place, a quick glance around showed it was very dark and I was lying horizontally unable to move my limbs much in any direction. It didn’t take much more to realise I was in a crudely made casket, and if the stale air was any indication, I had been buried into the ground.

There was only a moment in between that realisation and when I began to panic, I lashed out with all my strength hitting the wooden top causing it to shake and bits of dirt and dust to fall between the slabs of wood. I frantically started hitting all the areas I could let out a scream “Help!, Help! I’m Alive, I’m down here!”

A cough wracked my body as more dust fell. I stopped hitting the walls and my head thumped on the wood. Why had they buried me, had I died during the simulation? Whatever the reason, I wasn’t actually dead but soon would be if I didn’t get out. The thought chilled me to the core, no one would ever know that I had been alive, no one would know… It caused me to go into another attacking spree, but I couldn’t get any weight behind my hits and only succeeded in tiring myself out.

I coughed again and brought the edge of my shirt up to my face to breath. I took a slow deep drag then waited longer than normal before doing another one. I knew realistically I would run out of air, the question was when, if I had been erudite I would have known. Kevin’s words from Yesterday passed through my mind, “You’re not ready yet.”

_ Not ready yet, Not. Ready. _

My head jerked up, that wasn’t right. Eric and Kevin had both said I needed to act, not think. I wanted to be ready, all I needed to do was _ be _ready. Pulling the rest of my shirt up over my head from the bottom, and taking my arms out of the holes I felt above my head for the now bottom of my shirt and tied the opening closed with my sleeves so I had no gaps that could allow dirt to fall on my face. Drawing my knees up to my chest I placed my feet flat on the roof of the box and taking a deep breath in and holding it I used all my strength to send my legs flying upwards.

The wood broke and dirt piled on top of me, I lost my breath and terror clawed at my throat but I didn’t acknowledge it, instead going through the motions of pulling at the dirt to claw my way to the surface. I broke it and breathed in the air ripping my shirt off my head and pulling myself the rest of the way out of the dirt. I had done it, I was alive.

A sudden lurch sent my vision swimming and to my confusion, the scenery blurred until I was blinking up at a stone ceiling. It took only a moment for me to realise I was lying down before I bolted up and promptly launched myself into the furthest corner of the room, swearing loudly.

“Aw shit! That was awful! That was the worst thing I’ve ever done! And that’s saying a lot.” I was about to yell at Eric who had chuckled at my distress but all that came out was defeated “Is it always like that?”

Four who was wearing a sympathetic look answered me “Yes, the simulation is always like that, however, the third stage you will be facing all of your fears, but you will be aware that you are in a sim that time.”

Eric pushed up from his chair and walked over to open the door adding “And usually the fear starts for the patient, after we give them the serum, not right when they enter the room.” I faltered at the reminder I would have to sit in the fucking chair for the next, however many days. I walked past Eric on shaky legs and headed to the mess hall for some well-earned cake. 

Once there I found the rest of my group, having already done their sims, sitting and discussing the fears they had experienced. I sat silently and accepted the plate from Delphi. They didn’t ask about my sim until I’d finished a slice of cake. Cassius was the one to do it, “So, how’d it go?”

“This is nearly the worst day of my life,” I answered it in a fake cheerful tone. Cassius winced, he knew of my fear of needles and my lack of fondness for chairs.

“Well, at least you got through it.” Bless his optimistic soul.

I was not so sure, “Barley."

Obviously lost Kail questioned us “Why what was so bad about your fear?”

I didn't bother to try and avoid the question and decided to just tell them “It wasn’t so much the fear, I mean being buried alive sucked, but I definitely hate needles more.” I didn’t mention the chair as that would only raise more questions, as it was, Kali’s eyes lit up in understanding and she let out a sound of realisation.

“That’s why you didn't want to watch us get pierced.” I nodded, stealing another bit of Delphi’s cake.

“Yea, I wonder if my next fear will be just going through the whole process again.”

“I doubt it.” The voice from behind caused me to drop the cake and Archie to fling his fork across the table, apparently, I wasn’t the only one currently on edge. I glared at Neil who had spoken up. He elaborated “Well you seem to be quite terrified of needles and most people have around 12 fears so it will probably show up later on during your training.”

“Wait why?” Cassius quizzed his brother.

“Because it goes from your least feared fear to the one you fear most.” 

I paused at that if suffocating was one of my least ‘bad’ fears I was going to _hate _the others. I let my head drop on to the table and my voice fell into a whine “I don’t want to do it again.” Delphi gave my head a sympathetic pat but no one said anything else, all things along similar lines. _ I wanted to go back to stage one_.


	10. Chariot of Phobos

The sim training didn’t follow the same schedule as stage one had, we entered the sim every alternate day, regardless of weekends. In a way I preferred it, the daybreak in between sounded wonderful, especially after having just finished my first go.

To get our minds off tomorrow we had decided to do something fun as a group. That fun activity turned out to be rock climbing. The pit appropriately named, was a lowered space within the rock and as such had plenty of rock faces that Dauntless were always climbing on dares or just for fun.

Despite being a faction based around the belief of freedom from fear, we were not stupid, and as such, most the climbing was usually done with equipment. Due to this, I was now decked out in ropes and pulleys feeling less and less like this was a good idea. Delphi, obviously sensing my apprehension with her weird caring senses, pulled me aside. “You know I left my jacket in the barricades and it’s kind of cold.”

It was sweet of her, I knew she was giving me an out without making me have to admit I was feeling nervous, still, I wasn’t scared, just a little unsure. Shrugging off my own jacket I placed it over her shoulders and gave her a silent pat in thanks, before heading back to clip on the last of my ropes.

Kali and I were actually the only ones climbing, the others having what amounted to a picnic with Archie happily narrating our progress underneath us. “Kali grabs the wrong bit of rock and immediately draws back, blood staining her now injured palm, tough luck Kali.” I looked over to her at Archie’s words, checking to see if she was alright, we were attached together for safety, so if she fell I would have to get a grip and quickly.

Thankfully she was fine and after a nod from her, we continued. It was therapeutic, climbing. I’d always loved it, having taken to worming my way up and down the exterior of buildings in the city when I was still in Candor.

The actual rock climbing was different though, the rocks had more of a connection with me, through them I could touch every groove and find the smallest of notches to cling to. The rock face we were climbing was one of the easier parts, having decided to start small. and as such. there was only one part where we had to climb upside down and upwards.

Putting one hand in front of the other, I could feel the events of Mondy washing away, the sound of mine and Kali’s pants paired with occasional grunts and the distant sound of life from the pit, it was freeing and I felt a weight lift from my chest. A jolt on my body jerked me into action and I clung tightly to the wall, a beat passed.

“Sorry!” Kali’s sheepish voice carried up to me and I relaxed a false alarm. I never looked back down too focused on continuing upwards. It wasn’t until I had reached the ledge that stuck out, I decided to pause and wait for Kali. It wasn’t long, as she wasn’t far below me. She came up on my right side and I threw her a grin. “You wanna go first or should I?”

“Race you?”

I answered her by reaching up and using my arms to pull my knees upward so I was hanging by my arms in a ball from the underside of the ledge. Kali had a slightly different technique, she dug her toes into the part where the flatter rockface met the ledge and used her fingertips to walk herself further out. Her technique was good, but it wouldn’t work for long, she would have to take her feet off the wall eventually, and I was already far ahead.

I had gone for a method of finding a grip with my hands and using my feet on the ledge where I could hook into other ones, I never held for long just by my hands, it wasn’t stable enough. I hung like a spider to the rock and made my way further out.

“Motherfucker!” I let the curse out in surprise as one of my hand holds broke away and the rock fell clattering down the cliff face, onto the ground. I followed the rock as it fell, and the sudden sight of being far higher than I imagined caused my stomach to contract painfully.

“You all good Persie?”

I turned my face back to the rock, and let out a deep breath, “I’m good.” I snuck a glance down again and let out a string of internal curses. I didn’t know why I was reacting the way I was. I was fine, one slip up didn’t mean I should be getting so anxious, besides I loved heights I always had, so why was I feeling so.  _ Afraid.  _ The realisation hit me like a ton of bricks and my stomach flipped again. I was afraid. Why was I afraid? I was fine.

“Persie?” Kali was now next to me and I realised I was still having from the same spot. Deciding I would be fine after I reached the top. I threw her a reassuring smile and continued on my path.

I thought once I started to move again the feeling of serenity and calm would return, but it didn't, instead my heart jumped into my throat every time I heard the rock shift, my lungs sped up, the experience was no longer fun. I didn’t think about racing Kali to the top, I was now racing myself.

We did make it to the top without falling, and then we went back down to the pit to join the others in the picnic. 

Archie commented about my lucky misses and I pretended to be outraged that nature would betray me like that, but my heart wasn’t in it. I laughed and joked with them, happy they were all feeling better from yesterday, but the memory of them so far below me never went far away and the sick feeling remained.

ooOOooOOoo

“You are distracted, Kore.”

It wasn’t a question and it caused me to throw down the knife in frustration. Kevin was right, I knew I had been off my game, not much could affect my focus but the events from earlier today were weighing on my mind and I just couldn’t figure it out. “Sorry. I just-” I let out a frustrated noise and tugged at my hair.

“Talk to me little one, I will listen.” One look at Kevin’s face and I knew he would.

Plopping down on the floor and spreading out so I stared at the stone roof I started to speak. It was easier when I couldn’t see him. “I went rock climbing today. With my friends in the pit, well with one friend, the others didn’t really want to do it. And I  _ was  _ fine-” I stressed the word “-but when I looked down. It was like… It was like I was afraid.-” 

“Perhaps heights is one of your fears, Kore, it is not something to stress about everybody has fears.”

I pulled my head up to look at him then “-But that’s the thing I don’t get afraid of heights Kevin. I have never been afraid of heights before” I pondered my own words “-Maybe… maybe it was the fear simulation training, maybe it’s made me more susceptible to-”

Kevin cut me off “You fell Little Kore, you fell a long way down.”

His words cut me deep as I realised he was right, I had fallen down the chasm, that was probably a reason to become afraid of heights. Then the anger hit _ . How dare Thaddeus make me afraid, how dare he! _

Snapping my jaw shut with determination I pushed myself up so I could fully face my trainer, “How do I fix it?”

He queried a long eyebrow “You wish to stop being afraid?”

“Yes.”

“There is no one in the world who can make us do anything that we do not allow. If you are afraid it is because you let yourself be. Sometimes it is not easy as all to stop letting yourself be afraid, and those fears cannot be changed,”

I was curious “Well how do I  _ not  _ let myself be afraid?”

“If you want to try, you must expose yourself to your fear and learn to calm your mind. It is how they train you in the simulations.” He was right, to pass the sim you had to find a way past your fear or calm down enough for your heart rate to slow.

An idea hit me, “Thanks, Kevin!” Bounding up I bolted for the door, before pausing, “Oh sorry, can I go?” I gestured to the forgotten knife “I’ll do more training on Thursday.”

He chuckled, gesturing dismissively to the door, “It is unlikely you are to be focused enough to improve much more today. Go on.”

I didn’t pay much attention to the walk back to the pit, my feet guiding me after many days of learning the path from Kevin’s. I made it to the pit and wove in between the drunken members, it was late in the evening now and prime time for partying, as posed to the slower drinking during the day. I chuckled to myself at the thought,  _ god the hectic life of Dauntless was so different _ . Even not a full member I still felt like part of the faction.

I got to the rock climbing gear but didn’t stay long, bundling it up and making my way back out. I walked along the railless path, the moon flashing through the natural skylines, I shivered at the familiar scene and clutched the ropes tighter to my chest, my pace quickened slightly. The spot I was looking for came into sight and I dumped the gear at my feet, standing on the edge.

I didn’t look down like last time, and I didn’t move from the edge. Everything in me was screaming to turn around, to not have my back exposed but I stayed there until the feeling went numb. I hadn't seen Thaddeus recently and as such the nerves in my stomach, we're going haywire, still, I waited.

I wasn’t trying to be stupid by tempting fate, rather I wanted to trust my senses and my instincts, that night before I had fallen, I had been training and knew someone was watching me. I had ignored my instincts and ultimately paid the price. I was always going to be afraid if I could never teach myself to trust in those feelings again. And so I waited.

A good few minutes passed before my shoulders dropped and the tension in my arms released. When it happened I bent down and hooked up all the gear to myself. I didn't plan to climb down the chasm. It was too slippery, no one knew where I was and I didn’t have anything to attach the other part of the gear to. But I did put it on, the purpose was so I could bring back the feeling of apprehension that had happened when I did the same thing earlier today.

Sure enough, the nerves returned. And I waited.

I was sure the tests weren’t perfect and to be honest I wasn’t even sure if they would work, but every time I felt my shoulders drop and I increased the fear by moving forward or doing a jump, I tensed and then waited until I relaxed again. It certainly felt like I was helping myself, and I figured if I did it a few more times, I would desensitize myself to the memory of the situation. Because that’s what it was, I was afraid of a memory, nothing more.

That night I drew up a list. A list of goals to achieve, so far it only had three things on it…

_ -Knife Combat Training With Kev _

_ -Chasm Fear Conditioning _

_ -Tattoo _

I’d asked Kali if she would go climbing with me again and she happily agreed. I loved climbing and I’ll be damned if I let Thaddeus take that from me.

ooOOooOOoo

As usual, I was the last to be called into the room but it didn’t bother me if anything I was thankful no one was waiting on me. I walked in this time I’d had the chance to mentally prepare myself and I walked blank-faced to the chair, perching on the edge.

Eric came over and raised a single eyebrow in question. I narrowed mine in response, I knew my fear was irrational, didn’t make me any more inclined to lie back. He accepted it and cupped my jaw with one hand and tilted my head for the antiseptic wipe. His eyes stayed watching what he was doing and mine were focused on the wall. I’d tried to think what my next fear might be but it was difficult. All the ones I knew were things I was terrified of, I hadn’t realised I’d had a fear of being buried alive, so I figured it would be a fun surprise.

Eric reached back, still gripping my gaw, which I became thankful for when my immediate reaction to catching sight of the needle was to flinch. He’d clearly predicted that and undeterred plunged it into my neck, once again he waited until the serum took effect, catching me as I fell.

I gasped as my vision allowed me to see where I was and immediately I regretted it. I was clinging to the edge of the railing of a very tall building. I looked below and showed the streets far below.  _ Not good. Not good. _ I scrambled desperately with my feet trying to find some part of the smooth concrete to help take the strain from my arms.

Unfortunately, the twisting of my hips caused my fingers to shift and I froze. Okay. I took a moment trysting my grip to hold me a moment longer and I just breathed. My heart rate slowed and I knew I was ready to think clearly. I prepared to engage my arm muscles and attempt a pull up when my vision blurred.

The same nauseating feeling returned when I saw the stone ceiling and I once again scrambled to have my back in the corner of the room, “Oh man. I do not like that at all.”

Eric chuckled, “Most the initiates tend to give themselves a moment to adjust before moving.”

I gave a fake laugh “Good for them.” Another thought occurred to me “Hey, I didn’t actually succeed in getting out of that situation.”

Four nodded “Yes, but you calmed your heart rate.”

Eric took a step close to me, “The test is about controlling your fears, not about how many they are or getting out of the situation if you can calm yourself enough to continue in a real situation, that’s what we look for.” Good to know. He reached out a hand to pull me from my crouched position and guided me to the door with a hand on my back. He didn’t say anything else pulling open the door but gave a nod as I walked off.  _ Strange.  _ It did cross my mind that the instructors seem to be overall nicer after the first stage, I figured because they needed to scare us in preparation during physical, but now we were working every day to overcome our fears they were being the safety net Dauntless would be once we became full members.

I didn’t go down to the mess hall to find my friends, I often wondered and did my own things I knew they wouldn’t be worried about. Instead, already on edge, I decided to get my tattoos. I walked the path to the parlour and stood outside the door, taking an unnecessary breast I stepped through the arch.  The actual atmosphere of the place was very Dauntless and I loved it. Neon coloured lights came from different locations and several tablets lay on short rock columns. I approached one and swiped through it, it gave several options and they all looked pretty cool but I knew what I wanted, it was a little more personal.

A deep chuckle behind me hands me whirling around to face a very familiar leader. “I hadn't thought to find you here,  _ Persie _ .” He said my name in such a way I almost forgot he was talking to me.

“Huh, oh yeah. Well, I want a tattoo, and I’m not about to let some stupid fear stop me.” I ended it in a nervous laugh. His presence was always intimidating but alone with him so close, it was significantly more so.

He leaned closer following my half step back to breathe a growl in my ear. “Good girl.” My heart skipped a beat.

He pulled back with only a slight smirk on his lips and stepped past me to walk through one of the doors, it closed shut after him and I glared down at my knees which were suddenly feeling very unsupportive.  _ Oh, that is so something I’m going to have to think about later. _ For now, I walked up to the stone slab that served as a desk and pushed the buzzer, a blue-haired man appeared moments later. “Hello love, how can I help?”

“I’d like to get two tattoos please.” 

He smiled gesturing to a door behind him. “Alrighty, right through here. I’m Harry by the way”

“Persie,” I responded absentmindedly after following him in and taking and seeing the horizontal seat.  _ I was fiiiine. _ My mind helpfully played Eric’s passing words, ‘ _ Good girl _ .’ Yeah. Okay, I could totally do this. Pulling on the emotions I knew I would feel after getting the tattoo, I let the smile grace my face and I perched on the chair. 

Harry rummaged around and pulled up a sketch pad and seat, before addressing me again. “First where would you like that, and secondly what would you like?”

“Ah, the first one’s pretty simple, just three lines wrapping around my left arm, just below the elbow-” He noted it down and looked to me to continue, “-And the second ones a little complicated…”

“He smiled, don’t worry I’ll sketch it before putting it on your body.”

I laughed, relaxing a little more, a skeleton on my right shoulder holding another skeleton as though dangling into the crook of my elbow.”

“Interesting, do you want the skeleton to have any facial characteristics, did you base it on anyone?”

I pursed my lips, “My father.”

He hesitated before deciding to just ask, “Is he dead?”

“To me.” was all our responded with.

He raised an eyebrow, “You sure you want him on your body then hun?”

I nodded. I was definitely sure. Of all the fears I had tried to write down on my list, there was always one that I knew for certain, one I knew would stay with me forever. The second stage of initiation had really tested my resolve and it had only been three days, that had been the thought process that brought me to the parlour today. I was afraid of things, everyone was, they were a part of me, my father, the skull in the moon cave, which I knew would make an appearance in my fears eventually, needles and now heights. 

While I knew I could overcome some, it was a monument to my journey and I wanted all of them, no matter how temporary, to become a permanent fixture on me. I would illustrate my journey through life and through Dauntless, it was important for me to remember my fears were a part of me but they did not and never would define me. “I’m very sure.”

“Alright give me a few minutes to sketch-”

I interrupted him “-Um first you might want to see my arms, I have a few scars.” He nodded at me and I shrugged off my shirt and peeled back the bandages, still not having found an alternative. He gave a low whistle at the sight of my mutilated flesh and I grinned, “Nasty right?”

He nodded gently grabbing my right arm to turn it over, “I can work the bottom of the skeleton that’s hanging into the top of the scars if you’d like?”

“Yes please, but I’m not trying to mask them, just integrate them into the picture.” They were as much a part of my journey as the ink would be. He pulled back and began to sketch, handing me a tablet to find a picture of the three lines I wanted on the other arm.

Once he was finished I showed him my picture and he held up a beautiful drawing, I loved it, he’d made the skeletons in a very sketchy-style of drawing with purposeful lines coming off, it would look good merging into the cared flesh of my arms. “Awesome.”

He put it aside and brought over a tray containing a few pointed objects that I decided not to look at. Thankfully I didn’t have to lie completely down, I sat rigidly on the seat but made sure I shuffled all the way back. That was fine, I was good. Harry had given my uncomfortable looking position a raised eyebrow but didn’t comment.

I very much wanted to close my eyes as he brought the needle close to my skin but instead, I just averted them, something about the young leader being in the parlour had made that feeling of wanting to impress ever-present, even when he wasn’t. _How a_ _ nnoying. _

The pain of the tattoo was a welcome distraction from the growing feeling of being sick, and I was able to make it through a few hours of the buzzing, eventually, someone where along the way my shoulders had dropped and I’d slumped back in the chair, I was incredibly tense when I felt the back of the seat but after nothing else changed I felt my breath even out.

By the time Harry had moved on to ink my other arm, I was feeling a rush hit my brain, endorphins running wild. I had planned to make a stop at one of the clothing shops to pick up something to cover my arms, and then I would go crash dinner, seeing as it was likely around that time by now.

“All done.” Not wasting a second I jumped off the chair and gave Harry a grin, dashing over to the mirror to examine my arms. They were awesome, the right arm definitely looked cooler but my left had significant meaning also, each line represented three defining people in my life, first my father, then Eric, then Thaddeus. I was extremely grateful for all three of them, as they had all, whether they knew it or not, been motivation for me to make it in Dauntless. My father had started my journey, Eric, that day on the roof had dared me to continue it and Thadeuus had forced me to own it. I smirked at my reflection, I’d managed to deal with one of my fears to get the moments tattooed into my skin, I wasn’t just going to pass, initiation, I was going to _win_ it.

After transferring over the points and thanking Harry profusely, I left to head to my next destination. The shop I entered had many articles of clothing but I had a specific thing in mind. I found a pair of leather fingerless gloves only connection between the thumb, making them look remarkably like detached sleeves, they were long and stopped just under my armpits, allowing my shoulders to be visible with the black vest-like top I wore. Perfect.

I pulled them on quickly and examined myself in the mirror. You could see the top part of my tattoo on the right arm, the skeleton representing my father gripping the hands of another which disappeared beneath the material. It looked cool and served to hide the scars from view, I wasn’t ready yet to show them, It more having to do with my own shame that came with them than anything else now. Despite seeing the marks as a part of my journey, they were still a hitch in the road, I hadn’t defended myself well enough and they were evidence of it. So, for now, I kept them covered.

I bought the gloves and headed to the mess hall, seeing a spot open beside Archie and Brad and slipped into it, bringing a halt to the conversation as they all noticed the new black lines on my skin. I broke the silence with a wink to Cassius, “Sorry darling but be prepared to accept second place, I’m winning this fucking thing now.” I couldn’t help the Cheshire grin that stretched my face, I truly felt on top of the world.

Cassius let out a bark-like laugh, his own delight at my achievement shining through, “Well Persie, as much as I hate to break it to you, you’re gonna have to get over a few more fears to beat me.” Kali jumped the table nearly hitting Brad in the face so she could examine it closer and I let out the laugh at his offended expression. I hadn’t actually seen the scoreboard since the cut but I knew I’d look at it tomorrow, for now, I just focused on enjoying the playful banter. Tomorrow I would commit to the words I was arrogantly claiming.


	11. Deimos

The morning after my tattoo success was a ‘rest’ day, a recovery from our sim training. I decided to use it to practice my shooting, despite the physical part of our initiation being over I wanted to improve all of my weaknesses, I needed to prove to myself as well as everyone else that I was the best in Dauntless. Which was my intention, I wasn’t a hundred per cent sure where the decision had come from but I now had an overarching goal for my other smaller ones and it had made me more determined than ever.

I knew the roof wasn’t the only training area for shooting but I liked the space and it was likely deserted due to everyone else having moved on. So I made my way up the stairs and out onto the open roof. As I had suspected I was completely alone. Grinning I opened the gun closet and began to go through the therapeutic process of setting up the guns.

Once I’d made sure they were all clean and loaded, then selecting one off the table I rolled my shoulders back, relaxing my body and stalked over to a target. From the minute I began to move to the target I had made the conscious decision to summon my inner Eric, I pictured him moving towards his target and lining up the shot and made sure to even mimic his scowl. Eric was by far the best shot I’d seen yet at Dauntless and I wondered if maybe it wasn’t just about pulling the trigger and aiming, thus my impersonation of the intimidating leader. 

I kept my arms in position, not locked or tense but I made sure to be aware of them, they were my arms and a part of my body. If I could learn to be more in touch with my own movements then I could feel and respond to the gun better.

I looked at where I wanted to shoot and pulled the trigger. Stupidly forgetting about the kickback it slammed into my shoulder on the rebound. Hissing I managed to flick on the safety before clutching at the forming bruise, “Ow, Fuck. Okay, don’t do that again. Stupid.” I tended to be very blunt with myself when I was alone, I’d have probably been mad if someone else said to me what I did, but I brushed it off quickly and readjusted my grip on the gun. Again, it had been too long since I’d practised, before War Games that’s for sure.

Lining up the shot I pulled the trigger and this time managed to see where it landed, skimmed the shoulder, not bad. Repositioning I fired again, and again. I began to flick on and off the safety, pointing the gun down in between shots as though I’d just picked it up and when I aimed was taking out another target. I stayed at the same station for a good few hours until my target was riddled with holes. A glance at the sky showed midday, which I figured meant time for a change.

Swapping out my hole-riddled target, I set up the replacement and made sure the cartridge in my gun was full, shoving another into my pocket to practice a quick change, my mind bringing up the way Eric had effortlessly clicked out his empty one and set in the next. I started at the table and swing the gun into position. I stalked forward, flicking the safety off and rounding on the first target.

I took a moment to aim before firing, lowering the gun, flicking the safety on, seeing where it landed then pulling the gun up and moving to the next target. My up-down practice was slightly different from the ones Eric had made me run all those weeks ago, I didn’t walk in a straight line, figuring it would be easier to get shot if I did, and I wanted to make my practice more realistic. Unfortunately the targets were all still in a line so I still had a blindspot I wasn’t covering, unfortunately for me, it was exactly where the door to the roof was and for a second time Eric caught me unaware, but this time he wasn’t alone.

I didn’t know how long they had been standing there before he spoke, “That’s quite the improvement Initiate.” Recognising his voice I flicked on the safety before quickly spinning to see him and the group behind, my breath was laboured having been at it for several hours now.

“Well, it better be It’s been more than 5 weeks after all.” I cheekily threw his words from before back at him, he smirked and took a step forward.

“Squad.” He addressed the group behind him, “Grab a gun and a station.” I took that as my cue to leave and while they moved to grab the guns I’d taken the time to clean and layout on the table, I went to put mine back in the ‘closet’. A tattooed arm stopped me and Eric’s voice dropped in volume to address me, “Where are you going Initiate?”

“Ah-” I gestured to the door, “I thought the roof would be empty because of… stage two…” I trailed off as his smirk never left his face.

Instead of responding, he spun me by the shoulders pressed a hand on my lower back to guide me forward to the nearest target. “Watch. Learn.” Was all he said before stepping back and calling all attention to him once more. “Johnson.” A blond man stepped forward at his name and, seeming to know what Eric wanted, stepping up with a handgun he pointed it at the leader before my eyes could widen. Eric had pulled the arm with the gun forward and had Johnson in a submission hold, next came Eric’s gravelly voice explaining the action.

“In the field when someone’s gun is near your face, grab the hand then the arm, keeping it straight and using your body weight near the shoulder joint push down.” He released Johnson and then went through it again before telling them to partner up.

A man with a short spiky mohawk turned to me and before I could protest had his own gun pointed at my face, I reacted before I realised it and felt a flash of pride zip through me, that was what Eric and Kev had been telling me to do, react. I let out a laugh and let the guy up he grinned in response. I pulled my gun to eye level, ensuring the safety was still on and found myself in the same arm wrenching position.

The rest of the afternoon continued like that, Eric demonstrating a technique and explaining why you might find yourself in that situation and then getting us to practice while he stalked around the room critiquing everyone. For some reason I had assumed that after initiation all training just sort of ceased, but I now knew that wasn’t true and I felt a little silly for thinking it. Observing Eric I realised that this was probably a main part of his job, while Four was an instructor to the initiates, Eric was a leader and trained everyone that needed to actually survive on the streets, not just to pass through initiation.

It was actually fun overall but mostly interesting. I was partnered with many different people, Eric claiming it was important not to rely on one type of opponent as you never would be able to predict until the situation called for it. Which was true. I learn a few of their names and gave my own in response, it was actually a relaxing atmosphere, even Eric had a touch of interest in what he was seeing, as though he actually cared about these people’s progress, I'd only ever seen him look interested one time during our physical training and that was after I’d landed Thaddeus in the hospital.

By the time the sun was setting, I was thoroughly exhausted but brimming with new knowledge and therefore excitement, I was no erudite but the confidence that came with the skills I had acquired today definitely took a weight from my shoulders, it had been close combat learning while the other opponent was holding a gun, eerily similar to when they had a knife, but actually harder to defend in most cases as they could still pull the trigger with their arm behind their back, you had to be constantly aware of where the gun was pointing.

Eric called time and stood in front of the worn out group, “Alright we’ll be up here for the rest of the week, you’re dismissed.” He stalked out before the rest of the group and everyone went to return their gear before following him. I walked with them through the halls before turning to head down one which would lead me to the chasm and a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I turned my head, it was mohawk guy Mackie if I remembered correctly.

“Hey Persie, congrats on the win with Eric in war games, looking forward to seeing which path you choose.” Another girl gave a sound of agreement before pulling him along. I gave a slightly stunned nod in thanks, watching them walk away.  _ Looking forward to seeing which path you choose. _ He’d said it like it was definite I would pass. I pressed my back to the stonewall feeling the cold seep into my skin and I let out a loud laugh.  _ Man, I loved it here. _

I was very exhausted and I had practice tomorrow so really I should have walked straight to the barricades to get some sleep but my feet lead me somewhere else and I found myself in a very familiar spot, once again looking over into rushing waters hundreds of feet below. I breathed an easy breath and let the cold seem into me from the air that pilled through the gaps in the rock ceiling, no moon was out toning but the stars peeked through. I tilted my head back and nearly laughed again at how easy it was to breathe, I wasn’t under any illusion I’d conquered my fear of this spot, but for tonight I felt free from it.

ooOOooOOoo

My good mood hadn’t left me in the morning and I swung my legs on the bench waiting for Four to call me in to the little room of hellish nightmares. 

“Persie.”

I stood up with a slight skip in my step and without prompting sat in the dentist-like chair and leaned back. Eric and Four seemed to freeze which only caused my grin to widen, unable to hide my own pride at my achievement I wiggled my eyebrows at Eric, “Look!”

He gave a deep chuckle, coming over with the syringe in hand, “I see getting that tattoo conquered your fear.”

“Well-” I drew out wincing as he brought the needle close to my neck, “I wouldn’t say  _ conquered _ .” I unconsciously tilted my head away before finding his hang cupping the other side of my neck keeping me from moving any further, he pressed the metal in and I sucked a painful breath through my teeth.  _ It’s just Eric. It’s just Eric _ .

My eyes adjusted slowly and I found myself lying on rocky ground. Pushing myself to my feet I swept my gaze but was unable to distinguish much. I stepped forward and heard a sickening crunch underfoot. Gingerly lifting my foot I closed my eyes in a semblance of praying.  _ Please don’t be bones, please don’t be b- _ A strange blue light began to grow and grow behind my closed eyelids and before I could stop myself my eyes opened to see hundreds of stark white skulls making up the ground beneath my feet, lifeless eye sockets fixed on my own. “Oh! Come on!”

I took a panicked step back and heard the same sound. Slamming my eyes shut I let out a frustrated scream. I was genuinely frightened of the sight before me and closing my eyes did little to help, but a bigger part of me was more annoyed,  _ What the fuck was I doing here? _ Wherever here was. I opened my eyes again and sucked in a breath before pushing it out and charging forwards, I had to get out, wherever here was it was clearly not safe.

I winced at the cracking of the skulls beneath my feet and it was actually difficult terrain to navigate with their smooth delicate heads being the only place to land my feet, still, I moved on, keeping my eyes open I crossed more and more land, the skulls seemed to go one forever but I knew they had to stop somewhere. Pretty quickly the actual scary sight of the bonnes under the moonlight, in the cold darkness of the night lost its effect, I focused more on keeping my balance and moving forward to actually taking notice of their dead gaze. They were skulls, I didn’t give a fuck what they thought anyway. My balance was lost as vertigo hit and I fell into darkness.

I came to blinking slowly at the rock above me. I didn’t immediately jump from the chair, despite the fear of panic that seized me, I did hunch forward and stay perched on the edge gripping my knees tight, but otherwise, I remained on it.

“Impressive.” The comment came from Four causing me to look up at him, at first I thought he was referring to my still occupied seat but he continued “2 minutes. That’s pretty quick.”

“What?” I was a little thrown but my mind did a reboot and I realised he was talking about the sim “Oh, yeah, I wasn’t actually very afraid that time, just skulls, creepy as shit but probs only cause I found one after-” I cut myself off abruptly and clamped my mouth shut. _ Goddamn, my Candor childhood. _

“You found a skull?” Eric said sharply.

I hurried to reassure them, “Yes but Kevin said it was the river… from people who jumped. So it’s fine nothing to worry about.”

Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to placate either of them, Eric's frown deepened, “You know Kevin?”

“Ah yes?” I couldn’t help my confusion, there were probably loads of Kevins, I knew one of them.

Four clarified, “From the trench?”

Well that was entirely undescriptive. I jumped off the chair having had enough of it, “Well I’m not sure what you mean by trench, but if you’re referring to the fact his house is miles underground then, yep, that Kevin. Tall, kinda creepy, actually a sweetheart, takes weird old money as payment…”

“How do you know that?” Eric’s voice was sharp and hard.

“Um-” I searched desperately for something to say that wouldn’t get Kevin or Neil in trouble, “-Because?” Welp, I had nothing, instead, I bolted to the door, wrenched it open and disappeared through it as quickly as I could, ignoring the calls after me. I was definitely going to have to ask Kevin about that, they didn’t seem too happy that I knew him, I wonder why.

Unfortunately, my route to Kevin as I was intent on bothering him with some questions was interrupted by a familiar towering figure and another Dauntless-born. Thaddeus and the other stood blocking my way through the hall and I stood opposite them, neither of us moved until I let out an annoyed sigh, “You gonna stand there all day?”

Thaddeus's face broke into a smirk which sent an uncomfortable feeling through me.  _ Trust yourself. _ He stepped forward but before he could move again I turned on my heels and walked quickly back the way I’d come. “Running away Persie?” His call followed me but I ignored it, I wasn’t afraid of fighting him and I knew whatever happened neither of us would talk, but I wasn’t too keen on doing it with another person involved, I didn’t know how to defend myself against more than one person, and that definitely needed to change.

Instead of heading to Kevin, I found myself back at the room of nightmares, catching Eric just as he seemed to be finished packing up. As soon as he saw me he straightened and crossed his arms giving me a glare that almost made me want to hang my head. “Planning on explaining how you know Kevin?”

“Planning on telling me why it matters?” I snarked back.

He took a few steps closer in silence and I watched him approach warily. “Because-” He hissed the words “I said it does.” His hand reached up and grabbed my jaw tilting it back, reminiscent of before he injects me with the serum, my eyes fluttered shut against my will and I stuttered out a reply.

“Cockroaches- he um…” It was difficult to think when Eric was so close. He gave humm in response apparently satisfied, waiting a beat longer before he swiped his thumb over my check then he pulled back, still standing rather close, I pulled my eyes open and tried not to flush in embarrassment his eyes swept up my face following the red and I knew I was unsuccessful.

Clearing my throat I asked him what I had come to ask, “Do you know anyone who can teach me to fight?” He raised an eyebrow and I cursed myself for sounding stupid, “-I mean more that one person at... once.”

“Four is your trainer.” His response was clipped.

I couldn’t help the clench in my jaw and my eyes sliding to glare at the wall, “We’re on stage two, I don’t think he’ll help.”

“That is his job, so long as it is during training hours. Find him in security.” With those parting words he stepped past me and left.  _ Fuck. _ So now I had to ask Four for help in regards to training not required because that idea went _so_ well last time. I tried to not be so pessimistic, Eric had said Four was supposed to help me, besides I was basically asking him to do what I'd been taught already but just with another attacker.

ooOOooOOoo

“No.” He had turned his back to me after looking to see who I was, which pissed me off at first, but now I was just trying desperately not to make a scene inside the security room with my instructor.

“May I ask why?” I managed to grit out some resemblance of respect.

“Lauren is still on patrol in the city, and I won't ask anyone else to give up their time to train an initiate-” He turned back to look at me “-We’ve finished stage one, focus on stage two otherwise you won't need to know how to fight at all.”

I snapped my jaw shut not trusting myself to speak and simply turned on my heels leaving the room and ditching dinner to sulk in the barricades.  _ I knew he’d say that. _ I had fucking known it. The main frustrating thing was I couldn’t just ask my friends to help because they were as clueless as myself in fighting multiple and it would only result in us having to fight for real with no critical feedback, we'd all land in the hospital.

I sat with my back to the wall sideways on my bed and I silently watched as all the initiates trickled in. I recognised one of the Dauntless-born girls as Thaddeus’s buddy and sure enough, he trailed in after her, sending me a smirk. I decided to focus on analysing her, I knew they would attack me sooner or later, whether physically or simply trying to shatter my confidence with words, which I doubted considering Thaddeuses last revenge attempt had been murder.

She was built, only just shorter than Thaddeus, tall for a girl and she had defined muscles already, but that was the case for a lot of the Dauntless-born, her hair was a purple so dark it almost looked black, it was longer than my own. I took note of that, it would be a good way to play dirty. I’d seen her around before and she always wore it down. I reached up to my own hair and began to braid it into two separate plats, better safe than sorry.  There wasn’t much else to go on besides she was physically much bigger than myself, remembering advice from our fights I knew I’d have to make my hits count and try to use my ability over them. Kali pooped herself next to me and Delphi sat on the other side, holding out a napkin filled with food. I smiled “Thanks Delphi.”

Kali followed my gaze to Thaddeus, “He bothered you again?”

“Not yet.”

She frowned but ultimately there was little we could do, I couldn’t very well go complain to Four that I was feeling threatened, and I didn’t even entertain the idea with Eric, the thought of appearing weak caused my stomach to turn far more than Thaddeuses stupid smirk had.  I knew logically Thaddeus wouldn’t attack me while I slept, not with all the other beds occupied around me, even if he simply slit my throat, there was sure to be an investigation and we had cameras in the barricades. No, the little display with his friend today showed his intention, because there were no cameras in the lower hallways of Dauntless, and due to my silence after his murder attempt, he now knew I wouldn’t tell.

It was my pride holding my tongue I didn’t know enough about Dauntlessness justice system, for all I knew Dauntless didn’t care about initiates killing each other, maybe it wasn’t a big deal to anyone. Annoyed at that train of thought, I decided I would ask Kevin to give me a few tips on fighting multiple people, hopefully, he had some, it would be difficult to practice with only him, but I could ask my friends to demonstrate later on. Deciding that’s what I was going to do I kicked my friends to their own beds and went to sleep.


	12. Weight of Altas

I panted darting around Kevin’s arm and holding my knife against his neck, not letting the win distract me I quickly brought my other one in between his ribs. “Very good little Kore, very good.” 

I smirked stepping back and swiping the loose hairs away from my face. It had been a week since I’d brought up Eric and Four’s response to my friendship with Kevin and he hadn't seemed bothered, claiming only that my instructors were aware of the dangerous people within the faction. It strongly implied that Kevin believed himself one of these people, and judging by Four and Eric’s reactions they did too. It should have worried me but instead, I was comforted by the knowledge that he was helping me.

Kevin had done his best to fulfil my request for fighting multiple people but he never seemed to leave his tunnels and my friends weren't bothered enough by the obvious gap in our learning to come I had pestered Cassius and Archie into attacking me in the training room and had resulted in some nasty bruising that proved I was entirely unprepared. I tried to consider I hadn't wanted to hurt my friends and thought during a real fight I would have used dirty tactics like going for the eyes, but the truth was simply It was extremely difficult to watch your own back.

A chuckle pulled me from my thoughts, “Little Kore, how has your fear of falling improved?”

A smile stretched across my face, the only sim I’d had since my one dangling from the hub to do with heights, was the one yesterday which was me hanging from one of the metal ridges that crossed the chasm, I knew the fear might look like I was afraid of falling to the instructors viewing it, but I had known that the feet that had stomped on my fingers had been what I was truly afraid of. On one hand, I hated that I was afraid of Thaddeus, but on the other, I had known at that moment that the distance from the ground had not even entered my kind, I wasn’t afraid anymore, it seemed my conditioning had done its job.

I’d exited the sim having done extremely badly, my usual time of under 2 minutes had stretched to 4 twice as long to get a better grip avoiding the shoes stomping down and to calm my heart, but I’d sat up with a smile stretching over my face, I could tell both Four and Eric were confused by my reaction but I wasn’t about to explain, I’d conquered my fear of heights, not I needed to beat Thaddeus.

“Fan-tastically.” I answered Kevin’s question, “I’m not afraid anymore- And!-” I added on excitedly, bounding to grab his hand and pull him along the tunnels, heading for the moon cave, “That’s not the only thing I’m not scared of anymore, look!” I released him as the dark cave into sight and I bolted across the stones towards the pale while object, kneeling down I gingerly held it, not out of fear, but respect, once I had seen the bones as a memory of life rather than an echo of danger, the terror that had previously seized me didn’t return. 

“Very good little one, how many fears do you have now?”

I’d had a few more show up in the week ones I hadn’t known about, drowning, a fear I suspected came from my tumble into the river, being confined in a very small space, which was eerily similar to being buried in the casket. I knew if I was planning on trying to condition myself to those two it would not be fun. Then there were the ones I knew were coming, Being strapped to a chair, restrained and helpless, my father no doubt would make a separate appearance, and needles, although I suspected due to my exposure to them they would be incorporated in my fear with my father.

I counted them allowed, “Falling, and the skulls I’m good with now-” Or at least I could calm my heart rate pretty much as soon as I orientated myself in the sim, “I’ve still got Thaddeus, being buried alive, small tight spaces, chairs, needles, my father.” I looked up at him, “That’s pretty good right?”

Ge nodded “Yes good. Come to me when you think you are ready.” I frowned, he was supposed to tell me when I was ready, I didn’t even know what being ready meant or what I was supposed to be ready for. He saw my expression and elaborated, “There is more to Dauntless than you believe little Kore, I think you will know.”

I wanted to say I was ready now, my curiosity was eating away at me but I didn’t, something in me told me to wait, I decided first I would decipher his last cryptic sentence. _ More to Dauntless. _What did he mean by that? Thanking him for the lesson I followed him back to our training room, secretly hiding a few more coins for him to find, later on, then I made my way to go find Neil, I needed information and he was always a good bet.

ooOOooOOoo

I found him sitting at our lunch table and so I sat and stole some food from Kali’s plate ignoring her solid punch to my shoulder and shoved the fries in my mouth. _ Worth it. _“Hey Neil, Kevin told me to quote “There's more to Dauntless than you believe” Know what he means by that?”

His head popped up at my address and he cocked his head to the side thinking, Cassius and the others stopped their conversing to listen in. “He's probably talking about Dauntless life-”

Cassius interrupted him “-Why wouldn’t Persie know that?”

“Well dear brother, because he doesn't mean the pit or even nightclubs or bars, which I know Persie hasn’t been too-”

“-Hey don’t call me out like that.”

He snorted continuing “He means the deeper parts, the fighting mainly, organised fights in the training rooms you guys probably know about?” He posed it as a question and we nodded, my friend had taken me there after we’d completed one of our sims, we needed stress relief and fighting was something we could do. The training room was the main one Dauntless used, but during certain hours matches would be set up, much the same rules as our fights so it was easy to pick up. I hadn’t been back mainly because I was focused on training rather than getting rid of stress but figured I probably should soon, it had been fun.

“Well, you don’t seriously think that the squads, who go out and deal with the factionless and other factions find a release with all the rules of the training room matches?”

Rules? Kali voiced my confusion, “What do you mean, the matches are pretty brutal, just like our training-”

Neil actually laughed at that, “-If your training was brutal to you then it’s probably best you don't know.” He slipped away after that and I cursed, feeling more confused than ever. Kali grumbled under her breath about the ‘arrogant Lil shit’ and Cassius happily agreed. My mind was far away, thinking over his words, it was no doubt there was some sort of fight club, where the more violent of our faction could release stress but the question for me was, how would I know if I was ready, I too had believed that our matches had been brutal, mine in particular, an image of Eric’s bord expression flew into my head… _ Wasn’t it_?

I planned to go to the mats with Neil’s words, if I couldn’t effortlessly take down my opponent then I still wasn’t ready. But first I made the trip to our barricades and pulled up my pants, the leather holder was sleek and housed my knives easily I loved it and definitely felt better with it on me, walking the halls had been far less nervewracking with it on, but I didn't want to accidentally cut my opponent on the mats so I had to remove it. I shoved my pants down at the waist and did the same, removing the two I kept strapped either side of my thighs, having found a store with Neil's guidance that sold what I was looking for.

I made it to the mats and walked up to a very similar-looking person, Mackie’s face fell into a smile at my approach, “Alright there Persie? Wanting a match?”

I nodded “Yes please.” He turned and wrote my name up on the board beside a girl called Piri. I went to mat six as the board instructed and waiting a few minutes another female face appeared this once I was decidedly less happy about. So the girl Thaddeus had aligned himself with was called Piri, good to know.

Her purple hair was loose as usual and upon seeing me she practically lit up with a snarl. I wasn't sure why she disliked me if it was just Thaddeus whispering in her ear or something else, but I figured the meeting way she stretched was a good indication she was about to express her hatred. _This day just kept getting better._

I wasn't afraid as I stepped up on the mats and reached out to bump her fist, but I was definitely intimidated. he was almost twice my size and all of it muscle, I'd managed Thaddeus sure enough but this chick was also Dauntless-born, so I wasn't holding out for much hope of the match going my way.

As soon as her fist touched my own I swung my other arm into her side, she didn't hesitate either socking me immediately in the mouth. I felt blood dripping inside and also on the mat but after stumbling back at the blow I quickly brought my arms up and defended her next hit, she stormed forward when I stumbled back, keeping close and ruthlessly striking again.

I blocked her hit and threw an uppercut to her jaw, dazzling her enough to send three rapid hits to her spleen. I knew from experience that it was a painful place to get hit. Unfortunately, the pain only seemed to focus her and she swept my feet from under me. I crashed to the ground and she was on me in seconds I bucked her up and twisted so she was thrown to her side.

Distantly I was aware of the crowd we had drawn, apparently being an interesting fight, which I knew was rare for initiates, most people drew to the more violent matches of the older members. I showed myself to my feet and landed a swinging kick to her stomach before she rolled to her knees and hit me in the stomach causing me to double over and her to land a knee to my face. I cried out as my nose definitely broke. Motherfucker! I fell to the floor and felt her once again straddle me to throw a fist at my face, I didn't react fast enough and darkness enveloped me.

I woke tangled in white sheets with Nora glaring down at me. My eyes were heavy and definitely swollen. I groaned and slumped back against the pillow, "You know Nora, I don't think she liked me very much." An exasperated sigh came from the nurse and she began smothering cream over my face. Truthfully I had never been one to hold back in a fight but I also recognised the look of hatred that had shone in her eyes, it had been the look I'd given Thaddeus in our match. I definitely wish I knew what I did to her, cause it was probably going to become a problem in the future.

"What time is it?" 

"8:40 PM."

I felt confusion hit me, 8:40, that couldn't be right the matches had started at 9:00... No. No. I sat up suddenly and Nora snapped. "Sit back!"

"I missed training! Sim training!"

Her eyes softened slightly, "Yes dear, I'm sure the score wouldn't have changed too much." No. no, no, no, no. I tried to jump out of the bed but his face turned deadly, "No. You don't have training again until after tomorrow, you will stay here and heal until then-"

"-I have to go see-"

"No, and If I think you are going to sneak out I will tie you to this bed." I froze at her threat and felt fear grip me before I shoved it away with a look of indifference. Conceding I simply shut my eyes and ignored her. She huffed and continued with her work. I felt a little like crying and hated myself for it, but I let myself sulk for a night. By the time the next sim came around, I would get my score up again, Nora was right, it couldn't have dropped too far and I had been sitting pretty in third place last I checked. I'd be alright.

ooOOooOOoo

It was not alright. I was now 10th. 10th place. I had dropped 7 places because of my stupid decision to fight. I beat myself up about it for a good few hours after finishing the sim I had been released for. Eric had said nothing to my face, most likely having been informed I was in the hospital and Four had been called out for some security thing. 

I had left to see the scoreboard immediately after and nearly cried but reined it in, instead, I verbally beat myself up until Cassius came to stand beside me. "Maybe lay off the fights for a while." I gave a bitter laugh and my lower lip trembled, still staring stoically at the bord. Caissus's arms wrapped around me and she turned me into his chest. I clung to him and breathed. "Come on Pers, you're alright, one loss doesn't mean you suck and you're still far above the cut line, you don't need to worry."

He comforted me in his own way and right now I needed it, he didn't require a response. I just clutched him closer. At that moment I didn't feel so strong, I felt weak and my goal of first place felt far away and stupid to even attempt. I felt like just giving up.

The feeling had me going for a run after lunch which Brad insisted on joining, I think it was his way to make sure I didn't do anything too reckless in my current mindset, as well as the swelling around my left eye had yet to go, it was gross yellow now but was still difficult to see out of.

I was still in my clothes from the fight, my own dried blood packed to the front of my shirt, thankfully my sleeves were still functioning as gloves. I didn't run very fast, in fact, I mainly walked the broken city, Brad kept pace with me in comfortable silence, when it started to grow darker we jumped onto a train to take us home and I was surprised when Brad didn't enter the compartment but began to climb the ladder stuck to the side. He paused near the top and gave a gesture with his head, "Come on."

Warily I followed him up and the train was still moving but he climbed onto the top, surprisingly there were a few bars welded in, which he used as holds as he sat on the edge, his feet handing over. I joined him and together we watched the sunset behind the fence.

"You know in Amity they drug the bread." His voice was shaking in the silence we had embraced and the statement confused me. 

"Ah no, I didn't actually. Why?"

His eyes glazed over a little, "Peace serum, it's used continuously in ou- in Amity, to keep the peace, make people happy and sort of dull the senses. Before the choosing day I knew I was transferring, and I had known about the bread so I weaned myself off it, I didn't quite time it right so the withdrawal hit that first couple nights, but it wasn't too bad."

I froze horror hitting at the implication of what he'd said. "Withdrawal?"

He nodded tightly, "Sorry about the crying-"

"Brad," I breathed out, guilt hitting me, "That must have been- I'm sorry."

He shot me a warm smile, "There's no way you could have known, but I'm not telling you to make you feel bad, I'm saying it because you need to understand that those few days, I did want to go back, I wanted to leave and be welcomed back to my family and everything I knew, everything that wasn't scary."

"But you didn't leave-" I pointed out, "-You stuck it out and pushed through, you belong in Dauntless Brad."

"Thank you, and so do you Persie-'' I was about to protest the thought that I was considering I didn't, I knew that. "-I know that look on your face." He snapped, "You had a goal and you were achieving it, now suddenly it feels impossible because you fell a long way down the ranks-" My breath caught at the familiar phrase, I'd fallen again hadn't I, "-but Persie you can get first, I know you can, you started in first place. Finish there too."

A tear fell down my eye and I stared at the passing landscape, it stung a little to be called out on my feelings of giving up after one bad fight, especially after hearing about Brad's struggle, but it helped too. Brad's confidence in me was sweet, but the problem was more than that, I had begun to realise I had another fear I hadn't listed. I was afraid I wasn't ready. Ready to be a member of Dauntless, ready for whatever was behind Kevin's door, ready for all the unknown that would come with my progress forward. Brad was right. I wanted the safety of the familiar, and I wasn't sure how to fix it.

We made it the rest of the way in silence, and I followed him to dinner. Eating quietly, still in my own head. I walked back to our barricades and as usual changed, leaving my sleeves in place, they had become a rather permanent fixture to my body and no one had questioned my new look, _thankfully_. I slipped under the sheets and closed my eyes.

ooOOooOOoo

The break day brought a little bit more determination back in me. I figured the only way to get over my new found fear of change was to face it front on. At breakfast I went and got my own food, pointedly ignoring Delphis's narrowed eyes as she purposely put too much on her plate with the intention to feed me.

I started the day by heading to the tattoo parlour and adding to my arm. The thin scar from Thaddeus become incorporated into the shape of a syringe, which held waves inside, representing my fear of needles and drowning. Below it, a skeleton hand appeared to be bursting through the ground which transitioned to more waves. I was pretty pleased with it and made sure to thank Harry who seemed to find my odd descriptions fun to illustrate.

I then went for a run, alone and in the other direction I usually head. I ran along the edge of the factionless and Candor sector, I knew that rout well, I'd run it from school many times, I stopped before one of the abandoned buildings and leapt up to the fire escape, twisting my body and pulling up I slipped through a hole in the concert that was positioned just above it.

I landed into a crouch and carefully stood up. I knew this room. It's why I'd come, I needed a reminder of terrible things to bring me back. I stood in the room and kept measured breaths, I knew it was empty, no one ever came here, and one sweep of my eyes had confirmed it. The room was concrete, sparse and had no windows.

In the centre lay an old dentist chair with straps hanging open, beside it, a slightly higher stain steel tray. The tray was void of any items now. But I could picture them easily, multiple syringes, scalpel, clips, other medical equipment. I sucked in a breath but didn't look away instead I took a step forward. I was going to face this in my sim eventually, may as well do it now.

I ran my hand over the reclined chair and let them tremble. I clenched my fingers into a fist annoyed at the fear. I shouldn't be so afraid. Yet I was, the room held many memories for me, it was my father's room. It was my room. It was funny for me to think my father had been in Candor, his parents had been Candor, he was raised on honesty but he had been so good at lying.

My mother was young when she met him, he was slightly older, not by much but he was full of ambition, he should have transferred to Erudite but I remembered him mentioning once he had been asked by someone to stay in his faction, it was all very secretive. When I escaped from him and my old faction put us both on trial, my mother as well, they had been so apologetic to her, she had tried to tell them, tried to be honest that my father had got her pregnant and taken the child, hid me away. My father was high up in the Candor council and he had easily charmed his way out of it. My mother was punished for her dishonesty and not even a trial had occurred.

My mother had not forgiven them, not quickly, especially not when the first time she got to hold me I was already 7 years old. I had grown up in the room I was in now, at first I knew there was an Erudite that came to care for me until I was a toddler, but then it must have been deemed too risky and my father took over. His visits were not often thankfully, and when he had come he strapped me to the chair and tested Eruidites experiments. 

He had been found out when one day he had left an empty syringe in the room. I had banged the tip on the ground so it bent then I used it to help undo the screws holding the chair to the concrete, they were flimsy at best anyway, it wasn't too long before I succeeded and had shoved it against the wall to scramble out the hole near the top. Climbing has been freedom for me in more ways than one.

I had run into the first building that looked like it held life, it had been Candor's main headquarters and I had been seized by a man who, I know figure was probably going to throw me on the streets, however, at the time I believed he was taking me back to my room. I had begged him not to and he had paused, I had drawn a crowd and the man asked what I meant. I was not able to say much besides begging him not to take me back, the needles hurt me, but whatever was in them hurt more, I remembered that much.

To my absolute horror, I had been taken to a room where many had watched as once again needle was inserted into my neck. Thankfully it was worth it as the truth serum became the trial which held my father accountable and probably had some repercussions on Erudite as well.

I drew my palm back from the seat and mental bracing myself I lifted my leg climbing onto it. My knives were back flush against my body hidden by my clothes, but the metal was warm from my body heat, I knew they were there I could get out. Repeating that to myself I reached under the seat and gripped the dangling polyester, I pulled it across my body and keeping my arms underneath released it. The belt was in no way restraining me, I couldn't reach under the table to do that, but the feeling of being restrained stayed the same. I breathed in and out, my fingers lay over the knives on my thighs. I could do this.

I must have stayed drawing in panicked breaths for a good while because by the time I climbed my way out of that room it was pitch black, there was no moon tonight, only stars. I personally preferred the view of them so far away, cold and remote, to the fiery burst of colours the sun gave before it disappeared.

I didn't think much on the run home, I avoided any signs of life, not wanting to get into any trouble, especially when I'd not told my friends I was taking a different route. I bent to scope up the occasional coin and slipped them into the zipped pocket that was hidden inside my normal one. I jumped on the train near the fence and let it take me home. 

As I had gone in a different direction it was faster to jump onto the roof and take the initiates entrance into the compound. I felt pride flush through me when I made the jump effortlessly rolling over my arm to break my fall.

I bounded over to the familiar ledge and remembering the pools of lead daring me to make the jump I hopped on the ledge this time and turned so my back was to the hole. Gesturing out to an imaginary crowd I gave a speech, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, and now for the final act." Taking a deep breath I bent my knees and flipped backwards, whooping as the air rushed by. _ Oh yes, I loved heights. _

The net caught me, as it had last time and since I was alone and free from judgment I practised trying to exit it gracefully. I failed horribly the first time causing me to jump right back in the middle and try again. I giggled to myself after the fifth time and conceded maybe not everyone could be as badass as the leaders, some things we just are unable to do with grace for the common folk.

I brushed my fingers along the stone hall and hummed to myself as I began the trek to our Barricades.


	13. In the Inferno

After I’d gone to confront my fears in real life, it made the sims a little more bearable, despite never knowing I was in a sim I still remembered going to the room my father confined me previously, and that seemed to help. Four didn’t come to our next few sim practices and neither did Eric, instead, Lauran took over but I didn't let the change distract me and by the end of the week verging on cut day I'd finally faced all of them.

I brought my ranking back up to 4th place, it was actually Thaddeus, Brad and Archie in the lead, with Archie in first then Thaddeus and Brad after him. Cassius, who had originally been the one I had picked as my main competition, wasn't doing so great in the fear sims. He never talked about what he faced, but every single time without fail he left the room verging on shaking and even paler than the other boy. I wasn’t too concerned though he was surrounded by Archie and Delphi who made sure he was alright, and he was still doing well, pulling up 11th three below Kali.

It was on cut day that I finally decided I was ready. I hadn't been back to see Kevin in a while. I wanted too, I loved our training and honestly, I loved his home, the winding tunnels of the Dauntless underground, Kevin had shown me a few other caves that the River spilled into and I had fun exploring them, my problem was I didn’t particularly fancy getting shanked in the dark hallways.

Thaddeus and Piri had yet to do anything but glower, Thaddeus probably too preoccupied with trying to climb to 1st place. It was actually the very real threat of that happening that incentivised me to get better, _Spite_, the perfect motivator. The entire week I hadn't thought once whether I could or couldn’t reach first, instead, I repeated to myself. _ I had to beat Thaddeus. _ I no longer cared _where_ I was on the board, as long as it was above Thaddeus, and as he was in second that simply meant I had to get first.

Cut day was the last day of the week and five more had left us. I was a little upset that Lo had been one of those people, but definitely not as much as Emma. The rest had been Dauntless-born, to Kali’s relief Talea had not been one of them. We made it to the pit as usual and Max stood above us to congratulate everyone who passed the second stage. There were no more cuts after this, only our final fear landscapes which would take place over the next week and would determine our final rankings.

Archie nudged me drawing me from my thoughts, “Come on Pers, everyone’s heading to the bar.” I didn’t have time to respond before Cassius bounded over and threw me over his shoulder running down the hall.

I cursed him out in fainted outrage. “How dare you! Cassie-” He growled at the nickname, while I propped myself up against his back with my elbows waving cheekily at Archie who was watching the exchange with an amused expression, “-I’m not sure if Archie likes you handing someone else like this.” That gave Cassius pause and he stopped to swing around nearly smacking my head into the stone wall in the process, “Hey!”

He ignored me staring worriedly at Archie, “Do you want me to carry you, Archie?”

Archie snorted, giving him a pat on the shoulder I wasn’t occupying before disappearing into a hole in the wall, which turned out to be the entrance to the bar. Cassius finally set me down and, as though mimicking Archie’s form of comfort, gave my head a pat before trailing after the blond like the puppy dog he was. Rolling my eyes I spotted Kali and quickly jumped onto the stool beside her. “Hey, Kali, what's cookin good-lookin.” I was in unusually good spirits today, most likely from my achievement in jumping the scoreboard so high, it would probably go tomorrow.

She narrowed her eyes at me most likely thinking along the same lines, “Not much actually, I was just talking to Talea-” I leant over the bar slightly to see the other girl and gave a wave in acknowledgement, “-She reckons she knows why Piri went after you so-” She waved her arms around “-You know.”

“Viciously?” I offered, she nodded. I felt myself get a little less elated at the sound of the other girl's name but pushed it back. _No, I was being happy_. Turning to the bartender who was walking by I gave her a smile and she turned to serve me, “Just a beer please.”

“Sure thing sweetie.” She had icy white hair and was pretty cute, I threw a questioning look to Kali and got a wink in return. _ Alright then_. The woman returned with my bear and I thanked her, allowing the brush of her fingers over my own as she handed it to me before she turned to serve another customer.

I shifted my seat so I could see the other two girls better. Kali scoffed, “How can you get a girl with only a fucking smile?”

Talea made an offended sound and I laughed, “But I never got you, Kali.”

To my surprise Taela actually answered, the normally very sweet girl made a show of pulling my friend closer and planting a kiss right on her lips, “Too late. She’s mine, Persie.”

I cooed at them, watching Kali melt against the other before coughing to get their attention. “You were saying about Piri.”

“Oh, yea-” Kalli pulled away from her girlfriend, “You know that kid you made shoot Four and Cassius off that structure-thing?”

I nodded and Talea gave me a sympathetic smile, “Yea that was her brother, he was doing alright in the scores but she somehow found out that knocked him down 3 places.”

I sighed tipping my bear back and taking a long drink. “_Fuck_.”

Kali nodded “Yep, shitty situation, but I don’t think she’s the type to hurt someone unless they enter the ring.” She gave me a pointed look.

“Noted.” The conversation changed to lighter topics after that but I couldn’t stop thinking about it, my actions in a _game_ had made a kid go from having a home to not. To think the guy was Dauntless-born as well, his family was still here. I shoved the thoughts and the guilt far down. I didn’t do anything wrong, I hadn’t known the War games affected our scores. But a part of me, a part I didn’t like to acknowledge, whispered in the back of my mind. _ If I had, would it have changed anything? _ I thought about the heated look of pride Eric’s face had shown, the glow of the flag allowing me the sight, I thought of how right everything had felt in that moment and my finger pulled the trigger on the boy in front of me, my eyes still locked on the leader while he grinned. I knew it wouldn’t have.

I downed the rest of my beer by the time Delphi made her presence known, she brought a few of the Dauntless-born’s over along with Zane, I chatted to him a bit but was mainly content to watch everyone having fun. Archie’s rivalry with Zane seemed to run through most things, but it was no longer lined with dislike, the two had formed an almost brotherly rivalry which obviously meant they were challenged to a drinking contest instantly.

Archie could probably drink anyone under the table but Zane definitely didn’t go down without a fight. Cassius who didn’t have much of a fondness for alcohol still enjoyed the show, pulling the drunken boy onto the dancefloor, which was made up of mostly jumping and drunken swaying, rock music was being played, it echoed off the rock walls, the bar rather like a cave of its own. A few stalagmites were fashioned into seating and tables, giving the bar a rather authentic and rough feel.

I saw Brad hanging around Delphi the most, he didn’t drink, content to help Delphi in her self-appointed duties of watching over everyone, whilst still having fun, occasionally dragging her to the dance floor. All in all, it was a good day, sad for our losses but happy for our own success, secretly I was beyond pleased all my friends had made the cut, I cared little for those who hadn't. It was selfish of me but I never claimed to be abnegation, and whilst I had felt Lo would do well in Dauntless, she was at least with her sister now.

By midnight I’d had enough of the noise and wanted to burn the tension that had been building in me since I’d learned of Pongo, Piri’s brother. I made my way to Delphi and stole her fries to grab her attention, and also because Delphi’s food was always the best. “Oi!” Brad tried to defend her chips but I snarled and tried to bite the arm blocking me.

Delphi laughed pulling Brad’s arm down, “What’s up Persie?”

“Mm leaving-” I muttered with my mouth full, “Probably gonna go to the training room.”

“Okay, want me to come, you’ve had a bit to drink?” 

I waved her off, “Nah, it’s not far.”

“Alright-” She wagged her finger in my face “But make sure you come to bed and sleep it off too, don’t crash in the training room again.”

I scoffed, “Yes mum.” The route was pretty close, but I made sure to be extra wary, I didn’t know Thaddeus’s current location, but I’d stopped feeling like he was about to attack me all the time now, he seemed more focused on passing our class in 1st place, it was a little reassuring.

I made it there undeterred and walked over to my usual training bag and was about to square up when I heard loud footsteps followed quickly by the young Dauntless leader, stalking into the room. He walked in and his eyes caught sight of me, with a scowl he crossed his arms and snapped, “Training initiate?” I nodded hesitantly, he was clearly not in a good mood which was always a bad sign. “Well go on.” His voice had a mocking tinge and I resigned myself to being ridiculed for a few minutes.

I pulled up my guard opposite the bag and letting myself picture my faceless opponent, I envisioned them coming for me in the dark hallways of the underground. I lashed out, my eyes opening but I kept the opponent in my head, my knee flew up to defend myself and disable an imaginary strike. My hands thrust out in rapid succession, somewhere along the way the faceless being had gained purple hair. My hits flowed and I felt almost like the river that had nearly swallowed me whole.

I was taken completely off guard when I heard footsteps and felt air rush by my head, I turned to defend the block just in time. My eyes were wide showing I hadn’t expected the attack and Eric pulled back with a sneer, “If I had really been trying to kill you _Initiate_, you would be dead right now. Looks like that training to fight more than one requires actual effort.”

I very nearly snapped back at him that I wasn’t being taught jack-shit, but instead set my jaw, annoyed at my own desire for his approval. His approval should mean nothing to me, he wasn’t my trainer, he wasn’t grading me. “Looks like it.” He sneered and stormed away. I watched him go, hating how it felt like unworthy and weak were tattooed across my forehead. I sneezed in a mocking imitation of his own long after he’d left. It wasn’t my fault, I’d asked to be taught I couldn’t very well teach myself something I didn’t know.

I spent the next hour taking out my frustrations on the bag but it only seemed to build until I knew I needed something more, the mats weren't open but I needed something to either distract me or release the tension that had been building. If I wasn’t a hopeless virgin that hadn't even had a crush, beside the weird infatuation with the man who’d pissed me off, then I would have gone back to the bar and found the pretty blond. As it was, I decided I was ready to enter the door Kevin had stopped me from previously. 

I suspected it was the ‘Trench’ that I’d heard mentioned every now and again, I also suspected it was some sort of fighting ring, which was exactly what I needed right now. Maybe I couldn’t fend off more than one attacker, but I could definitely take on one. I had one of my knives already in my palm making the walk to Kevin’s door. I wasn’t exactly worried about Thaddeus anymore but he had tried to kill me before and I figured it was better safe than sorry. I needn't have bothered. I made it without encountering anyone. Actually I’d never encountered anyone in the hallways to Kevins, the Trench probably had another entrance.

I knocked and the door opened without Kevin checking, he stood glaring down at me and I offered a sheepish grin, “Didn’t get cut.” Silently gesturing to me he went to head for our training room, nice of him considering it was very late, but I stopped him, “I’m ready.”

He turned to give me a once over. “You are sure, little Kore?”

I nodded, “That’s what I’ve been doing. I’m no longer afraid of heights-” That fear had gone completely from my sim, “-And I faced my father in the last one, I got out in under a minute. I’m still scared of him, most likely always will, but I'm only afraid of his memory, he’s nothing now.” 

Kevin nodded showing he understood. “But I know I’m ready mainly because today I had reacted without a single thought crossing my mind.” I was referring to when Eric had tried proving his point about how much I _wasn’t_ ready, I knew he’d made his footsteps loud to allow me the warning, and he was right in saying I wouldn’t have been able to defend myself if the attacker had been trying for real, but that wasn’t the point. The point was I reacted. I wasn’t _the_ best, but it was _my_ best, and I would only get better. For now, I was ready for the next stage, whatever that was. I wasn’t afraid of this unknown variable, not any more.

Kevin nodded to the door with only a few words of guidance. “Do not enter the Trench tonight little one, watch_._ Go through the door on the right down the hall, not the middle one.”

I twisted the handle and pulled the door open to reveal another stone passage. It was dark and the door fell shut behind me. The loud roars of people were easier to hear in the passage. I could also hear water, it was rushing fast, it sounded a much stronger current than the river that passed through the ravine. I lifted my hand to brush along the wall, guiding me in the dark. I stopped once my fingers got to the door to the right as Kevin mentioned. The floor started to slope down after the door, but I didn’t bother going any further grabbing the handle and twisted. The sight that greeted me was shocking, but I managed to take it all in.

I had entered what appeared to be a stadium, only it was made of stone and began several meters from the arena below. Three roles of people cut into the stone walls, making up the audience. Vibrant coloured Dauntless hair made no mistake who the spectators were. A cheer went up the crowd clearly hyped with the performance. The walls of stone arched up to make the ceiling which was high above them, it was dark stone so it felt more closed in than it was, the large stalactites probably helping with that effect, even though they were quite high up themselves. It was a circular arena, but the Dauntless spectators only made up three-quarters of the circle. The other bit seemed to allow the arena to send in their fighters, if the body being dragged through the door in the middle of the stone was any indication.

From my angle, I couldn’t see the winner, but he was definitely male, covered in blood and apparently shaking off the last fight. I took in the rest of the place. The stands were separated not just by height, but the rapidly rushing water that circled the arena, bar the section still connected, it explained the sound. Overall the entire place seemed built so no safety could be found for the fighters. The same smooth stones that had littered the moon cave covered the ground, although the occasional stalagmite cut up the landscape. The water was littered with most of the rocks and to be pushed into it would likely result in being instantly shredded by the current.

The wall of stone that held the door into it would have been the only safety for the fighters except rock protruded from it like a torture bed I had read about in history class once. The place was clearly intended to be more dangerous than the fighters but peering down at the man in the ring he seemed perfectly at ease, as though he had been in the position many times previous.

Another cheer went up as the door opened to reveal the next participant. They stepped onto the terrain and held their hand in the air, resulting in another roar. The champion stood almost uninterested and the realization of who was standing there hit me with a jolt. Only one man I had ever met would appear so cocky and indifferent at the same time. I had yet to see his face so I couldn’t confirm but I knew it was Eric.

A weird feeling settled in me then, I had come to rid myself of the tension he had caused in me, yet once again he stole my thoughts. He looked strangely alluring covered in blood. The thought should disgust me, I shouldn’t notice the way the light from the torches lit with fire and embedded into the wall flickered and shone on the dark red of his back.

I moved out from my position in the doorway and it slammed shut behind me. I had made my decision. I wove in between the people standing on the three rows, the only thing stopping spectators from falling into the river was a slight lip of rock about a foot high on the bottom tier. I worked my way until I was in the centre of the room, directly opposite the door which brought the champions to the arena.

During my move, the fight had begun and I had half watched as Eric’s back remained to me, the opponent was around the same build as Four but slightly shorter. He ran at Eric and Eric simply waited, like a cobra, his muscles shifted in his back while he waited to strike. I made it to my seat as the man made it to Eric and struck at him.

The opponent landed a hit to Eric which the leader responded to in kind. The spectators around me blurred into nothing as I watched the fighting with fascination. Eric had landed a good hit to the others jaw and it had stunned the other man for just a moment, that was apparently all Eric had needed before he was on him, throwing punch after punch to his face, the fight was brutal and the punches kept flying, the man's face I could no longer see, too much blood, part of me thought he might not have much of a face left at all.

Neils’s words rang in my head, “If your training was brutal to you then it’s probably best you don't know.” He had been right, I had thought that Piri and I’s fight on the mats had been vicious. I watched as Eric final stood up from the bloodied mess beneath him to throw up his arms and bask in the crowd. _ I was wrong. _

The door opened and the man was dragged away. To be sent to Nora no doubt. Honestly, I wonder what she thought about this place, probably not very nice things.

My gaze slipped to view the young leader's face and at that moment he looked much like a beast after a kill. Blood trailed down his neck from previous fights, bruises littered his torso, which was uncovered in fabric but painted in the dark red of old blood. I wondered how long he had been down there, something in me suspected since the moment he had left me in the training room. That thought sent chills through me, a single 5-minute fight was difficult enough, multiple fights back to back for more than an hour…

The door opened again and this time a man several feet taller than Eric and just as equally proportioned in width stomped through the door. Eric, still facing the crowd, fell into a snarl but the glint of fire stayed lit in his eyes, it seemed more like a smile than any I’d ever seen on him. The look was eerily similar to when I had revealed the ammunition I had carried to him on the roller coaster,_ ‘Fuck yes._’ I squeezed my eyes shut to shake out the memory of the words and resummed watching the fight.

The giant of the man began to circle Eric and he did the same. It wasn’t a dance, not like how Kali fought, nor was it like Zane, swift and brutal. It was violence in its rawest form, animals tearing into one another for the sake of the blood pouring onto the stones.

I watched in awe as the Giant swept Eric’s feet from under him and went to pull the move Eric had just moments before, Eric never allowed it, using his fall to grab some of the stones and hurl them at the giant, I winced as did the giant and Eric didn’t let the opportunity be wasted. He shot up to send a punch under his jaw, the only angle he could reach on the bigger man, the giant’s head flew backwards and Eric was beside him, fisting the hair on his head, causing the Giant to keep an unnatural arch and taking away any power he might have had. Eric didn’t keep that position for longer than necessary, using the giant’s head to move him he shoved the skull directly into one of the rocky outcrops sticking up from the ground. A screen shattered the sound of the rushing water and even the cheers couldn’t mask it. I should have looked away as Eric bashed the head again and again into the pointed rock. The giant struggled momentarily before going limp, when he did, Eric dropped him and roared. Instead, I felt my pulse quicken.

The giant had to have several people carry him from there and after Eric seemed to roll his shoulders back and turned to face the crowd again, I realised that was the signal to bring in another opponent. The next one was a built woman, shorter than Eric but clearly faster as the fight showed. She landed a hit which caused Eric to spit out blood and the fury that shone from him made me unconsciously move closer. The fight ended with Eric backing her mercilessly into the rapids. He threw a jab to her torso which caused her to topple beneath the water. I didn’t see her surface, I wondered if there was a way out of the water, but I didn’t think on it long as another opponent entered the ring.

I ended up one leg over the ledge the other planted on the other side, with my hand bracing me from leaning too far. The sight was intoxicating, Eric gained several cuts and bruises of his own, one had managed to stomp on his face, but still, he emerged victorious every time.

The spectators began to slowly disperse but I remained fixed as Eric stayed fighting, I wondered how he wasn’t tired but pushed it aside instantly, the aura of danger that had seemed to pour off the leader from the very moment he entered a room, I understood it now. He was a predator and everyone could sense it, it wasn’t just his position as the youngest leader in Dauntless history that inspired the self-assured nature, it was the absolute certainty he had, that he _was_ powerful.

I sucked in a sharp breath as Eric tore into the flesh of the latest victim with his teeth, he spat it out as the man slumped and I felt my mouth part slightly at the sight. I shouldn't find the sight so captivating, and I definitely shouldn't feel the heat that usually lit my cheeks down further in my stomach and between my legs. I wasn’t sure if it was my crush on the leader that made his domination and ruthlessness so intoxicating, or whether it was the power that had drawn me to him in the first place, but I knew I liked it, and I knew I had long since stopped caring about what I should or shouldn’t feel.

Eric turned to the stone stadium and I eagerly looked for his eyes, desperate to feel the terror they caused in me every time, only I found them locked firmly on mine in return. I stayed frozen in that moment and a different kind of fear seized me before a slow smirk drew across his face and my chest stuttered. _ Fuck. _ His shoulders relaxed his eyes still on me and he took a step back. Nodding at someone else in the crowd, the door opened behind him but no one was brought out, instead, he turned and left.

The remains of the crowd voiced their disappointment and his exit prompted the rest to retire for the night. I waited, still positioned one leg hanging over the edge, I let the audience go first, knowing very well Eric had to leave somewhere, I wasn’t sure if there was another entrance but I wasn't going to risk encountering him, not in the state I was, not in the state he was. My mind pulled up the image of him covered in the glistening red and I whimpered slamming my eyes shut. Waiting until the flush had left my cheeks I swung back over the ledge and dropped to the floor, making my way back to the door. I paused to listen for any stragglers and hearing nothing, pulled the door open and stepped into the stone corridor, heading back the way I’d come I pulled open the door and walked into Kevin’s foyer-like room.

Kevin wasn’t around, but I hadn't expected him to be, it was very late, or early, I didn’t know. I made my own exit into the dark corridor leading me back to my room. I took the path heading up, it was very familiar to me now, none of the other passages that branched or split off were as confusing as they had once been, I could make out the walls and the floor, and even the hairline crack that marked the way, but I didn’t need it.

Perhaps it was my familiarity that put me at ease, or perhaps it was the thrum of heat that had been flushing my body for hours but I had forgotten to be wary, forgotten to be careful in the halls I had previously been so vigilant. A deep chuckle was my only warning before a hand slipped over my mouth and another caused me to stumble back into the wall, grabbing my fist and trapping it above my head. I snarled beneath the hand and swung with my other arm, which they caught instantly freeing my mouth. It was then my eyes saw the same ones I had been greedily watching for hours. 

“Eric?” My voice held a question, but I had stopped struggling since I’d recognize the leader. He was still shirtless and caked in blood, my tongue unconsciously swiped at my lip to see if his hand had left any on it. He groaned at the action and I flushed, embarrassed I tugged at my arms to remind him he still had them trapped.

His smirk widened at that and he hummed, taking a step closer. My breath stuttered I had just watched the man before me rip into multiple people like they were rabbits to a lion, maybe he had seen me and wanted to make sure I wouldn’t tell anyone. But that didn't seem right, he wasn’t the type to be ashamed of his power, even the raw animalistic kind he had shown tonight. “Eric?” I nearly whimpered the question again.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, “Do you come to the Trench often _ Persie? _” He practically purred my name and I did whimper that time.

“N-no, I only came tonight.” I didn’t know why it was important, maybe the Trench was forbidden for initiates.

“Did you like it?” The question threw me and my eyes flew to meet his own unyielding gaze.

“What?”

“I saw you, watching me _ Persie _-” He moved closer, his leg coming to brace between my own, “Did you like it?” He hissed the last words into my ear and I whimpered loudly, my eyes slamming shut as the same teeth I had seen tear a chunk of flesh from another neck, came dangerously close to my own.

“Ye-es.”

My answer brought a rumble from his chest and his knee slipped in between my own, pressing against my centre, I gasped and he purred out dangerously, “Good girl.” I made some kind of shriek sound as his thigh pushed against where the heat was building, and my head fell back against the stone wall, that seemed to please him, which I already knew I liked to do. “Were you afraid?” The question was breathed huskily against the skin on my neck and I whined.

“No.”

He pulled back to assess me, “No?” I shook my head and he chuckled again, “You should be.”

“Why?” I managed to get out, “Are you going to hurt me?” He pressed his thigh higher and my momentary conscious thought was pulled from me. My head flew back and I was distantly aware of the way it exposed my neck to the dangerous man in front of me, but still, I did not feel afraid.

“If I wanted to hurt you Persie-” He bent close and pressed his teeth right into my exposed neck. Every part of me froze as his teeth clenched before he released and drew up to eye level with me once more. “-You would know.” The thrill of having the teeth of a killer, for he had definitely ended someone's life in that arena. With those teeth clenched around my throat, I had sent a heat so intense it washed from between my legs up to my face and I panted in a breath.

“You like that?” Eric cooed, he released one of my arms into the grip of the other, freeing one of his hands which he used to trail down my side. “You like to play with fire Persie?” I whimpered in response, which apparently didn’t satisfy him as his hand shot to my hair gripping tight at the root and he leaned in to hiss in my ear, “I don’t like to be ignored, Persie and I’m not at my most patient.”

I didn't doubt that, first he had been obviously pissed at something and had spent several hours wrecking people like they were pillows to vent his rage. “I’m not scared of fire-” I gasped out, “-I find it very beautiful.”

It seemed to be the right thing to say because his hand relaxed to push my head to meet his own and his lips claimed me. I had never kissed anyone before, but I didn’t feel for a minute unsure what to do, he kissed like water broke upon a cliff, with passion and violence, but enveloping all my senses, his teeth seized my lip between them and tugged electing a moan from me in response.

He shifted his leg and I unconsciously moved against him seeking something I didn’t know what. I tugged at the hands restraining me and received a growl in return, he broke the kiss and I whined trying to pull him back in but he held himself just out of reach. His eyes swept my form and he groaned, “God Persie do you know what you do to me?”

I shook my head, my hips still shifting against his thigh on their own accord. He growled and attacked my jaw with nips and kisses, alternating between round and tender, he spoke between his own movements, using his free hand to cup my jaw, much like from the training sim. “The way you think-” He snarled and pressed his teeth sharply to illustrate his point, bringing a gasp of both pain and pleasure to my lips before he soothed it away with a kiss. “-during the war games,” I shuddered as his husky voice allowed the words to penetrate. _ He’d thought of me then? Like I had? _ “I want to teach you everything-”

“_Please-_” I interrupted him. I wanted him to teach me too, with a gun with knives and combat, I had wanted him to do it the minute I decided to learn but he was a leader, busy there was no way he would teach me. “Please.” I whimpered again and he groaned his head falling onto my shoulder.

“God Persie.” My thighs clenched as the heat built in me and I pleaded out again, begging for something else this time. I had no shame in the begging, I wasn’t crying out for mercy nor giving up, I wanted _more._ Eric’s own breath was heavy and he cooed into my ear, “Come on Persie, take what you need.”

My hands were still held tightly in his grip and I pushed my centre against his thigh and cried out, increasing my pace as Eric watched me with a predatory gaze, it threw me over the edge and his hand cradled my skull before it was thrown back against the stone, pleasure wracked my body and I was gasping open-mouthed as I felt the waves pass through me. He purred as I slumped, my legs unable to hold me up and he stole my lips once more. “Good girl,” I whined as he pulled away and finally released my arms. I held them there for a moment unsure what to do before he ran his calloused palm up them drawing out the tension and guiding them to my side.

My legs regained a bit of strength and I was left looking wide-eyed at the Dauntless leader. Seeming unbothered, but still very much covered in blood and sporting a few nasty bruises he chuckled deeply before drawing away and with a hand planted firmly in the small of my back he led me in a daze back to my barricades.

I slipped beneath the covers incredibly glad we had a day off tomorrow.


	14. Land of Petrification

When I woke the next morning everyone had left already, to continue celebrating before we had to enter our fear landscapes. The last test was in a few days but it was far from my mind. Instead, I gazed up at the stone ceiling and pondered the events of last night.

I wasn’t really sure I knew exactly what had happened, but I did know within some semblance, I understood the pleasure that had wracked my body was a sexual act but truthfully we’d never had anyone tell us about it. It was supposed to be your caregiver's job to let you know of all the things you might go through once you reach certain ages, but my mother despite being Candor and very honest, still held scars from her time being dismissed, she rarely spoke, when she did it was only truth but I could probably count on one hand the number of times we actually conversed in the year leading up to my choosing.

I’d had to learn certain things the hard way and while I didn’t necessarily mind adapting to the situation, I figured I’d better ask Kali about it sooner or later. I brush my hand between my legs and hiss at the strange feeling. _ Sooner, sooner was good. _

I didn’t torture myself with too many thoughts on the events of last night, logically I knew Eric had been full of adrenalin and probably feeling the strange tension I had, it was unlikely to happen again, Eric was usually so composed and in control, I didn’t doubt that he wasn’t in control last night but it was a different more unhinged side of him, which I suspected he kept a stronghold on.

I finally pushed myself from the bed and went to shower and join my friends. Everyone tended to sneak showers in whenever the barricades might be empty, it rarely was, but we all seemed to like the privacy but I _had_ to have it, the scars on my arms had pretty much healed but the white tissue was still a stark contrast from my tinted pink skin. I looked down at them now, with the water pouring over my back, they were ugly and crude, a picture illustrating a violent event, but they were strangely beautiful in their own way as well, the scarred skin looked almost like the jagged rock that had torn into it.

The shower shut off and I stepped out shrugging on a black turtleneck and my usual jeans. I went looking for my friends in the pit first, they weren't there but I got some food before heading to the training room. I eventually found them in the bar from last night and was immediately pulled onto Cassius’s lap.

I scowled and was fully intending on socking him right in the groin but he had predicted that and shoved me off the minute after he pulled me down. I glared up at him from the ground. “Asshole.” Cassius sniggered and Brad extended an arm to help me up. I smiled in thanks and sat on my own seat, they had pulled a few into one of the more secluded sections of the caven, forming a circle so we could all talk to each other.

“So-” Delphi began, “What do you think?” Clearly I had missed something.

I shot Kali a confused expression as everyone else gave a yay or nay and she quickly recapped. “Delphi wants to play 20 questions, she thinks we aren't friends if we don’t know each other's favourite colours.”

The words caused Delphi to protest, “That’s not what I said, but fine I guess the pillow I’m getting for your birthday won't be a gorgeous sea green.” She gave a fake sigh and Kali snorted.

Brad decided to kick it off, apparently ignoring Kali and Talea’s vocal disapproval. “Persie-”

“-Oh god, why me?” I frowned at him.

Archie smirked, “‘Cause you were Candor, probably best to start the game truthfully.” I gave him the finger in response and he laughed.

Brad ignored us and asked his question, apparently, everyone went in a circle asking a question rather than just straight 20. “-What’s your favourite colour?”

“Red,” I answered instantly. Cassius went next. Most of the questions were dumb and easy to answer and it actually was fun in a silly kind of way. We moved to ask Kali questions next and then onto Talea. We came full circle and Delphi piped in with a question to me right away, apparently remembering something she’d forgotten to ask, “When's your birthday.” Yeah, that was one of the popular questions, unfortunately for her, I didn’t have an answer.

“I don’t know.” That seemed to stop all of them in their tracks. It had never bothered me, my father certainly never told me the day I was born and I never celebrated it with my mother. I knew the school had my medical records but I didn’t even know if they knew.

Archie voiced his confusion, “What? Why?”

I shrugged going for a half-truth not wanting to spoil the atmosphere with mentions of my father, “Mum never celebrated or talked about it, just wasn't a thing for me I guess.”

“Well, that’s unacceptable.” That was Delphi.

Archie looked thoughtful, “Dauntless records could probably tell you.”

I shrugged unbothered, “I don’t really need to know, it’s probably already been anyway.”

Kali raised an eyebrow, “It comes around every year stupid.”

I retaliated by kicking her chair away from Talea and moving my own in the spot. “Who’s stupid now, stupid.” She snarled jumping on top of her seat and quite literally launching herself at me, we crashed to the floor and began rolling trying to pin the other, Archie remained firmly planted in his own spot refusing to move as we came dangerously close to him, while Cassius and Brad shifted away from the fight.

It ended with Kali locking me in a hold against a table and us both grinning. That was fun, not quite the same as a violent fight but surprisingly just as rewarding. Unfortunately, our fight drew a bit of attention and after being egged on by the growing crowd we crouched ready to make it a real fight. The unfortunate part was when the blonde from before promptly kicked us out, tutting at our devilish forms.

I laughed and decided to take Kali rock climbing again. She _had_ promised and the others refused to leave the bar we were not allowed back into. The climb was nice and I was glad when my previous fear of heights didn’t return.

We separated when I went to go visit Kevin, claiming I’d been fobbing him off for too long, she went to find Talea but made me promise to have dinner with them as we had found out it was actually Brad’s birthday today and we were going to celebrate, hopefully in the bar, we were kicked out of.

ooOOooOOoo

Kevin's door opened and he looked me up and down as though checking to see if I’d headed his warning not to enter the Trench arena. I walked past him as he held open the door and made my way to our training room. “Hey, Kevy, Sorry I’ve not been around-” I opted for honesty with Kevin, I tended not to lie to him “I was a little worried about walking down here with Thaddeus and all… but I think it’s fine now.”

He nodded, accepting the answer even though he probably didn’t understand what I meant by Thaddeus, besides being aware he was in my sim’s I hadn't talked about him much. “Do you wish to practice today little one?”

I nodded. “Yes please, if you’re not busy.”

“I kept this time free for you always little Kore.” I winced a little feeling bad for my previous no-shows but pushed it down, regret never achieved anything, neither did guilt.

I practised until I checked the time and saw it was 6:37. _ Shit. _ “Hey Kev, thanks for the help, but I gotta go now.”

He hummed non-commitently and nodded to the door dismissing me. I ran to it and tried not to run but kept my pace brisk, I was already late, I was supposed to be there at 6:30 and it would take me about 7 minutes to make the walk. I encountered Archie along the way who grabbed my shoulders spun me around and began to march us in another direction. "Uh, where are we going?"

"Transfer barricades, you guys still aren't allowed back to the bar yet." I chuckled under my breath and walked forward without resistance.

It was a little strange being in the transfer barricades surrounded by other people. Kali immediately claimed my old bed and Cassius pushed a few together so we could sit in a circle. Delphi went over to lock the door and at my questioning look gestured to the bottles of alcohol in the middle, "We can all have some fun so long as we stay in here until the morning." I didn't necessarily _like_ being locked in anywhere but Delphi always watched over us instead of joining in, so if it was what she needed to do to allow herself some fun I didn't protest. The night progressed rather quickly, with Brad getting plastered first.

“-and _another _thing! Four _not_ teaching you -” He gestured wildly in my direction while I grinned at him, sipping my own drink much slower than he had. “-It’s ridiculous, rediculous I tell you, Faction of the _brave _not. Not- not. Not…-” He struggled for a minute “-Angry!” Archie gave him a gentle pat on the back, launching Brad into describing yet another flaw in the system we were undergoing.

I actually liked listening to the gentle boy explain everything from his point of view, while he was explaining everything wrong he was also providing some very interesting alternatives. He had brought up again how rock climbing or some form of training to climb should be taught in initiation, after all, Dauntless sometimes needed to get into the high apartments of Euridite or Candor within the city, and they weren't very helpful dead from a fall.

Brad had also brought up Four’s reluctance to teach me more than what the Dauntless initiation entailed. I myself had been thinking long and hard about that, his resistance only made sense when I paired it with his attitude after I mentioned close combat with knives, I remembered he hadn't approved of my fight with Thaddeus and I got the feeling he didn’t want me to be even more capable of harm. The thought annoyed me because I hadn’t asked for either of those things with bad intentions I had only wanted to protect myself, it shouldn’t be up to him to decide how much I am allowed to progress.

Although, given Eric’s comment from last night in the training room, I gathered he assumed Four _was _teaching me, and he had been the one to insist I ask Four as he was my trainer. I guessed that meant the actual leadership of Dauntless weren't apposed to initiates learning more than required to pass initiation, which made the decision solidly Fours and entirely _f__rustrating. _

I always had the option to simply tell Eric or another member of leadership, but I had also had that option after Thaddeus shoved me into the chasm. At the time I hadn't told as I assumed they wouldn’t care, but after Max had addressed everyone at the mess hall and I had seen Eric teaching the patrol, I knew that wasn’t the case, the leaders of Dauntless were invested in the faction and it felt good knowing that.

The reason I didn’t go to them now was simply that it felt like a childish thing to do. Thaddeus hadn’t attempted it again with myself or any other, it seemed we had gotten even, although I didn’t dissuade myself into thinking it was the end of our feud. Telling on Four seemed a great way to get on his bad side even more, as well as it was like telling on another kid for stealing your pencil, pathetic at best. I hadn't done that either.

The points Brad made were interesting, while I loved Dauntless it could definitely do with some improvements and while I didn’t think I could ever see myself hanging around the next years initiates to implement them, I hoped Brad got into a position where he was able to. The thought caused me to ponder which job I might go into once we passed our fear landscapes. Truthfully I only knew about 3, leadership, patrol, own a parlour. There were subcategories within each section, leadership split into 5 which were headed by the leader's Eric, Max, Harrison, Felicity and Xavier. I still didn’t know which parts of dauntless they covered but from Eric’s training on the roof, I suspected he had something to do with the patrols.

We’d been told it was difficult to change professions once entering them but most jobs allowed a grace apprenticeship slot for about a month, so all the newly fledged Dauntless would learn the ropes and also ensure they fit into the structure. Patrol had the most options, they were the Dauntless firefighters, the policing of the factionless sector, guards to the fence and the elite guards. I had heard of the elite guards by name and not much else, I suspected they dealt with more secretive and delicate issues, or ones that required high amounts of skill and success. I knew it intrigued me and if given the chance I wanted to go there.

I looked back over my group of friends and smiled, we had one more day before our last stage of training, no one got cut from the last stage but the rankings dictated who got to choose first. I definitely thought Archie would go into patrol, he was suited for it he’d need the active life, where Archie went I knew Cassius would follow, not that Cassius wouldn’t have chosen patrol anyway, it suited him too.

I suspected Kali would like to stay more within the walls of Dauntless if only because she liked the atmosphere, I also thought she would do something that gave her a rush, I wasn’t sure what that was yet. Talea I didn’t know well enough and Delphi I couldn’t even begin to guess, all in all, I was pretty confident everyone would go somewhere they would thrive, it was that thought that remained on my mind as I fell asleep. We all belonged in Dauntless and I couldn’t wait to see it all pan out.

ooOOooOOoo

The day of stage three came around far too quickly and far too slowly both at once. I didn’t fancy facing all my fears whilst remaining conscious of it, some people like Cassius were relived they would know it wasn’t real, I, on the other hand, would be very conscious of the leaders watching, I knew they couldn’t see my simulation but still knowing they were watching my reactions was unnerving at best, it certainly didn’t help the other initiates were also allowed to watch. I elected not to, I didn’t want to see my classmates struggling their fears unable to do anything, it didn’t sound like entertainment to me. After a few hours drumming my fingers, I was finally called in.

I walked into the room, it was different from the training one, an entire wall was glass allowing the viewers to witness, I didn’t look out of it, not caring for their gaze. Instead, I went and sat on the seat unable to stop the clench of my fish but able to mask it with indifference, as though annoyed not afraid. I noticed Four coming over and it only served to put my already tense mind into a darker mood. _ Great, he's back. _

He didn’t cup my head like Eric had when he pressed the needle close, it was up to me to remain still and allow it. I would have tried to push down the image of my father it conjured but I would see him in a few seconds anyway so I didn’t bother. My eyesight went black before slowly returning, almost like a light dimming. Once it fully returned I sat up to see myself in the same room but it was now devoid of Four. Somehow that was worse, meaning the sim had started I groaned and slumped back drumming my fingers against the side to wait for the inevitable appearance of another, my fear used to just be lying on the chair but as I’d progressed through the training it joined with my father as the seat no longer held the same power over me, I was a little proud of that.

I didn’t have to wait long until a clipped voice sounded from behind me. “Trial 4, testing Doloreget serum.” I tensed at the voice and went to jump from the seat to face him, I could kill him and the fear would be over but the familiar pull of restrains halted that line of thinking. _ Heartrate it was. _I breathed in slowly as his hand dragged through my hair and tried to ignore it. Dauntless was about acting in the face of fear, so ignoring the thing that made me afraid and focusing on remaining calm was a good way to go. I didn’t try and focus on something else, that wasn’t the point, in a real situation it would only distract me, I needed to be able to control my fear whilst being aware of it.

He continued to rattle off scientific words I couldn’t follow, all the while trailing his hand over my skin. It was a sharp contrast, the creepy way he had always touched me and the clinical words he spoke, I didn’t ignore it, instead focusing on everything I could analyse about him. My father stepped forward from behind the chair so I could now see him. His eyes were full of fascination but so, so dead, there was nothing, not like the eyes I had seen in the Trench full of passion and fire.

My father was in jail but the man before me was also my father, he was the fear of my father I would always retain. I no longer really cared about the sim I was currently participating in, the moment had grown far beyond that, I needed to know I could encounter my father one day and know I would be able to handle it.

He picked up a syringe from a very familiar metal tray and approached me, I maintained eye contact which he ignored but it was important for me, I’d never watched as he dosed me with his latest test, but I watched now. I saw the cold remain and nothing in his face change as he pushed the needle into my neck and I breathed a sigh of relief because finally I knew and understood what I had always feared, I was afraid that behind the dark of his eyes truly he cared about me, I was afraid because it meant despite the caring he had continued my torture for years, but at that moment I knew he never had. It was _freeing_. The pain of the serum caused me to arch off the bed, only the restraints holding me to it while I held in a scream, the scene changed leaving me gasping for breath as my next fear began.

The rest of the landscape seemed to fly by, I was still riding the high of my own acceptance of my father. I had known he was a monster but now it was so much easier to let go of his actions, it was easy to dismiss evil as evil when it didn’t have a heart.

I left the sim on shaky knees and happily collapsed in the training room beside all the other initiates. Most of us were sitting probably from the aftermath of our fears but all of us had our eyes on the board waiting for the leaders to set the grades. They walked into the room looking very regal as they came to stand beside the board and before us. My eyes flickered over to Eric and observed his casual stance, it was very different from the battle-ready one he used in the Trench but no less intimidating, if Kali’s wince in his direction was anything to go by.

Max addressed us, “Congratulations initiates, you are now members of Dauntless. We expect you to maintain our code, bravery and valour, at all times, for now, let us see your rankings.” The electronic board lit up and my eyes blurred them out in search of my own name, I scanned it then had to again as I had skipped over my rank. 3rd. I was third. I grinned, I was a little disappointed at not achieving my goal of first, but it had changed to beating Thaddeus, and I had achieved that, with him sitting 4th. My eyes jumped to the top and I saw Archie and then Brad’s name in bold. _ Wait. _

I let out a shocked laugh and turned to congratulate him only to be pulled into a hug from him first. I was elated he got second it meant he might be able to actually implement the changes he had dreamed of doing. Cassius was cooing over Archie who was bright red as Cassius planted a few smothering kisses on his brow. I turned back to the board. Thaddeus was directly after me, then Delphi, Zane and Kali, Cassius and Talea were after them, I didn't particularly care for anyone else and jumped on Kali’s back letting her roll me off and engage in a wrestle.

It was chaotic and addicting the atmosphere of delight. The leaders were watching the show with mild amusement. I briefly saw Emma standing on Jackson’s shoulders and trash-talking Zane, despite him getting higher, Zane seemed amused by the whole thing and a little baffled with how Emma wasn’t falling off the boy as he moved around.

Thaddeus and Piri sidled up behind Zane to join in the verbal smackdown but I was happy to note the playful tones in their voices. A few other Dauntless born had got the same idea as Kali and I, and a few fights started, now full of laughter and a lot more dramatic with there no stakes holding us down.

The leaders must have left at some point but I only distantly heard Harrison’s reminder to chose our positions before we left. I snarled at Kali as we went rolling over, only for me to throw my weight into it rolling her again so I was the one pinning her down. “You give up Kali?”

In response she threw a knee into my groin, I was glad I wasn’t a guy but it still hurt enough to distract me and allow Kali to throw a hit to my face. I saw it coming and easily defended she couldn't get much power from the ground I was about to retaliate when all my senses went off and I spun without thinking to deck Talea who had come behind to attempt to help her girlfriend.

Talea groaned and Kali burst into laughter causing me to wince in apology at the girl. She only waved me off, “Ugh, I’m good Pers, just give me a second.” I jumped off Kali and pulled her to her feet before giving her a gentle push towards the other, “Please help her I dunno how.” Kali rolled her eyes before peeling Talea’s hands away to survey the damage and with a mock sound of sympathy pulled her into a kiss. Talea pulled away with a grin, “Am I permanently disfigured?”

I gave a sound of disgust at the loving look Kali sent her and the words I knew were coming, “Aww babe I’d love you either way.” They ignored me and I opted to go check on the board which allowed us to input the positions we wanted beside our rank, it had to be done in order and when I got there I saw I was next to choose.

I checked Archie’s name and saw, sure enough, he chose patrol. In the beginning, patrol was split into two categories, response patrol, dealing with things like fire and emergency call outs, and station patrol which included the fence and patrolling the factionless. I wasn’t sure which one the elite guard fell under but I had suspected you didn’t just get to choose the elite guard, it was either a position you worked up to or were chosen for.

Archie had put himself in station patrol. I considered Brad might have put himself into response patrol due to his experience with the Dauntless firefighters but wasn’t surprised to see leadership by his name. It would be a path he would have to work hard in, he wouldn’t become a leader until one died or he proposed a part of Dauntless life that wasn’t being covered by any of the others. He would become a vassal, and work under the leaders. I can’t imagine it would be easy but glancing back at him doing a happy dance with Delphi, I knew it would be rewarding.

I pressed down on the keys of the computer, typing in my own future. _Response patrol_. I needed the job full of uncertainty and challenge, I could picture myself scaling the side of the hub if it caught fire, I wanted to be the person of bravery that had influenced Brad so much, I wanted to jump the rooftops to rush to the aid of a patrol squad. It had happened before, a patrol squad had been assaulted by some factionless that had looted a cargo shipment of guns, I had heard that the response patrol had to rush to the emergency, that was the response's purpose. I suspected the elite guard would have stepped in if it had been a hostage situation or something similar that required more delicacy and allowed for a little more time.

I grinned as my choice showed up on the board and went to join my friends.

  
  


ooOOooOOoo

Once every name had a position beside it we ditched the training room to head to our old barricades, the transfer ones as we wanted it to be just us. We sat in a circle on the floor this time and I turned to Delphi. “Hey Delph, what did you choose, I didn’t see?” I was curious as I couldn’t really place her.

“Inventory and faction stocks.” She elaborated at my confused look, “It’s under Harrison’s section, he deals with the finances, every in or out transaction of dauntless.”

“Huh, that pretty cool.

Kali piped up, “I’m working under Felicity-” She turned to me and elaborated, apparently they all knew a bit more about the leaders than myself, “-She works weapons design and upkeep.” I nodded that was a good fit for Kali.

Talea had gone into security but not the branch Four was in, security fell under Xavious’s jurisdiction, he dealt with every type of security problem which split into 2 main ones, the security of the fence and security of the digital kind. That meant the station patrol’s also fell under him so Archie was also working with him

Cassius, as I suspected, had gone into patrol but he had chosen the same route as myself, we would be working together. “Who’s in charge of response patrol? Is it Xavior also?”

Cassius leaned over to steal a biscuit that Delphi had snuck in, “Nah, it’s Eric’s division.”

Kali snorted “Good luck.”

I cocked my head to the side curious, “Did he propose the response unit?”

Delphi shook her head, “No that was in place for ages, he just trains and oversees them as part of his leadership role.”

“So what part of Dauntless did he become the leader of?”

Cassius answered for her, “Strategie. He came up with the proposition for the elite guard, that’s his baby, he also oversees any contingencies and plans in place, you know cause he’s head of strategy and training.”

“And training?" I picked out one of the words "I thought Four oversaw training?”

Talea laughed, “Yeah but he’s not a leader, Eric’s _ in charge _ of training, but he has lots of other responsibilities he obviously can’t be the one to train us, especially as we’re just initiates, he spends more time with his patrols and the elite guard.” That actually made more sense, I had wondered a little why the leader oversaw our training, I thought it was just to ensure no weaklings slipped through, but it was because it was his job to ensure everything was running smoothly.

Archie’s head shot up, “Oh Persie, I asked for your records from the nurse-” He put a tablet in front of me and swiped the screen to show my file. “-I didn’t read it, it’s locked by your points code anyway, but she said it has your birthday if you want.

I hesitated a little shocked at the abrupt claim, but reached out for the tablet, I’d never cared or really been curious before but now with my friends' eager eyes on me, I couldn’t help feeling a little excited. I typed in my code and scanned the file.

**D.O.B**

_ **10/05/2152** _

Huh well, how about that. 10th of May, that was in spring, fitting for my namesake, Persephone goddess of spring.

Kali scowled at me, "Well when is it?"

Archie put his hand on his hip in a mock imitation of her, "Give her a second to read it first why don't ya."

She pulled a face at him "I don't sound like that-" She turned to her girlfriend, "Talea, do I sound like that?"

"Only on Mondays." Kali gave a gasp of betrayal and I leant back against the bed feeling a warm feeling settle over me, I was glad I was home.


	15. Opening the Box

After that night all the days seemed to fly by. We were thrown right into our new positions, myself Cassius, Thaddeus and Emma had chosen to go into the response patrol. Response patrol was split into a further three sections. We joined the squads for training and shadowed them in practically everything for two weeks each. First, there was fire, it was the one we started on, I shouldn’t have been surprised when on our first day we stood at the bottom of the pit in a very familiar climbing location, thankfully I wasn't too shabby in the climbing arena. In saying that, witnessing the fire patrol scale the stone walls effortlessly and in under a minute, was a cross between inspiring and annoying.

Part of me was pissed I still had to deal with Thaddeus stupid face every day, I’d kind of hoped I would never see him again after enduring the gruelling months of invitation, but a different part of me took pleasure it shooting him smirks when I was clearly the best of us newbies climbing. Thaddeus didn’t actually know how I’d survived my fall, so It was very amusing to let him believe I’d climbed the impossibly sharp and leaning walls of the chasm.

Cassius hated climbing, I already knew that, hence why I’d dared him to climb the statue in school because, I was mean. He toughed it out, but I could definitely see the grimace on his face once his feet left the ground and he didn’t exactly hide his discomfort huffing under his breath the whole time. “_If God wanted us to be higher he would have shoved mushrooms through our veins.” _That comment had caused a squad member beside him to slip and nearly fall as she had startles herself with her own laugh, at least he got along with the squad and the seemed to like him.

Emma was very good at the climbing and when we moved onto heat endurance she seemed to do the best, I suspected she would definitely thrive in the fire patrol, but it was too early to tell if she would be best there or in one of the other two. The others were Patrolling the city, different from the patrolling of factionless, factionless patrol fell under the station patrol, and was more stationary, hence the name, the guards tended to stick to their location and keep watch over it. Whereas patrolling the city was to ensure some Dauntless members was always fairly close to where an accident might occur and be ready to deal with the situation appropriately, cordon off the area or break up a fight. The last squad we would shadow were the guards, bodyguards specifically, intended to protect leaders of other factions when trailing to another faction or going through the factionless sector.

I was looking forward to all of it, I wasn’t sure yet which path I would choose but I wasn’t worried, I had time. Eric hadn’t been around, it had only been a week of shadowing the fire patrol and he was a leader so it was hardly surprising. Each squad had a hierarchy, Cherry was the leader for fire, she was a spitfire, looking around 32 but very short and athletic. She had black hair with green streaks which were strangely cut short than the rest and tattoos danced up ad down her arms, I couldn’t always tell where the tattoo ended and her flesh began the strange blend into her skin tone was rather hypnotic. As the tattoos were a series of patterns and lines it made me dizzy to look at for long. Cherry was good and gave precise clear instructions, followed by a short demonstration and a summarised version of the instructions to get it in our heads. After that, we were on our own and expected to keep up.

Archie and Zane had gone out to the fence for the week, to see what it was like to manage and guard, we hadn’t heard from them yet and Cassius was becoming unbearable, or at least for me. I loved him but Jesus, he pouted at the wall whenever we got together and was solum and silent it was beginning to be quite draining, I’d taken to separating myself from my friends for a little while, they understood I was doing it so I didn't accidentally say something that might hurt their feelings none of us wanted to fight because tensions were high, I loved them a little bit more because they didn’t demand time together that would only be detrimental to our friendship.

  
  


I’d been back to Kevin a few times but only to practice what I’d been taught, Kevin had pretty much shown me all he knew about knife combat and while I definitely enjoyed it, I was getting bored. With not much else to do I’d turned to the Trench but something held me back, I told myself the reason I didn’t go was that I had lost a normal fight to Piri, which was partially true, I didn't believe I should even think about going into the Trench unless I could take out my opponent in a match blindfolded. Maybe that was a bit dramatic but I intended to stick to that decision and so I spent most of my time in the training room, training and then fighting in matches.

I trained in the transfer gym because the fights were in the Dauntless-born’s and I liked to keep my learning separate from the test. I also found that our old room had far fewer visitors, none actually, since I’d started going. I knew the next year's initiates would eventually use it but for now, it worked for me. I had yet to actually find the gym for the Dauntless members but I knew it would be crowded and I didn't want to have to censor my own furious yelling or elated punches to the air whenever I feel like I had or hadn't achieved, I wasn’t Candor anymore but sometimes it was easier not to hold the small things inside, It didn’t mean I wanted to share with the world though.

Kali had been thriving in her new environment, she immediately hit it off with Felicity, the leader had actually begun working closely with Kali, apparently, my best friend had quite a few ideas for how to make some ‘fun’ weapons. Talea was much the same, taking a liking to her instructor Malko who worked under Xavior, she was currently working through the cyber networks that linking all of the Dauntless security feeds and she was being shown how we keep our cameras separate from Erudites links, which ran through everywhere else in the city. Talea would soon move onto different parts of security like the response patrol, but she seemed pretty keen where she was at the moment, apparently, Jackson was enjoying it also, he'd followed Talea into security along with Piri.

Delphi was the only initiate to go into a part of the faction overseen by the leader Harrison. Delphi wouldn’t say much about him besides he had a sense of humour that shocked her. I had been a little surprised at how involved all the leaders were with the lower people in the faction but I really shouldn’t have been, it was clear Dauntless was a faction where those who got through initiation cared about its growth and potential, you had to, for all the blood and tears everyone had cried to see it to the end.

Already Talea had apparently brought up the lack of safety and security of the lower levels, apparently, she had noticed my avoidance of visiting Kevin after the fight with Piri, it was sweet and a little bit of relief to learn that there was actually a reason for the lack of cameras, the lower caverns had been created by water years and years previously so when the wires were put into dauntless they had only run them through the parts that were created by the first people of the city, Malko had tasked Talea with writing a proposing outlining the benefits of the added security, it would then go to Harrison who would way up whether or not Dauntless should spend the money on it.

Brad was apprenticing directly under Max, the head honcho of Dauntless, although not really, all the leaders had much the same power, it was just Max who was the leader of communication and oversight that tended to be the figurehead of Dauntless to the other factions. He was the one the bodyguard squad accompanied the most, as he tended to visit and represent Dauntless. He was also in charge of mentoring and guiding the initiates who chose leadership as their choice. Brad said that Max spoke in a way that reminded him of his grandfather, always as though announcing something monumental but finishing the sentence with an almost questioning inflexion as if to encourage the one listening to nod and say they understood.

It was Max’s way of speaking that caused Brad to begin speaking his mind more often, the first time he hadn't understood what Max was saying he had shaken his head and said he was confused, knowing Brad he was probably very worried in that moment, but apparently Max had only given a single hum before in the same short but musical way had explained again with different words. Brad had come back to us that day vibrating with excitement, his own confidence in himself prompted another round of drinking. After that Brad spoke up more often and began to trickle in his thoughts and opinions about the things in dauntless he thought should change.

All in all, every one of my friends were gaining their stripes and beginning to fly, besides Cassus but he’d found his own outlet, spending time with Tori, a tattoo artist and getting feedback on his sketches which he refused to show us for now.

I was doing alright, but I felt restless every moment of every day, it seemed to build and keep building and I was unsure whether I would just one day combust or die of a heart attack. It made my fights easier, or perhaps it fueled my training which showed in the matches I kept winning. I didn’t win them all, my best skills were with the knives I had practised so long in, however, I couldn’t very well stab someone in a match.

Mackie had become somewhat a normal sight, and I was a little concerned at how much I had begun to distance myself from my friends when the second week rolled by and Mackie already had my name on the board and a drink ready for me for when I finished, as I had taken to requesting nights previously. Still, my own concern only caused me to wince, I wasn't about to do anything about it, my friends needed space to grow too and I didn’t really want them to subject themselves to the strange energy I had been festering.

I hadn't seen Piri back at the fights, or any of my old class actually, instead I’d been paired against several people in their twenties, just long enough out of their own invitation to be in their absolute prime fighting and in their lives, they were settled well in Dauntless and I took to talking with a few after the matches, I was addicted to learning more about my faction and how it worked.

I also was paired against some people I'd meet, through the squad I’d trained with on the roof, and through the fire squad, but by far my favourite opponent was Gramps. Gramps aptly named was one of the oldest men I'd actually seen around Dauntless, I knew the old tended to get weak and were often killed by the factionless, but learning Gramps was the squad leader of the Bodyguard unit was fascination. I was definitely wary of him when I first learned his position, the bodyguards were in a risky business and it was wise to be wary of an old man in a profession people tend to die young.

I was right in my assumption because the very first time we fought he had me flat on my back winded and gasping for breath all within seconds. It had temporarily released the coil in my gut and he became my favourite opponent, every night I ran to Mackie and eagerly asked if I would be versing Gramps, Mackie had dealt with a few days of it before sighing and writing up another match just so I could fight him.

Gramps seemed to find my fixation on losing against him very fascinating. He never said much aside from his scratchy chuckle and he insisted on adding the words wonderful, with emphasis on the one, in response to every situation he could. I did lose to him again and again, but I also trained again and again. Even moving on to our next squad training didn’t cut the tension like a match with Gramps did. It wasn't the losing which did it, I knew it was the fact he barely broke a sweat and didn’t attempt to make it look otherwise, some of my opponents held back, not just with me but whenever they thought the match was getting too easy, as though giving their us a chance.

I didn’t want a chance given to me, wanted to take it, and I needed the ruthlessness of a proper fight. Gramps didn't pull his punches but he didn't overdo it, punching me when I was down either. There was one opponent who did like to keep on kicking long after her match was finished, she was one I quickly learned to be wary of, Zanthey. Despite it being against the rules the room was big and Mackie couldn’t be everywhere, I much prefer fighting gramps to her that was for certain.

ooOOooOOoo

  
  


I didn’t actually have a destination in mind when I slipped away from the Dauntless-born's training room. I hadn't fought tonight, I’d arrived to scan the crowd but for some reason, my leg had bounced and in a strange jittery mood, I’d turned and left, right back to my prefered training gym. I moved on from the punching bags and stood in front of the blue figure used to practice our knife throwing. I hadn’t practised in a while and so I bent down and pulled out a few of the ones strapped to my ankles. The ones on my thighs were slightly longer and less aerodynamic. 

I corrected my stance and with the knives, in hand, I threw, not waiting to see where it landed I threw again and again until all six were sticking from the figure. I walked to the target and smirked at the hits, only one didn't land in the silhouette, which was surprising as I’d never practised rapid succession before, as it ‘hadn't been part of our training.’ I pulled the knives out and walked to the furthest target. I pretended as if I was walking alongside them and whirled around to throw the knife continuing to the next target to do the same, sort of similar to high-low drills I’d run for shooting.

Once I ran out of the knives I stopped and ran my critical eye on the targets, every knife had landed somewhere in the head, which is what I’d been aiming for.

“Impressive,” I swore and whirled around to see Eric leaning against one of the stone columns, I hadn’t even known anyone was in the room. He chuckled at my wide eyes and pushed off to stalk closer. I wasn’t entirely sure how I was supposed to react with the leader. I hadn’t been worried even after learning he was in charge of the field I was entering into, but now we were alone I was on uneven ground.

He came to a stop before me but was just a step too close to be considered casual. His eyes swept my form and a lazy smirk pulled across his lips. “Saw you’re in my patrol Persie... You might live to regret it.” His words were reminiscent of a threat but he purred them in such a way I flushed with the same warmth I had felt from him before.

“I don’t believe in regret.” It was true, I found the emotion entirely pointless, yes learn from one's mistakes but to hold onto the feeling was just detrimental. He hummed and pressed forward causing me to take a slight uneasy step backwards and my mouth ran away from me, “Although I suppose that means you’re my ranking officer?”

He chuckled, “I’m everyone's ranking officer _ Persie.” _ I was vaguely aware of my feet slowly edging me backwards as he continued to push forward like a lion stalking its prey. I felt a bit like prey, I wasn’t scared but for some reason, it was harder for my knees to support me in his presence, and the strange feelings that came from his proximity were overwhelming.

My back hit the target, pulling my gaze from the man before me. I saw a knife slightly to the side above my head, my knife. In my distraction Eric had filled the space between us and moved fully between my legs, arms braced by my head and caging me in. I blushed at the firm thighs between my own remembering the pleasure that had come weeks before. The glint in Eric’s eye showed he knew what I was thinking. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

I hadn't... Maybe I hadn’t been back to the Trench or actually entered the mess hall during normal times since that night but... I had to admit I hadn’t gone back to the Trench because I didn’t want to encounter him, so maybe I _ was _avoiding that, but for good reason. I had no desire to feel the tension and thrumming heat for the leader, I knew whatever had happened wouldn’t again and I disliked the stupid tinges of hope I knew going to the Trench would bring. But I’d been avoiding the mess hall because of some other reason I couldn’t think of when Eric was looking at me so expectantly, “No I-”

He growled at the denial and moved one hand lightning quick to sink into my hair and pull my neck taunt, “Don’t _ lie _ to me, Persie.” I whimpered and slammed my eyes shut, I didn’t understand my own reaction, despite what I knew Eric could do, I _ wasn’t _afraid, I knew that with absolute certainty, and yet I kept making such odd sounds.

“Mh sorry,” I mumbled out, more apologising for my reaction than the lying but I doubted he understood that. He released his grip letting my head drop back and I opened my eyes to peer up at him.

He seemed to assess me and I felt my skin heat under the scrutiny. He gave a sound of understanding and his eyes lit up as he gave a throaty chuckle once again, “I thought you don’t believe in _ regret _?” He said it with a knowing look.

I frowned at him, “I don’t.”

“Oh? Then why would you _hide_ from me?”

My frown transitioned fully into a glare which seemed to only make the smirk on his face widen. “I didn’t hide, and I don’t regret anything, I just thought you wouldn’t appreciate seeing me unnecessarily.”

He pulled his palm to stroke down my side in a soothing manner and my arms unconsciously lifted to grip at his shirt, he purred at that and pressed closer “Because you were an initiate?”

“No because…-” I couldn’t really put into words why I had just assumed what had happened would never happen again, I guess I just couldn't understand why the Dauntless leader would want to. “I didn’t think you wanted-”

“You?” As quick as a snake sinking fangs into its prey, he bit lightly into the join of my neck and shoulders, the sleeveless turtleneck I was wearing the only barrier, and not doing much to stop the sting. I gasped and exposed my neck more as his hand came up to run along the top of the fabric, brushing my Adam's apple as he clenched his teeth a little harder before releasing. He snarled as he spoke, “Do you think I let just anyone cum on my thigh Persie?” 

He brushed his thumb over my lips and they parted slightly as my mind registered what he’d said. “Is that what it’s called?” I mumbled the sentence to myself not quite in the right frame of mind to keep it in my thoughts. I felt Eric tense and looked to find his fiery gaze fixed on my own. He sucked in a breath through his teeth and seemed to gain an almost fearful look. I immediately regretted opening my stupid mouth.

He went to withdraw his thumb from my lip but I whined and he groaned, placing it back and letting his finger slide into my mouth which I closed my lips around and hummed. He swore in a husky breath “God Persie. I’m not a good man and you’re just so _ fucking _tempting.” He pressed another finger between my lips and I let my tongue dance around it too, I didn’t know much about the path I was taking, but with Eric’s shoulders heaving as though he’d just come from the Trench, I didn’t feel afraid for my lack of knowledge. Eric would teach me, he was a good teacher.

He pressed a third finger on my tongue and I looked up to him, seeking reassurance, he didn’t disappoint. “Good girl, that’s it.” I felt my eyelids droop and a strange heavy feeling filled my limbs, a wash of calm settled over me, I wanted to please Eric, I wanted that _so badly _. He withdrew his fingers from my mouth and I whimpered, he shushed me with a kiss and I immediately relaxed again, allowing him to effortlessly map out my mouth, his other hand came to brace the side of my face pulling me deeper into him. It was all-encompassing and I couldn’t think of anything else besides drowning in the sharp pull of his teeth and swipe of his tongue.

I shrieked into his mouth as cold wet fingers slipped beneath my pants. My hands rushed to grab the arm that slipped further down and I seized it in panic, a little bit of fear shot through me, I didn’t know what was happening. Eric pulled back just enough so our lips were not touching, “It’s alright.” He stayed perfectly still letting me make the decision and slowly I untensed the fingers holding his forearm. He didn’t hesitate to move further under my clothes until he cupped between my legs, my underwear now the only barrier. I felt my chest heave in stuttered breaths as I kept my gaze on his own.

His thumb moved and flicked against me and I gasped openmouthed which prompted a groan of his own. “Jesus Persie I haven’t even _touched_ you yet.” I flushed embarrassed but unable to respond as the pad of his finger circled my nerves. He purred as my hips shifted forward wanting more of the feeling. He did it again and again, my head dropped onto his shoulder and I whimpered as he sped up. The same blinding pleasure caught me by surprise and I shuddered against Eric’s massive form.

He cooed as I whined and he rolled his fingers again. Gently pushing me back to lean against the wall he pulled his hand out and with the other one abruptly shoved my pants down with a grunt, he did the same with my underwear, I only managed a blush in my worn-out state.

He looked at me greedily shoving the bottom of my shirt up to brush his palm against my stomach. He hummed and closed the gap he had created claiming my lips again as his hands roamed my body, he pushed up under my shirt to cup my breast and he slipped under the cup to squeeze my nipple, I made a keening sound and my head smacked against the target as I threw it back. He moaned into my mouth, stealing it again and speaking in between stolen breaths. “_So sensitive_. Never felt this way before have you?” That was a question and Eric had been clear about answering his questions, despite him already knowing the answer. 

“No- no, never.” I managed to get out between his attacks on my lips. 

He purred “Gonna make you feel so good Persie.” His fingers pressed once again into my mouth and I sucked on them, happily knowing what he wanted. He pulled them out, my spit joining us together until he dropped his hand back between my legs. He laid them where he had before, but without the barrier of underwear, it was like a bolt of lightning. I jolted and he grinned, not remaining there instead trailing his fingers further and circling a different part of me.

He didn’t let me pull his lips back to my own, keeping his eyes locked on my face. I felt his fingers press forward, thinking nothing of it until one pressed further and I felt the tip go inside me. I panicked letting out a distressed sound and grabbing his arm to try and stop him, “Eric!”

He soothed me by placing kisses against my jaw, “It’s okay. I’m gonna make you feel good. Do you trust me?”

I breathed in feeling a little afraid but truthfully I did trust Eric and he had made me feel so good already. “Yes. I trust you.”

He groaned, “Such a good girl.” He pressed the finger in further and I tensed, the feeling strange and unnatural. He used his other hand to stroke my neck, “Relax Persie, I won't hurt you.” I knew that. I didn’t think for a second he would, but the feeling was odd as he pressed his finger further inside and I whined trying to pull away from the hand on my neck. He tightened his grip slightly as my hips shifted back, “Relax.” This time he said it in a firmer tone, an order but I couldn't. It was strange and there was too much choice, I felt too open. His hand tightened further and I slid my eyes shut and I pressed into the hand, it kept me grounded and warm. He tightened his hand some more as he slid his finger inside me all the way, cutting off my air supply. I unsuccessfully tried to pull some air in my mouth, panting breathlessly, but my eyes stayed closed.

He began to move his finger in and out building up a rhythm. I felt a fuzziness at the edge of my conscience and he relaxed his hold letting me breathe but only just. “That’s it, you’re doing so well Persie, a natural, so, so good.” He cut off my air again and slipped another finger into me, causing a gurgle to escape and my eyes to fly open to see his own gaze sweeping over me.

I began to feel the familiar heat building and Eric graciously allowed me to breath, swiping his thumb gently over my neck. I couldn’t help the words bursting out as I felt the heat growing, “Please Eric, please, please, please.”

“Please _what_ Persie?”

I struggled trying to figure out what he wanted me to say, he slowed down either to help me think or as a threat to stop and I blurted out what I remembered him saying before, “Please let me cum?” 

It was apparently the right thing as he pressed his body into mine, his fingers pushing faster into me as he growled. “No one else can have you Persie, I’m a selfish man. You’re mine now. Every. Single. Part.” I cried out as I came, Eric keeping me up as I regained my senses. He drew his fingers out of me and I whined. He brought them up to his own mouth and I gasped as he sucked them in humming. My face went bright red, _ surely that wasn’t something people did? _

He grinned before turning a little more serious, “I mean it Persie. I don’t care what you thought. I want you, I want to _ see _you.” He cupped my jaw “-And I want all of you. You’re mine.” He didn’t say it in a way that implied I wasn’t my own, I knew he was well aware of my independence, he said it in a way that almost seemed to say the opposite, I didn't have to ask if he was mine, I’d never seen him around another Dauntless that implied a partnership, for some strange reason I’d captured his interest and I intended to keep it.

I cocked my head innocently to the side, not addressing his words but not denying them. “Did you cum too?” I hadn’t touched him so I didn’t think so.

He gave a Cheshire grin at my inquiry before bending at the knees to draw back up my trousers, he stopped at the two knives strapped to either of my thighs with an amused look before meeting me back at my mouth. “Maybe next time.” I accepted it with a nod and went to take a step forward only to stumble. Eric chuckled, seemingly pleased with himself and pressed his hand to the small of my back to steady me. “Careful Persie.”

Heat shot through me at the timber of his voice and his words, I scowled at him, “Please don’t do that, you’ll make me feel the heat again.”

He drew air sharply in through his nose as though trying to restrain himself, “...My voice turns you on, Persie?”

I figured ‘turned on’ was what it meant when the strange feeling flushed through me, so I nodded and gave him an annoyed look, “It’s also very distracting.” I remembered a few time’s his words had caused the feeling “Up, on the roller coaster.” I was saying it more to myself, almost forgetting he was there, I tended to do that.

“I didn’t say much to you during the game.” He questioned before his eye flickered with realisation and I knew he remembered.

  
  


_ “Get bored did you?” His question made me laugh because I was far from it. _

_ “No. But thought you might have.” I fired back while unhooking the belt and presenting him with the ammunition. His eyes lit us upon seeing it, causing a delighted feeling in my stomach. _

_ “Fuck yes.” His voice was almost breathless as he took the belt and pulled one off to load into his gun. _

  
  


Those two words had run in my head at the most inconvenient of times, once I had even stayed up all night trying to get comfortable enough to sleep. 

“You like me swearing Persie?” His eyes had a dangerous glint and I didn’t really want to analyse the reason the words had struck through me so fully.

“I ah-yes, I guess.”

He hummed running a strand of my hair through his fingers, he had a look that seemed like he suspected he knew something but wanted to be sure. “You were very considerate, I was awfully bored until you gave me your gift.”

I flushed, it had taken considerable restraint to not make more than the two trips I had up the ladder, despite having the time of my life I needed the look Eric had given me when I pulled the trigger on Pongo to keep from going back up with more ammo, he’d had enough after the second trip anyway.

“And when you used the boy to shoot Four off the ladder-” He cut himself off with a groan and pulled me into a filthy kiss, “You shot Four, for me too, didn’t you?” I nodded, I had and his chest rumbled in response to my shameless admittance, “You like pleasing me, Persie?” 

I felt my breath catch as the words were said aloud, _ he knew_. It felt a lot more monumental now that he knew, or maybe because it was said out loud. I’d always just accepted that was a thing I liked doing, in the gun range and when fighting, I wanted Eric’s gaze to be one of pride, but now he’d said it I felt terrified of what it might mean. I knew he could see the fear grow on my face, he shushed me as I drew in a shaky breath. “I like that too.” He rumbled in his gravelly voice. It seemed to go back to being simple after that, he kept my face tilted to his own and held my gaze as I relaxed.

I didn’t remember telling him the way to my apartment, all I could focus on what's his hand pressed in the same space it had before, the interaction running through my head on repeat. I didn’t get any sleep that night but I woke up the tension absent without even fighting a single match the night before.


End file.
